These Broken Parts

Date Night

October melted into November. With it came colder weather, which made it harder for Connor and Evan to hang out at the orchard. Since Heidi worked one overnight shift a week, Evan decided his house would be the best place for them to hang out during the colder months. They'd have more privacy there than anywhere else. The idea both thrilled and terrified Evan. He'd never really had anyone over to his house before, especially someone he liked...

Connor paid the pizza delivery boy then brought the box back to the coffee table. Evan came in from the kitchen, plates and napkins in hand. He set them down then went back for soda and glasses.

Connor was already wolfing down his second slice when Evan finally sat. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped him.

"What?" Connor demanded, mouth full of pizza.

"Nothing," Evan replied with a chuckle. "You just act like you've never eaten pizza before."

"Not in a long time. Our mom is always going through these weird phases where she tries a new homeopathic something or other to try to 'cure' me. Like not eating pizza will fix my depression," he said with an eye roll.

Evan nodded, sympathizing. "My mom seems to think doctors and pills will cure me, so.. But at least I still get to eat whatever I want."

"Lucky you," Connor replied through a mouthful of his third slice of pizza.

"Connor..."

Connor swallowed the food in his mouth and set down the rest of his slice, sensing something in Evan's tone that demanded his full attention.

"I didn't... Um... I didn't fall."

Connor nodded, understanding immediately what Evan meant. "I know."

It was weird, admitting it. Evan didn't know if he felt relieved that someone knew, or ashamed that he'd admitted it to someone – specifically, to Connor. His feelings were at war, and he felt a panic attack pushing through, tears welling in his eyes.

Without hesitation, Connor scooted closer to Evan, and put an arm around him. Evan started to pull back, startled by the gesture, but then he sunk into it, into Connor. Connor held him until his breathing slowed and the tears stopped.

"We don't have to talk about it, not until you're ready," Connor finally said, running a hand up and down Evan's arm. "Let's just turn on a movie and enjoy our pizza, okay?"

Evan nodded against Connor's shoulder. Connor turned on the TV, and they fell back into their usual comfortable silence.

~*~*~

"You've been acting weird lately."

Connor looked up at Zoe, who was leaning against his doorframe, a suspicious look on her face.

"Fuck off," he replied cheerfully, a grin on his face, waving her off and going back to reading his book.

"Dick," she spit back at him.

"Love you, too, sis," he called after her as she stalked to her room and slammed her door.

Cynthia appeared in his doorway. "What are you two fighting about now?" she asked, exasperated.

Connor shrugged, eyes trained on his book as he casually turned the page.

"Is.. Connor, is there anything you want to talk about?"

Connor finally lowered his book, looking at his mom over the top. "No?"

Cynthia nodded, but couldn't help this nagging feeling. Connor had seemed... Well... happier lately. But she couldn't figure out why. He was skipping class less, getting in trouble less, and... He was smiling more.

She didn't want to question it, didn't want to push Connor to talk to her, but she just felt so... relieved... She felt like her son was coming back to her, slowly but surely.

~*~*~

"So... what made you talk to me that day?"

Connor looked up from his Chinese food, confusion in his eyes.

It had become their Thursday night tradition to go to Evan's, order in food, and watch movies.

They'd been doing this for roughly a month and a half, though they'd had to miss a week for Thanksgiving break. Connor's family had dragged him on an out-of-state trip to visit extended family. They'd texted every day, but not seeing each other had been hard. Connor had withdrawn into himself again, a defense mechanism against the jabs his father sent his way every time he didn't want to join in on the "fun family activities" or snapped at his sister, or wasn't polite to his grandparents.

The first chance he got, once home, he met Evan at the orchard and drew him in for their first long, passionate kiss. When they pulled apart, Evan looked shocked, but ended up breaking into a smile, which made Connor smile for the first time in over a week.

Now, it was early December, and they had finally been able to resume their Thursday night dates.

"That first day at school, when you approached me in the computer lab... What made you do it..?

Connor frowned, not wanting to be reminded of his behavior – or mental state – that day.

"I... I don't know. I just... I mean, I felt bad for pushing you. I really didn't mean to. I was just having a really fucked up day, and Kleinman's bullshit just pushed me over the edge. I'd seen you around at school, and I think I knew that you were struggling same as I was, so I felt.. I felt bad, but I also felt like.. Maybe, I don't know, maybe we could be friends or something. But then I saw your letter and..." Connor paused, shaking his head and shoving his hair out of his face. "I thought you were trying to set me up, you know? I thought you were being a creeper and trying to make me look crazy. I should have known better, you never seemed the type to do shit like that."

Evan pressed his lips together, not wanting to interrupt. He was afraid if he interrupted now, Connor would never open up again.

"I was planning on skipping school, on going home and-" He cut the words off before they could escape him. He wasn't ready to tell Evan that he had planned on killing himself, not yet. "But I'm really glad you came after me. Really, really glad."

"I am, too," Evan replied with a smile. He let Connor lean in and kiss him. He wasn't yet ready to initiate kisses, was still too embarrassed and shy about it. It felt too bold for someone who had tried to stay as invisible as possible for most of his life. But he never minded when Connor kissed him, and it never failed to make him smile.