Close to me

Why

April 2093

I couldn't talk.

I couldn't breathe.

It felt like the whole world had stopped.

She jumped. She jumped right in front of me.

Even though I was screaming and crying, begging her to come down.

She jumped.

And now here I am. With my mom. With my grandma.

We're all in tears.

I can't answer the police's questions because every time I open my mouth, I keep crying.

I have cried so much everything is blurry. It's getting hard to breathe. I can only see silhouettes of the police officers in the darkness.

My mom is hugging me tight. My grandma is praying. My phone is in the hands of a police officer, looking though my text messages with Avery.

Her name.

Every time I think of her I don't want to believe she's gone.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to hug her and tell her how much she means to me. It's too late now.

I don't know if I can go on. I can't do it without her.

Why wasn't I there for her? Why was I so self-centered and not even care about her? It's my fault. I should have gone to the movies with her. I should have told her everyday how much I appreciate her.

But she's gone now.

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I opened my eyes. She's gone.

That is the first thing I think of when I wake up. I don't want to cry. But I can't be happy. So I lay there. In my room. In the dark. Except for the small ray of sunshine coming through my curtains that weren't closed all the way. How could the sun shine so bright on a day like today? How could the birds be singing? Don't they realize? I then remember school. Then it makes me remember the space selection. What's the point of school? What's the point of anything?

I couldn't stop her. I could have. What was I supposed to say and why didn't I say it? Why was my crying and yelling not enough to make her realize how important she was to me?

I lay there. And regret everything I have ever done.

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It's the next day. The days are short when you don't leave your room.

Her smile. I would give the whole world just to see her smile one last time. To give her a hug. To tell her that she is worth more than the world. To tell her that her presence is what is keeping me going.

My phone rang.

"Erica?" it was grandma.

"Hi grandma" I said quietly.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over? I have something to show you"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to stay home. But it was grandma, and she was probably hurting as much as I was. Probably even worse.

"Of course. I'll be there in about 20 minutes"

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