These Broken Parts

Mark Your Calendar

"So, you like my sister."

They had been at the orchard for about 20 minutes, sitting once again in comfortable silence. Connor was smoking again, Evan just sitting and taking in the view.

Evan jumped when Connor spoke, staring at him for a few minutes before shrugging. "Um.. I guess..."

"You guess?" Connor asked, rolling his eyes. "That's not what your letter says."

"No, I know, it's just..." Evan hesitated. He wasn't sure how to explain it. He didn't have any experience with girls, and his feelings for Zoe still confused him. Did he really like her? Or the idea of her? Was it the way she got so lost in the music when she was performing with the jazz band? He'd contemplated this so many times and spent many sleepless nights wondering if what he felt was real or not.

It didn't help that he'd experienced some of the same thoughts and feelings when he'd looked at – He shook his head hard, throwing the thought out of his mind before it could fully form.

"I just... I don't know," he admitted, refusing to look Connor in the eye.

Connor frowned at the anxious boy sitting across from him. If he didn't know any better... He shrugged the thought away.

"So, um, what do you, you know, do for fun?"

Evan was clearly trying to change the subject. Connor took a long pull from the joint before he answered.

"Read. Smoke." He smirked, relaxing back against the tree. "Listen to music."

Evan nodded, so glad Connor hadn't pushed him to discuss Zoe. "That's-yeah, that's great."

"You?"

"Oh-." Evan picked at his shoes and shrugged. "I love trees. I was an apprentice park ranger at Ellison State Park over the summer."

Connor couldn't help but give Evan an incredulous look. "Really. Trees?"

Evan nodded frantically. "Yes. I was climbing a tree when I- My arm..."

"Oh," Connor replied, nodding, remembering the conversation in the computer lab when he'd offered to sign Evan's cast – which he'd never actually gotten to do thanks to that stupid letter. He'd been high at the time, and had almost forgotten. "Right, you fell out of a tree."

"Yeah..." Evan looked distressed, staring hard at his sneakers.

Connor thought about Evan's letter. Maybe it was because he was high, and being high sometimes made him lose his brain-to-mouth filter. Maybe it was because he saw so much of himself in Evan. Maybe it was because Evan was the first person to not treat him like he was a psychopath. He wasn't sure, but the words came tumbling out.

"Did you really fall?"

Evan looked up at Connor, his face white as a sheet, panic edging into his eyes. "What? I - yes, of course I-I-I.... Of course I fell, um, why would you, um, ask m-me that?"

Connor held his hands up defensively. "Chill, dude."

Evan was visibly shaking. "I was c-climbing and I fell. I fell, so... Yeah.."

Connor nodded, thinking about Evan's letter again, thinking about his reaction to a simple question. He was sure of it now. Evan hadn't fallen. But he could tell Evan wasn't ready to talk about it, so he changed the subject.

"What do you like besides trees, and my sister?" His tone was lightly teasing. He didn't know why he liked teasing Evan so much, but it was fun making the boy blush and stammer.

~*~*~

When Evan got home, he had to endure several minutes of questioning from his mother. He'd lied and told her he was over at Jared Kleinman's house working on a project – it had been the only way to convince her to let him go somewhere after school when he was grounded. He wasn't great at lying, and it took a lot of convincing before she believed they had already been given a project on only the second day of school.

But the lie had been worth it. For the first time in a long time, Evan didn't feel as alone as he usually did. Who would have thought he and Connor Murphy would be hanging out? He didn't know if he could consider Connor a friend yet, but it felt like they were well on their way, even if no one else had any idea.

As he thought back on their afternoon, his brain couldn't help but fixate on the fact that Connor had asked him about his fall... Why had he asked about that? What had made him question it? Would he ask again? What would Evan say? Would Connor find out the truth? Would he tell people?

Evan had to shake the thought away before it led to a panic attack. He grabbed his phone and texted Connor.

Today was fun. Wanna hang out again?

A half hour went by with no reply. Evan slumped, his chest tight. Maybe Connor had realized Evan was a loser, and not worth his time. He should have known it was too good to be true...

He barely had any appetite when his mom called him to dinner – a rarity, since she usually worked every night or had class. But after Evan had skipped on his first day of school, she'd wanted to be home tonight.

"Are you okay, honey? You've hardly touched your dinner."

"Oh-I... Yeah, just.. N-not hungry," Evan replied flatly, not meeting his mother's eyes.

"Did something happen?" she asked, concern in her eyes. It was only the second day of school... Could things be taking a turn for the worst already...?

Evan glanced up at her, then back down at his plate. He'd never had a good poker face, and his mother could read him like a book. If he held eye contact, she'd know immediately he was lying.

"No, no, I just... Had a big lunch at school, and then Jared's mom had snacks for us, so..."

Heidi wasn't convinced, but she let it go and changed the subject.

~*~*~

Connor stared at his phone, sighing in frustration. His message from the other day had gone unanswered, and now Evan was messaging him to hang out again. He didn't know how to reply – he was grounded for a month now, thanks to Zoe, who had ratted him out as he had been trying to sneak back in from the orchard trip.

He knew Evan would interpret anything he said as Connor not wanting to hang out with him anymore. Which was... not true, actually. It shocked the shit out of him to admit it, but he actually enjoyed hanging out with Evan. They mostly just sat in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. And when they did talk, Evan didn't make him feel like less than. He hung onto every word that came out of Connor's mouth, like he actually cared. Maybe he really did. Or maybe Evan just wanted a friend so badly that anyone would have done. Maybe it wasn't about Connor personally, just the idea of having a friend.

Connor gritted his teeth. He hated his mind, hating being alone with his thoughts, hated that his mind twisted everything into something bad. It was exhausting and draining, even more so since he was actually a very logical person, so he KNEW what he was thinking was wrong and stupid, but he couldn't help it.

After nearly an hour had gone by, Connor picked his phone up again, agonizing over what to say. Finally, he settled on the truth:

Grounded for the next month for sneaking out today. Rain check?

He paused, glancing at the calendar.

Mark your calendar for October 7?

Connor hit send, waiting almost ten minutes before the reply came through:

Okay