Chapter Twenty Two ~ Losing Control

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I have to find a way to clear my head. All these thoughts running through my head. Is Carol guilty? Is Carol innocent? Are these murders going to keep happening? How are these murders connected? Am I the link between it all? I can't get this out of my head. It's all I can think about. When I wake up, when I go to work, when I eat, when I sleep. I just can't shake it.

It was about 6 in the evening and it was a cool night so I decided to go for a walk. At this point I was prepared to try anything to shake this feeling. I stepped outside onto the consistently quiet road and started to walk. I thought walking would help but if anything it was making things worse. 6 murders. All somehow connected to me. Am I causing them to happen? Am I the reason someone keeps doing this?

I started to walk faster. Down past the bakery and towards the big park in the centre of our small town. I thought about sitting down on my usual bench, but decided I needed to keep moving. If I stopped moving, I would start thinking. And I was desperately trying to avoid that. So I kept walking. I pushed open the fence gate separating the road and the park. The sun was beginning to set and there were only a handful of people out. Joggers, people walking their dogs, kids out playing. Just the usual. I walked past them all, staring at the ground.

As it reached about 7 there were even fewer people around. I sat down on the steps which lead to the big water fountain which sits in the middle of the small yet impressive park. It was filled with loads of different species of plants and animals and was the prime spot for joggers and kids going out to play.

But still these thoughts haunted me. No matter what I did they wouldn't go away and there was nothing I could do about it.

I'd spent longer then I'd realised sitting on the steps. It was just about to get dark and I figured it was time to go. The park was deserted now and all that could be heard was the rustling of trees and the occasional chirping bird. I stood up and ran towards the park gate. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I felt like I needed to explode. Nothing would ever fix this. I kept running, past the gate, down the street and all the way back up to my dorm door.

As I reached for the door to my room I decided it was time. Time to seek some help.

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