Admiral Heywood Returns

Chapter 4

Leaving her letters to be posted, once again Charlotte climbed the path to the clifftop. However, on the tail of the morning's storm, the wind was almost violent, whipping her bonnet off and her hair into her face. She loved it. The power of the elements was never something she feared-somehow it often matched her own internal landscape-feelings which she could not always contain. Her father had teasingly called her his "wild wind of a girl." It could not have been more fitting!

Today, after spending the morning watching the rain pummel her window and the gardens below, she was grateful for a small break in the weather to walk, although it was rapidly returning to a gale and rain. It calmed her to do so although she would return home rather windblown and a little soggy.

The sighting of Tom Parker with a gentleman who reminded her so of Sidney had unsettled her. Every day now someone or something brought her broken heart to the surface and she knew that she must grow much stronger in order to establish her new life in Sanditon-he was still everywhere.

Glancing across the cliff from where she stood, to the very spot where she and Sidney had shared the most endearing moments and the kisses she could never entirely remove from her mind, she saw someone standing there. At a distance she was not able to see who it might be, but it was a man holding his hat in his hand, also battling the fierce gale with his back to her.

Having stood for what seemed an hour, with her thoughts and feelings as tempestuous as the sea and gale that buffeted her, Charlotte, now chilled to the bone, descended the cliffs by the well-worn path. As she neared the sands of the beach she believed she heard someone call her name.

"Charlotte" was carried on the wind, but she was unable to determine where it was coming from. Looking around her the beach appeared to be deserted, except for that lone figure on the cliff. "Surely he is not calling to me," she thought to herself, "I must be mistaken." Shaking her head to rid herself of what was probably imagined (which is something she often did of late), she stepped up her pace, shivering in the relentless wind, and headed home to a warm fire and a welcome cup of tea. "Charlotte, you really must get a firm hold on your imagination." She scolded herself.

Trafalgar House

"Sidney!" exclaimed Tom Parker, "we assumed you to be well on your way to Antigua by now. What brings you back to Sanditon?"

"Well, as luck would have it, my ward, Miss Lambe has come down with a fever and cannot travel right away. So, until she is well I am afraid we are grounded here in England, which by an account from the doctor will be a minimum of two weeks," Sidney replied, removing his hat and coat. "I wanted to go over a few things more with Mr. Stringer before leaving the country, so this is actually a good opportunity to see that everything is on schedule. I felt a bit rushed leaving last time."

Mary entered the room, warmly greeting Sidney, "How nice to see you, Sidney! We did not expect to see you again for at least a few weeks. I hope you are well after traveling in this horrid storm! How long can you stay, and I do hope you will stay here with us, the children miss you when they haven't seen you for a while."

"Of course, Mary, I would love to spend time with them." Sidney smiled and walked to the fireplace to warm himself.

Tom, without warning and certainly without taking into consideration how it might be received, said, "Surprise of all surprises, Sidney. Charlotte Heywood is back in Sanditon with an education in architecture and plans to assist with the new Sanditon addition! Isn't that marvelous? She is certainly no ordinary young woman, wouldn't you agree?" Continuing on, "She is now in residence with Lady Susan Worcester and is apparently planning to stay in Sanditon!"

Mary, watching Sidney for any indication that he was thrown back by this news, saw with heartbreak how Sidney studied the floor and his countenance fell. "Sidney, it is shocking, is it not? I am sure she would welcome seeing you again, in the spirit of friendship?"

"Yes, Mary, I suppose she might-however, I am not certain I am ready to see her. What she has learned about my situation is unknown to me and I fear she may think very badly of me. I may attempt to call on her when I feel the time is right, but in the meantime, I would appreciate your keeping my whereabouts quiet."

Sidney continued, "Tom, Mary, would you excuse me for an hour or so? I am longing to visit the beach and just stretch myself after the long ride from London today. The fresh air, albeit stormy, might be good for me."

"Certainly, Sidney, take all the time you want. The children will be happy to see you when you return. But, be warned, the wind is absolutely fierce the closer you get to the water. No sea bathing today, please!"

"Of course not, Mary," Sidney said with a smile.

Sidney collected his hat and coat and left Trafalgar House in search of a cleansing wind and an opportunity to sort his feelings and thoughts regarding the news of Charlotte. "Charlotte, my dear Charlotte, is here in Sanditon! How she must regard me after my letters were returned to me this past year! No one knows how I tried to reach her, but her family refused my requests and returned every letter I sent. Has she learned that I did not wed Mrs. Campion? Does she no longer have feelings for me? Would this jilted fiancé be an embarrassment to her?"

Sidney pondered all this as he walked with energy toward the beach and cliff. With his heart heavier than ever before, he sought out the very spot where he and Charlotte shared their most intimate moment-the moment he determined that he could not live without her.

And, yet, here he was, simply filling his life with obligations, some of which he has grown to enjoy-Georgiana had become something of a daughter to him. Regardless of the work, the rounds of soirees, and the good friends Babbington and Crowe who have held him up throughout all of his pain, the emptiness he feels when he enters his bedchamber every night is almost excruciating. And now, is there a chance to redeem this love?

Standing on the very spot where every memory and the tormenting questions flooded over him, whipped by the relentless wind, he called out her name, "Charlotte!" And, as it happens in his dreams, that cry mocked him, returning as void as an echo.

Sidney at last began walking back to Trafalgar House with anticipation of spending time with the Parker children. They never failed to cheer him.

As he made his way, the same woman he saw leaving the cliffs just as he was departing for London last time, walked ahead of him. This time his pulse quickened-that gait, the set of her shoulders and the wild, tangled hair he now knew may be his beloved Charlotte. She was far ahead and walking at a pace he could not easily catch up to, and alas, he was not sure he was ready to see her.

As Charlotte returned to Lady Susan's she shed her drenched hat and coat by the entry, her hair streaming with rain and tangled by the wind. Lady Susan, with alarm, crossed the room to assist Charlotte with her things. "Oh my dear girl! You certainly need a hot bath and warm, dry clothing or you will catch the death of yourself! What could have possibly kept you out in this unforgiving weather?"

Charlotte smiled and replied, "I was just being my father's 'wild wind of a daughter!' I know it is very unwise to get so drenched, but I was once again enjoying the great sea and time ran away with me. The storm finally insisted I leave!"

"I will tell you all about it when I have recovered... Susan, sometimes I think I may be losing my mind just a little. I keep thinking I am seeing Sidney everywhere and even while on the beach, I felt I heard him say my name. It is vastly unsettling!"

Lady Susan, with an understanding smile, shushed Charlotte and encouraged her to warm up and then come back for a good chat by the fire. "Again, my dear, love is a disease. These are just symptoms!"