His Gold ✓

27| Knocked down

     I'm clutching my binder in front of my body between crossed arms as Indie and I walk to first period together. She mentions Anson's college acceptances and whatnot, but my head is pounding with worry.

   This is it- the big awkward moment where I get to look at Bryce after what we've done in his car.

    I don't know how I'm going to do this!

    While we're walking, Indie goes quiet about Anson. She observes me through her lightly-brushed mascara lashes.

    "Uh, Caroline, can I ask what's going on with you this morning? You seem a bit nervous."

    Do I? I blush, gripping my binder tight.

    "Is your anxiety-"

    "No-!" I blurt, "I mean, yes"

    Why am I so topsy-turvy today? She'll think I'm crazy!

   I sigh. This is too much to keep in. I've got to tell her at some point. Besides, she will find out since she's Bryce's best friend anyways.

    I keep my voice down so passerbys won't hear our conversation. "Indie, I'm a little frazzled. I went to that party last night."

    "Oh?"

    "And I kissed Bryce." I chew my lip.

It feels different now that I've spoken it aloud.

    I feel Indie stiffen as we walk. She covers her mouth with a hand.

    Why isn't she reacting? Is that a bad sign?

    "Well?" My voice is quiet.

   "Caroline, why didn't you tell me?"

   Why didn't I tell you? About making out with Bryce? Why would I?

   "I don't know. Your poem distracted me until now." I heave a sigh.  The brunette beside of me straightens up.

    "You're worried about seeing him now?" She puts it all together.

   I nod.

   "Was it your first kiss?"

    "Well, no," I sigh, "my first kiss was in middle school. 0/10, I wouldn't recommend under the band bleachers while they struggle to play the star spangled banner as a good kissing spot."

    Indie giggles at my story; I relax a bit.

   "It sounds like you're worried, not because you haven't kissed someone before, but because you haven't kissed Bryce before, is that right?"

    "Exactly." I clench my jaw, "and honestly, Indie,  I'm just confused about it all." I confess.

   "What's to be confused about? Did you want to kiss him?" She studies the side of my face.

    "Yeah."

    "Did he want to kiss you?"

     "I- yeah."

     "Of course he did," she chuckles, "Did you feel safe?"

     "Well, yeah."

      "So what's really bothering you?"

      "It's complicated." I shake my head. "I wanted to kiss him in the moment, you know. But I wasn't using proper judgement- so what does that say? Was it a mistake?"

     It's like I just wanted to feel his lips on mine without any cares about the consequences!

    "It's because your heart was thinking for you. Your head wasn't there to reason." Indie's voice is soft.