These Broken Parts

This Has to Stop

It was after 8pm before Connor was home, and the second he stepped in the door, his father was in his face.

"Where were you?" He yelled, his voice booming dangerously. "The school called. What's this about a fight? I swear, Connor, I've had it."

This was the point where Connor would have screamed back, but he had no energy to. He shook his head at his father and tried to step around him, but Larry grabbed his arm.

"You aren't going anywhere until you explain what happened. A fight, skipping school. What the hell is wrong with you? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

His voice grew louder and louder the more Connor ignored him.

"What do you care? Nothing I say will matter, you'll just draw your own conclusions anyway."

Connor finally pulled free and went upstairs. He sensed his father trying to follow him, but then he heard his mother's voice telling him to stop, to let it be. He heard them starting to argue, and increased his pace, slamming his door.

~*~*~

There was a tentative knock on his door a little while later, and Cynthia slipped into his room, closing the door behind her. Connor glanced up from the book he was reading as Cynthia approached his bed and sat beside him.

"Connor.. What happened?" She grabbed his hand and rubbed his knuckles in a gentle, soothing motion.

Shaking, tears welling in his eyes, he told his mom what had happened.

Connor hesitated before meeting her eyes. "Evan wasn't ready for his mom to know, and now she knows, and it never would've happened if he hadn't gotten beat up for sitting with me. Mrs. Hansen said she doesn't blame me for Evan getting hurt, but how can she not? This is all my fault, mom."

"No," Cynthia said firmly. "No, it's not. Those boys are responsible for this, Connor, not you."

He felt like he was six again, and had scraped his knee on the playground or something. He suddenly leaned forward and fell into his mom's arms, sobbing. She held him and comforted him for a good ten minutes before he finally pulled back, ducking his head to swipe the tears off his face.

"I can't face dad. I can't deal with the screaming and arguing. Not tonight."

"I'll deal with your father, it'll be fine." She kissed his head and walked to his door, turning back once more. "I'm here if you need anything." With that, she slipped out and closed the door behind her.

~*~*~

Cynthia must have convinced Larry to back off, because Connor was left alone for the rest of the night. He knew he'd be questioned tomorrow, but he didn't care. He needed to clear his mind. The later it got, though, the more restless he grew, between worrying about Evan and worrying about what his dad would do to him tomorrow...

He started pacing his room, trying to calm the racing thoughts in his head. This was his fault, the voices told him. Evan didn't deserve this. It was his fault Evan had been attacked. Those jocks knew better than to mess with Connor, but Evan was vulnerable.

Connor's skin felt itchy and tight, like he was crawling with bugs. He knew this feeling, knew what it meant, but tried not to give in to the impulse. The longer he was left alone with his thoughts, the harder it was to fight, until he caved, collapsing on his bed and grabbing the blade he still hid in his night table drawer. It felt heavy in his hand.

He unclasped one of his bracelets and held the blade above his skin, his hand trembling. A war was fought inside his brain, but he lost and the blade bit home.