Estupído But True.[c]

Bab 39

So you're telling me that, Lucas lahir pada tahun yang sama , bulan yang sama dan hari yang sama dengan aku? Aku melihat gambar dalam album tu .

What the hell is happening ?

Kenapa ada gambar aku kat sini ?

Gambar ni semua Lucas yang gambar dalam diam.

Dan kenapa dia ada my baby pictures ? Aku tak pernah sesekali bagi dekat sesiapa.

Adakah maksud 'her' itu , aku sendiri?

Aku mula rasa tak tenang. Confuse. Angry. Sad. Semua tu aku rasa. Macam nak nangis. Aku menikam anak mata Guillermo yang hanya membisu dan mengelak daripada membuat eye contact.

Aku tahu dia nak cakap something kat aku. Aku ternampak gambar dua bayi . Aku kenal gambar ni. Gambar yang sama aku pernah nampak sebelum ni.

Gambar ni ,

Ada dalam surat yang Marta bagi kat aku hari tu.

"what a fucking fairy tale." Aku tertawa senget menahan geram dan marah .

At this point, I feel like I know what's coming, but I'm still in denial. It feels selfish that I don't want it to be real. From desperately wanting to know everything to not wanting to know a thing.

Then aku tak boleh kawal diri aku. Aku meninggikan suara dekat dia tanpa kusedari." You know what, Guillermo? Every time I come here, and you have the nerve to ask me, 'Until when?' Until when will I keep waiting for him? Until when will I be a fool? But you, you're just the same as me. Until when will you keep your silence? Until when will you keep hiding things from me? It's infuriating! Kau tau tak?" Akhirnya terlepas.

Dia terus membisu . Serabutnya.

Then kelmarin dia cakap: "let me know, when you're ready".

"Fine. If you won't talk, then I will. You really want to know why? Because I know that you know everything that happened, yet you choose to stay silent. Why? Is it amusing to watch me play the fool, chasing after someone who doesn't love me back?"

"You know why I keep coming here? Because of you. I'm still waiting for you to speak up. You knew he'd never come back, but you kept silent. Do I seem like a stupid fool to you?"

"No." Balasnya .

"Then why? What the hell is going on? Is this somehow my fault, or is there something else I'm missing?" Tanya aku. Marah sangat dah ni tapi aku hanya rendahkan suara. "it's not your fault , it's not Marquez's fault too ." Jawabnya .

"Enough with the secrecy, Guillermo. You know why Marta called him Marquez? She straight-up told me only folks from Spain use that name. And that one night, I caught you speaking Spanish to me. What's your connection, Guillermo? Are you his brother or something? You're trying hard to keep quiet, but you keep exposing yourself. Is that why you invented  'Leonard'? That fake name of yours. You're practically faking everything else. Do you even realize that?" sindir aku akhirnya melepaskan geram .

Aku menangis. "Why am I even tangled up in these games? You, you're just a liar. What do they even want from me? I'm exhausted, worn out from all of this, Guillermo." Luah aku.

"That's the truth. I'm from Spain, and I've exposed myself but I don't lie. I don't play games. It's all on you now. You're smart enough to see it, but you're choosing to turn a blind eye. You keep denying the truth. I shouldn't have to be the one to tell you that he won't come back because I know that you already know. You've caught onto half of everything, but the other half you bury deep inside, pretending it doesn't exist.  You know deep down what's going on, but you're too scared to face it. You're a coward, Mariéne, afraid to confront reality. Everything's been planned out. And you've been spoiled because every time Marquez was there to help you with your problems, but he isn't here to bail you out this time because this mess is between you and him." "Kata Guillermo panjang lebar. Aku tak terkata apa-apa selepas ditampar oleh kata-katanya.

"Password , playlist , album , surat yang Marta bagi ... dah cukup sebenarnya." Tambahnya dengan selamba.

Sakitnya, ya Allah.

Aku rasa aku dah tak boleh tahan semua ni. Tajam. Betul ke apa yang dia katakan? Am I really a coward? Aku tak rasa dia tahu apa yang ada dalam otak aku sebab semuanya yang aku fikir adalah mengarut. Macam dalam sebuah cerita dongeng .

Aku mengambil handbag aku dan segera menjejak keluar dari rumahnya.

Apabila aku di luar pagar,  tangan aku ditarik yang membuat aku terhenti . Guillermo menarik tangan aku .

"let go of me! What the fuck do you want? "marah aku menarik tangan aku dengan kuat. Dia pun melepaskan. "I'll drive you home ."Ujarnya. Aku pasti dia tahu yang aku tak bawa kereta sendiri.

"No. Get the fuck out of my face."

Aku menangis teresak-esak. Aku penat sangat. Aku tak tahu nak buat apa sekarang. Dia mendekati aku dan memeluk aku.  Setinggi-tinggi ego aku pun, bila aku sedih aku masih memerlukan seseorang .

"Please."rayunya dalam bisikkan yang sangat halus.

Apabila tiba di rumah aku,"I just want you to know I've got your back, not looking to pile on more."katanya manakala aku membuka pintu keretanya dan pergi tanpa berkata apa-apa.

Sebab tak sanggup nak dengar kata-kata dia. So I admit, aku memang pengecut. Sorry. Dan aku sedar yang aku dah tinggalkan telefon Lucas di rumah Guillermo. "That's fine, I don't really give a fuck bout that anymore."

Aku segera membersihkan diri aku dan merehatkan diri .

Sekarang aku nak tahu apa hubungan dia dan Bill sebenarnya. Tak mungkin diaorang berkawan macam tu aje.Guillermo tu orang-orang Lucas, tak mungkin dia dan Bill tu berkawan tanpa sengaja.

Aku nak jumpa Bill.  Tiba-tiba nombor yang tidak dikenali menelefon aku. Masa-masa sekarang jugak kau call aku. Aku dah nak gila nak mampus ni.

Sebenarnya , hal Lucas ni lagi yang menyakitkan dan menggilakan akal fikiran aku daripada Bill curang ngan perempuan lain. Setiap kali aku jumpa orang baru, masalah akan terus datang .

Aku tak sepatutnya bertemu dengan Lucas masa Bill curang. Aku rela hadap hal tu daripada hal ni. Gila. Sakit tu aku tak boleh handle sebab aku sayang Lucas. Dia dah janji aku banyak benda. Dia buat aku obsessed dengan dia.

Tbc.