iCriminalMinds

Poppin' Out A Baby

REID'S POV

Well, it was official, I was preparing to deliver a baby in front of nearly twenty people while in quarantine for the iCoronaVirus. I would've never imagined in a hundred years that life would lead me here, but Penelope was my good friend so I intended to make the best of this situation.

I assessed the room to pick out someone to help me, other than the two fathers who were eager to support their "juicy baby machine." They said that, not me.

I first looked outside my BAU group. The Big Time Rush boys came to mind. Kendall was too boring, Logan was crying because birth disgusted him, Carlos had passed out hours before from slamming his head into the wall without his helmet, and James is a creature God did not intend to roam planet Earth among humans. So, no good options there.

Besides them, there was Gíbbé and Gibby, who seemed more tense than usual. I figured an argument probably happened between them. Y/N was someone I considered an okay option, but she seemed too angry that day.

Sam was no help to anyone ever, and Freddie was terrified. I looked back to my BAU gang and decided to ask for Emily's help.

"Prentiss, would you like to be my nurse?" I asked.

"No! Emily's not allowed anywhere near me right now!" Penelope exclaimed, shocking me. They were best friends, so I didn't understand why that was. But I knew better to inquire about such a thing with a woman in labor, so I moved along.

Hotch became my nurse, though I could tell he found the situation unnerving. I assumed it came from a place of concern for Penelope rather than disgust like in Logan's case, or confusion in Freddie's.

"Alright, Penelope. Just grab your husband's hands and breathe, okay? I'm gonna check how dilated you are." I announced, she nodded. T-Bo stepped in and offered me a ruler he found in a hospital room.

"I figured it would be good for a make shift 'on a stick meal.'" He explained. That obviously made copious amounts of sense so I continued on normally. 

"Wow, already at ten centimeters! Amazing!" I exclaimed. 

"That's my baby's magic sperm working!" Penelope beamed, looking up at T-Bo. 

"I don't know much about pregnancy, but I don't think that his, erm, sperm, makes much of a difference at this point," Hotch piped in.

"Be quiet, male," Penelope popped off. Hotch gulped and clung to the towel he was holding. I figured degrading Hotch would make Penelope feel better and more comfortable, so I let her continue.

After a little while, it was time for Penelope to push. 

"Alright, Penelope, give me one big push!" I shouted. She gave it her all and probably screeched loud enough for the whole hospital to hear.

"Babygirl! Push harder than you pushed when that guy cut you in line at Subway!" Derek yelled.
Penelope pushed again, this time I could faintly see the top of the baby's head. 

"You're doing great, P!" JJ exclaimed. Penelope shifted suddenly and glared. 

"You're a slut shamer! Don't act like you're so happy to see my dilated vagina push out a baby now!" Penelope argued, I tried to calm her for the baby's sake, but she just slapped my hand away.