17) Fuck it

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. Lynn.

"Nigga I'm finna be a dad." East said on the phone for what felt like the hundredth time today.

When I came out of the bathroom he was smiling ear to ear on the game. He nods his head at me and I smile.

"Nah nigga I'm not letting you near my son."

I look down at my phone and see that I have a text from Mehgan

M: Bitch you wasn't gonna tell me bout the damn baby.

I started to type a response when my phone went off again.

M: Why I gotta find out from Odell. When did him and East become friends.  What the hell.

I smile and shake my head. Even I don't know when they became friends. I started typing a message and deleted all of it and going to twitter. I would kill for a glass of alcohol right now.

"Baby you ain't said nothing since we left. You good?" East asks snapping me out of my daydream.

"Yea. Why?" I ask looking up from my phone. I'm really not tryna have this conversation right now.

"Well one. Like I said. You ain't said nothing. And you been shaking your leg since you sat down." He pauses the game and turns around putting his hand on my leg causing me to stop.

"I'm good." I say not even convincing myself.

He turns around. "Aye y'all I'm bout to get off. I'll hit y'all up later." He signs out of the game and takes his headphones out.

"You didn't have to do that I say pulling my legs in and crossing them." Not trying to have this conversation like for real.

"Say what's on your mind Makalynn." He says with a serious look on his face.

"I- I don't know where to start." I look down at my hands.

"First thing that comes to ya head?"

"I don't want the baby." I say looking up at him. I can see him processing what I said all over his face. From him slowly licking his bottom lip to the wrinkles starting to form on his forehead followed by his hand rubbing his face and then a completely blank face.

"What you mean you don't want the baby Lynn." He says in a monotone voice resting his his chin in his hand.

"I don't want the baby. It's not what I want and it's not what I need right now." I say feeling my eyes water up.

He takes a deep breath and squints his eyes but then return back to a blank face. "Okay. So why don't you want the baby."

"I just don't. I don't want kids right now especially if it has the possibility to be Antonio's. That's not something I want to deal with for 18 years." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"And why don't you need it?" I would think that this conversation was going along successfully if his eyes didn't show as much hurt as they did.

"I'm young. I just got this new job new apartment. I honestly don't think I'm emotionally stable enough to carry a child let alone deal with it once it's born. We don't know who's the father and I get you said that you would father it but I can't do that to. East if I have your child I want it to actually be your child." I realized that I've probably said too much and give him a chance to respond.

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