I Think I Love You | Randy

track 21. heroes - david bowie

We can be heroes, just for one day.

***

I woke up to the smell of smoke- and not the kind I was all too used to filling the apartment. It was the marginally more worrying variety that suggested the house may have been burning down.

"What's happening?" I mumbled, sitting up, my back aching slightly from sleeping on the couch. "Are we dying?"

"Shit, sorry, Andy, I wanted to give you another half hour to sleep," Olivia's voice called from the kitchen. "I tried to bake muffins but I think your oven is broken."

I looked towards the oven, the billowing cloud of smoke giving away the origin of the smell. "It is," I said. "What time is it?"

"Just after four."

Perfect. Three and a half hours until curtains up. That was, if everyone made it there in one piece.

Shaking my achy limbs off, I padded over to the kitchen. "Toast is fine," I told Olivia. "How's everyone doing?"

"They were good last I checked." She opened a window to fan out the smoke. I moved over to help her but she stopped me. "It's under control. You go get ready."

"Okay," I planted a kiss on her floury cheek, making her smile before heading over to the bathroom.

Prominent dark circles tugged at my under-eyes, but the rest was nothing a shower couldn't fix. I stood under the water for a long time without doing anything, just trying to process the fuzzy memories of the previous night. Already it was turning hazy, like I'd been drunk, but I knew it was just adrenaline that had been coursing through me as a result of the anxiety, my body having gone into fight or flight mode when the situation turned bad. It had been scary and nothing I wanted to experience again, the whole thing only firming my belief that drugs were something I wanted to stay away from henceforth, even in a recreational capacity.

The conversation I'd had with Sonny was a lot to process too. He'd seemed to imply that Rye was struggling with his sexuality, me somehow being a catalyst for his breakdown. Despite all the evidence to support this, including the kiss and his subsequent freak out, I still had a hard time believing it was real. After all, Rye and I had been friends for so long. Why now would he be having these feelings? What had changed between us? Sadly, none of it mattered while he was still gone, his absence having made me realise just how big a part of my life he was, and I just wanted him back in any capacity. Friendship would be enough if it meant I got to keep him around.

Fastening a towel around my waist once the shower was over, I tiptoed into my bedroom to grab a set of clothes from my closet. Jack and Brook were still asleep, Brook's arms tightly around Jack. I smiled bemusedly to myself as I remembered that Brook was still technically my boyfriend, since we'd never officially broken up. But I knew that wouldn't be the case for much longer. It was clear enough they belonged to each other, and I wouldn't stand in the way anymore, even if being with Brook had kept me sane for the past few weeks.

"So I can at least work a toaster, apparently," Olivia joked as she placed a plate in front of me when I came out again. "I'm guessing you like peanut butter. There was an open jar in the cupboard."

Apparently, that was all it took to drive me to tears. "Thank you," I croaked out, staring numbly at the plate.

"You okay, love?"

I sniffled, wiping the stray tear that had fallen off my cheek. "It's stupid I know, everything considered but, if Rye doesn't come tonight it'll be the first time he misses one of my opening nights."