The Decision

Chapter 15

Lexa glanced around her apartment at the mass of boxes that were just stacked haphazardly about. She had had both her father's office and his home study boxed up and brought to her and she had been spending practically every free moment that she had combing through every single bit of it. The deeper she dug into it all though, the more frustrated and angrier she found herself becoming and unfortunately, everyone was suffering for that. Well, that and maybe something else too.

It had been almost a month since she had received the text message from Clarke telling her that space would probably be best - a month, and though she couldn't deny that it saddened her, she honored the words on the screen and didn't even reply. If Clarke thought that space would be better, then that was exactly what she was going to give her. She had meant what she had told her prior to, she didn't want to add any stress to her life – that was never her intention, but little by little it had become pretty apparent that that was exactly what was happening. So space.

Lexa threw herself into her work, filling her schedule with board meetings, video conferences, interviews and anything else that she could possibly think or to fill her time and take away the urge to text Clarke back. Though they had only been back in contact for a short span of time, and that time had been slightly messy, there was no denying that she already missed being able to talk to her again.

Hearing her door open, Lexa clenched her teeth and swallowed hard, already knowing who it was that was coming in. "What can I do for you, Anya?"
Anya dropped her purse down on to the couch and crossed the room toward the bar. "Stop being such an insufferable jackass," she responded rather harshly as she poured herself a drink.
"I beg your pardon," Lexa narrowed her eyes quickly.
Anya turned to face her. "I just got off the phone with the branch manager from Tampa," she paused and took a sip of her drink. "Did you really have to berate him, so?"
"He dropped the ball," Lexa replied flatly as she returned her attention to her work.
"His intern made a mistake," Anya corrected her quickly. "A mistake, Lexa and one that, might I add – was totally correctable."
"He still has a job," Lexa responded without looking up. "He should be grateful for that."
"Enough already," Anya said loudly as she slammed her glass down on the bar. "Are you even hearing yourself?"
Lexa shook her head again and closing her eyes, felt her mind drift at those words.

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She had been placed in charge of a very large project by her father – it was a test of sorts or a conditioning exercise, at least, that was how she saw it - that was how it felt. It was a way for him to see how she handled, not only the task, but herself, the people under her and most importantly, anything that got in her way of succeeding. Unfortunately, to test her further, he had also given her a team that could barely be considered reliable and so far, she had been left with no choice but to adopt some of her father's more unattractive methods and honestly, they were really taking a toll on her.

Slamming down her phone after having just spent the last ten minutes brutally ripping into one of the members of her team, Lexa took several calming breaths and looked up to find Clarke sitting up on the couch with her knees against her chest and a somber look in her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Lexa asked, placing her hands on the desk.
"It's just hard to listen to you sometimes," Clarke shrugged lightly, looking almost pained.
"I know," Lexa nodded, her face instantly bending into a heavy frown. "But, I tried doing this my own way – you know that I did and it wasn't working."
"So, your solution is to demean and frighten the people on your team?" Clarke questioned her firmly. "Like, are you even hearing yourself? You sound just like..." she broke off and shook her head, looking almost disgusted.
Lexa swallowed hard and looked down at her hands. She knew exactly who she sounded like and she hated it, but she had to seal this deal – she had to and if acting like her parents did that, as much as she hated it, she'd do it. "Look, I know that you don't get it, but I can't..."
"Are you kidding? I know what's at stake for you – of course I get it," Clarke snapped as she got to her feet. "Look, I'm just going to go."
"No. Clarke, wait," Lexa tried as she rounded the desk quickly. "Please, don't go."
"Lexa, I have to," Clarke shook her head with a sadness showing in her eyes. "I love you – you know that I do, and even though I know that this isn't really you, I can't be around you when you're acting like it is," she inched forward and pressed a light kiss on her lips. "I just can't."