Way Back Home

Bad Days

Not all days are good for anyone. For a long period of time, almost all days were bad for Florentino. Today was a bad day. This is the day he lost his child.

He did not even want to get up. He haven't told Gustavo about the importance of this day. He looked at the man fast asleep next to him. He shifted and placed his head on the man's chest. He needed the comfort and Gustavo sleepily pulled him close.

He wonders how his and Alexander's life would have been if his child did survive. Maybe Gustavo would have stayed when he realised he was pregnant. Maybe they would have raised all their kids together when Alexander brought them home.

"Are you crying?" asked Gustavo, his surprise evident. Florentino did not turn. He did not realise he was crying. If they survived his son would be a 21 year old now. It hurts worse on this day usually.

The underlying pain is always there but his yearning for a child never stopped. But he never did want a child that was not half Gustavo's. Maybe that makes him a selfish, bad person. Maybe that's why he didn't get to keep the gift.

"Flore"

"It's nothing. You go back to sleep," said Flore, wiping his eyes.

"It's not nothing if you are crying," said Gustavo and sat up, pulling Florentino to him.

He pushed his hand away and moved out of the bed.

"Don't touch me, just go away," said Florentino and stormed out of the room, wanting to be far away from Gustavo as possible. Only a moment before he did not want to let go. His emotions are a mess. Florentino broke down in tears. He was in his old room and looking out through the window, trying to bring himself under control.

Once he calmed down he felt bad about lashing out. He turned to see Gustavo at the door, looking worried.

"Are you going to tell me what has you upset?" asked Gustavo, walking over. Florentino crumbled again and he hugged Gustavo tight and felt the man pull him closer and soothe him.

"This is the day we lost a child," said Florentino after sometime. Having people to share it with is somehow helping. Usually, he mourned alone. Sometimes he lets Izabel keep him company.

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Gustavo was surprised. He looked at Florentino who was a mess. He cannot imagine the pain Flore must be in. Gustavo is just getting used to the idea. He is not reliving a terrible day as he went through it but Florentino is.

They just sat there, silent. No words can ever take away pain and Gustavo knew the best he can do is keep him company.

"Let me go check on Este. He has school today. You will drop him, Syrus and Juan at school right?" asked Florentino.

Gustavo nodded.

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Florentino was thankful for the silent support and he felt way better once he calmed down. He decided to check on Este. The kid was asleep. It was only 6 am. The school isn't until 9 am. He smiled and decided that he will sleep in a bit more and joined Este who cuddled closer to him. Next time he woke up, Este was poking at his cheek with a broad smile.

"Ah, you are awake. Maybe we can finally get you ready for school," said Florentino.

Este nodded.

Later, Florentino also accompanied the four. Once they dropped the kids at school, Gustavo looked at him.

"What do you feel about going on a drive? Like old times?" asked Gustavo. Florentino nodded as he leaned back.

They drove, silently and then stopped for food. Both collected their food and had it in their car.

"When are you going to stop getting food all over you face?" asked Gustavo in fond exasperation and wiped the sauce from Florentino's face.

"Never," said Florentino and leaned on Gustavo.

"Good"

They kissed. Florentino smiled as they kissed to their heart's content. When they reached back home, it was after picking up the children from school.

The kids ran into the house. Florentino and Gustavo were holding hands as they walked in.

"We will be in our room. Need to lay down a bit. It was a hectic drive," said Gustavo. The kids nodded.

The hectic drive was only an excuse for them, really. They were still in good health. They just needed some space and Gustavo knew Florentino needed him the most at the moment. And he needed Flore too.

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"You are the last person I wanted to hurt since the day you came to my life. And yet, that's all that I do," said Gustavo.

"It's no one's fault. There was your upbringing and internalised homophobia that we had to fight, then  there was your marriage which I can't ever hate because Jen and Alex are my first family. They always will be. Then there was the attack - it was bound to happen. I knew you were already weighed down by your guilt. I get it, doesn't mean I have to like it," said Florentino, tracing the lines on Gustavo's face.

"I was a coward raised by a bigot. Yes, that's the gist of it," said Gustavo. Florentino shook his head in exasperation.

"Too harsh on yourself after all these years. I have learned Gustavo that there is no point in holding onto grudges and pain. I am going to enjoy the time I do have with you now. Three months back I did not imagine I will have this. Now you are here and I am getting to spend a part of my life with you as I had hoped in my youth," said Florentino.

Gustavo smiled.

"You have always been the better one. You make me a better person," said Gustavo.

"No one can make anyone a better person Gustavo, it's all about what we are truly. Whether we choose to do what is right or not. You are the best even through all your idiocies, struggles, pain and everything that makes you," said Florentino.

"Can I take you through the places I was in when I was not here. I had wanted you and Alex everywhere. And now, I want my family to see and be a part of it," said Gustavo.

Florentino nodded.

"As long as I don't have to come across anyone who was your partner. I - Jen is different. I don't think I can stand seeing anyone who had you when I didn't," said Florentino.

Gustavo looked at him.

"There was never anyone," he said.

"Not even once?" asked Florentino.

"Not even once," said Gustavo.

"It has been 20 years," said Florentino.

"Well, I left the most important people in my life behind. My focus was always on repenting and being better than I was. Really, at one point I was sure I lost my sexual appetite. A doctor diagnosed me with depression. She was interested in me and she was adamant to get me to respond to her. She was very beautiful but I did not feel anything. At all. She, Saira, spoke to me at length. I told her all about us and she urged me to come back home. That was almost 9 years back. The thing is, I think I did not ever want to forget the last touch we shared. The only time we made love. I just- It was so unfair, how our life turned out. My heart and my body, everything about me is yours. It can never be anyone else's, ever," said Gustavo.

Florentino clung tighter to Gustavo.

"Make love to me again," said Florentino as he looked at Gustavo.

The man just stared at him for a moment, comprehending what was being said.

Gustavo raised his hand and touched Florentino's cheek. He gave a small nod and bent down to kiss him.

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Haha, so what do you think????

Now someone asked me about the cast and I think I already posted this, don't remember if it's in the first book of here, Gustavo is Pierce Brosnan
Florentino is Collin Firth