Lemon Cake

Chapter Three

Tulip sat in the corner of her couch with her braids in a top knot peering out her expansive living room windows as darkness claimed the vacant street. Eucalyptus Lane was always quiet between the hours of nine p.m. and five a.m. As the clock ticked past ten-ten the pattern held strong. Unfortunately, the pattern of her life had been thwarted. She hadn't been able to think straight since the lawyer dropped a grenade in her life. Her busy schedule didn't allow her the time to meltdown in a puddle of despair and angst but now she did.

She pulled her fleece blanket back on over her shoulder covering up her Prairie View shirt. She found the crips t-shirt hanging in her closet and thought it was fitting to wear it today since it was a period in her life at that very university that had cropped back in her present. She tucked those eight and a half months to the farthest space in the back of her mind and went on with her life. She didn't know much about the child, not even its gender. She never even held it. Just prayed for it to be placed with a safe family and worked hard to ensure her life would justify their decision to put it up for adoption.

"I got all your favorites." Niesha gestured to the coffee table. "Pepperoni pizza. Sriracha wings. And fried okra."

Tulip's face twisted at the sight of the layout of cheesy, spicy, and greasy sitting in the middle of the table. Her mouth watered and her stomach yearned to be filled with the deliciousness before her but couldn't lean forward and pull a slice from the cardboard box. Her hands needed to cover her face from the waterfall pouring down her cheeks.

"Fuck my life. It's all over." She whined with trembling shoulders. "I'm a terrible human."

"No. No. No." Niesha soothed her back. "You made the best choice for your circumstances." She sat on the couch's arm continuing the slow comforting strokes. Two months into their friendships during a drive back from a kickback Tulip told her about the thing only three other people knew about her. "You're not terrible. It takes massive responsibility to put a baby up for adoption. You knew you couldn't handle motherhood then and you found someone that could."

"And now they're dead." Tulip croaked. She swiveled around to see her friend. "She left her me. Oh my God!" She popped on her feet. "It's a boy. I had a girl. She—" She flailed her arms out as the thought weighed her down lower than she already was. "She probably hates me."

"Nah, she won't." Niesha's tone was certain and her face was sincere but none of it abated the resolve Tulip had.

For months after her grandmama sat her and her brother down on the plastic-covered couch to tell them the tragedy that took her parents she was angry with them. It had to be their fault for not making it back to them, back to her. She was furious at them for going out that night to have dinner with friends because if they were at home with them they wouldn't have hydroplaned off the road and crashed into an immovable tree.

She was angry for something out of her parent's control, of course, the little girl would hate her for the conscious decision they made.

"What am I supposed to do with a daughter." Tulip gripped her waist tightly. Her eyebrows drew together as she glanced around her chic modern living room with its tan leather armchairs, cream couch, Pier 1 rug she snagged on during a sale and electric fireplace that she rarely used. "What am I supposed to do with a child? I've never even taken care of any living thing. Those plants."

She pointed to the rubber tree being Niesha in the foyer. "Fake." She dashed to the dining room. "These." She plucked a soft pink hydrangea from the vase atop the table. "Fake!" She stormed back into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with a fucking tiny human? Uh, Niesha?"

"Hmmm, feed it." Niesha grabbed the tray of wings and put them in Tulip's lap. "Feed yourself and calm down."

"I—"