The next morning, as Charlotte was leaving the home of Tom and Mary, she reflected again on the awkward exchanges she and Sidney were inclined to-so much that needed to be said and neither of them knowing where to begin. Despite her determination to control her emotions, her heart was always breaking when Sidney was near. Just this morning, a stranger at Trafalgar House would have thought that she and Sidney were indeed strangers. Mary attempted to bridge the conversation around the table, however, there was no simple way to break through the icy atmosphere and she busied herself with the children.
Tom, on the other hand, oblivious to all other than his own thoughts, talked endlessly of Sanditon's rebuild nearing completion. "Charlotte, I understand you are going to be assisting with the next phase. Excellent! Putting your new education to work here in Sanditon is most appreciated. "
"Yes, I look forward to it. It's extremely exciting to see the completion of what we thought was lost, and I am so grateful to be able to assist in some small way." Charlotte said with a touch of humility and a bright smile.
Throughout the morning, Sidney watched Charlotte for any indication that she may still hold him with the same regard as before. He was still in disbelief that she was right there, within an arm's length, after the months of not knowing where she was or if he would ever see her again. With every passing moment his heart grew fonder and more hopeful.
As her visit was concluding, she remarked with genuine affection, "I have enjoyed our visit this morning very much, but I need to get a letter off to my aunt in New York. She will be interested in everything-I did share my love of Sanditon with her and I hope that some time she might come to see it for herself. I know she would fall in love with it, as I did." With a bright smile, Charlotte excused herself and bade good day to the family, sharing hugs with the children and Mary.
"Good day, Mr. Parker. I will see you later for a walk to the beach?" she queried somewhat nervously as she donned her bonnet. "I will look forward to it, Miss Heywood," Sidney replied, looking intently into her eyes.
Charlotte took a leisurely route back to Lady Susan's passing the construction site, envisioning the expansion that lay just ahead for Sanditon. The excitement of being involved was stimulating.
Mr. Stringer called out to her, "Miss Heywood, good day!" Blessedly, he was unable at that moment to descend the scaffolds to engage her in conversation. She was indeed grateful as her mind was consumed with her upcoming conversation with Sidney.
The one thing resolved by this morning's visit was that she would meet Sidney later in the day for her daily seaside walk. Perhaps then she would find the courage to say what was on her mind. She had never been short of words before in her life-a most unusual feeling.
"Good day to you, too, Mr. Stringer!" she called out, smiling and waving as she continued on her route home.
Charlotte made her way to the post office to send her letter to Aunt Abigail, and to collect any letters for herself or Lady Susan. She was very pleased to find a letter from Lady Susan, letting her know that she would be on her way to Sanditon very soon. As much as Charlotte was enjoying her privacy, she was eager to share with Susan all that had changed in a few short days.
***
"Shall we?" Sidney asked, as they stepped away from Lady Susan's door. "Y-yes, I am ready for a bit of fresh air and sunshine."
Once again they walked in strained silence for a distance. Sidney cleared his throat and began, "Miss Heywood... may I call you Charlotte?" "Of course, given that we are not strangers as some might assume," she remarked with a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. He smiled in relief, "Please call me Sidney. Enough of the formality."
"Charlotte, I feel we have so much to.... Your disappearance became the most frustrating thing for me-I was kept from knowing where you were, if you were well... and your family refused my letters and would give me no indication of anything pertaining to you. Even Mary posted letters from the children that somehow made it through your family to you, with no indication of where they were going." Sidney's agitation grew as he spoke, "It was a matter of a few short weeks after Babbington's wedding that things changed... and I sought you out every way possible, but you had disappeared off the earth! It was not too late for us... and I ..." he became more animated as he spoke with a look caught between anger and anguish.
Charlotte had stopped walking and turned to face him. "How can you think my disappearance was borne from anything other than my own sadness and need? And, yes, it was about putting as much distance between us as possible. You said that you intended to propose marriage to me. What was I to do? Stay in Sanditon and watch your courtship with Mrs. Campion? Be invited to your wedding? While my heart broke daily? Leaving Sanditon and going abroad was the only thing I could think to put distance between us so that I might be able to bear the knowledge of your life with her."
Charlotte, with her own growing agitation continued, "Finding myself was all I could think to do! A new place, and a way to occupy my mind... and, yes, I asked my family to protect my privacy from the Parkers-as much as I love them. My only friend allowed to know was Lady Worcester." "You broke my heart!" she blurted out with great emotion, the tears beginning to pool in her eyes.
Sidney turned to face Charlotte again, reaching for her hands. Holding her hands close to his chest, he looked earnestly into her now overflowing eyes and quietly said, "Charlotte, I know that a year may have changed your opinion of me. The circumstance of my electing to save my family instead of..."
At the time Sidney could not think what the alternative would have been for them. The future of his family was unthinkable without the capital that Mrs. Campion would have brought to them through his arranged and hollow marriage to her.
Because they were standing facing one another on a public beach with onlookers questioning their raised voices, they began to walk again, as Sidney reluctantly released her hands.
Sidney began again with a deep breath, hoping to lighten the conversation for the moment, "We tend to make a spectacle of ourselves, do we not? So, your interest in architecture led you to obtaining your education. Well done, Charlotte. Everyone is impressed and looking forward to seeing your work."
"Thank you. It was not the prize I was after; it was the distraction I needed. And I have always had an interest," Charlotte said quietly. "But I assumed you were married, living in London, and that it would not be as difficult as it has proved to be... to return to Sanditon."
Sidney again brought the conversation to his most ardent question, "When we last spoke you said you did not think badly of me although I have thought very badly of myself. If you will allow it, I would like to try and earn your trust and perhaps there is a chance for us still?"
Charlotte, unable to look up into his imploring eyes, quietly said, "Y-y-yes, perhaps there is."
His desire to hold her was intense, but he restrained himself. "We have a road ahead of us; however, once I return from Antigua I will bring Georgiana to see you and we can begin again to know one another."
"Yes, I would like that," Charlotte whispered, overcome with emotion. "I do, you know, think well of you. It was an honorable thing-willing yourself to save your family. They are infinitely worth saving and they are lucky to have you."
Pausing to recover from the emotional exchange, Sidney said with mock formality, "So, Miss Heywood," "shall we visit the clifftop to see if the wind will blow us to France?" A broad grin spread across his face with the new hope that all was not lost.
Charlotte at last looked up into his face-the very face she had missed so dearly and thought she saw in so many passing strangers in the human crush of New York. "Yes, I would like that."
YOU ARE READING
Admiral Heywood Returns
Fanfiction"The most beautiful stories always start with wreckage." Jack London Charlotte Heywood, departing Sanditon a year ago under the most distressing circumstances, has returned. New York was good for her.
