falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 28

emma: "baby, calm down. it's okay." i whispered, hugging him tighter. i've never seen him like this. that's because you've only known him for a week, you idiot, my subconscious scowls at me. i rolled my eyes at myself and turned my attention back to colby. he lifted his head up and i was soon staring into the saddest blue eyes. it made me emotional,
to say the least. i don't like seeing him upset. i put my hand on his cheek and wiped the excess of his tears with the pad of my thumb. i smiled weakly, not knowing what to do or how to react. i don't want to make things worse by saying something that shouldn't be said, but i want to make him feel better. do i tell him to calm down? do i tell him to stop crying? do i tell him to go back to sleep and everything's fine? stop overthinking, emma. i sighed, feeling like i lost an argument to myself. pathetic.
emma: "talk to me." i whispered.
he sniffed and took in a deep breath, "in my dream, mike took you... again. he sent me gore videos from a random number of you... hanging on chains by your hands..." he stopped, his eyes filling with tears once more, his voice vaulted with horror, "you were screaming and crying and when i had finally got to where you were, it was too late. all the blood in your body was pooled beneath you and when i ran to you, you were screaming bloody murder. it's all just replaying in my head over and over, emma. your screams and screeches were so loud and so... surreal. you died right in my arms and i couldn't do anything." his tears flowed like a river and he buried his head in my neck for comfort. by this point, my emotional ass had tears stinging my eyes, but not enough to cry. i held him close and placed my hand on the back of his neck to where it was previously. how can he feel this emotional about me? we've only known each other for a week, at least, and he's already crying about me dying...in a dream... half of me is happy that i mean this much to someone, but the other half of me is confused as to why i mean so much to him and how i have this affect on him. i mean, sure, my previous relationships were romantic and both parties were happy, but this has never happened. having a boyfriend that i've only been dating for six hours, at most, that is more caring and wanting towards me than any of my past relationships of six months or longer. i'm beyond grateful for colby, but i'm still in denial as to why i deserve this much. why do i have someone who's so caring and loving—and so very hot— as my boyfriend? and especially now... now that i've been kidnapped, harassed, and have basically been raped... he's still mine. was that my consequence for colby? like trading an eye for an eye? i was traumatized in return for the love of my life? no, that doesn't seem right... does it?
emma: "it was just a dream, colby." i said soothingly, trying desperately to push the unwanted thoughts aside. relax, emma.
colby: "i lost you." he croaked, choking on a sob. just then, a sharp pain pierced through my body. what? i've never felt this way with anyone. i've never physically been affected by someone's emotions.
emma: "you didn't lose me. i'm right here." i said softly, reassuring him. he lifted his head back up to
face me and he gazed at me. as hurtful as the entity of the whole mike situation was and how it affected me by causing me physical pain, in the end, i'm grateful. it taught me lessons that i didn't know needed to be learned and if anything, it brought colby and i closer. closer to the point where i stared into his deep blue eyes and saw my future. i see a future with him. he's my home.
emma: "i love you." more than you know...
colby: "i love you more." a smile creeping on his face. i visibly saw him relax, meaning his mood was being lifted. he puckered his lips out and i giggled.
colby: "give me a kiss." he pouted.
emma: "no... you give me a kiss." i laughed, seeing his face become cheerful and tear-free. that's my baby...
colby: "fine. no kisses then." he smiled arrogantly. bastard.
i laughed and kissed his lips softly, leaning my face down closer to his own. our lips still intertwined, he brought one of his hands up, letting it rest on the side of my neck while he swiped his thumb across my jawline. our soft, gentle, and affectionate caress that felt as if it occurred for hours, ended when i slowly dragged my lips away from his. he smiled his big, boyish smile and i just gazed at him in awe, smiling like an idiot in the process. he laid his head back down on my chest, his deep voice rumbling and reverberating through my body. i played with the gentle strands of his blue-streaked hair while him and i alternated comments about our past, our future, and everything in between. our heart-to-heart continued for longer than expected, but i wasn't disappointed. i learned more intriguing facts about colby and vice versa. the abyssal chitchat ended when it hit me that we practically kicked everyone out of the living room.
emma: "GUYS! YOU CAN COME BACK DOWN!" i  shouted, not knowing where everyone was in the huge quarters of the bunker.
colby: "scream louder, i don't think they heard you." he teased, glancing up at me.
emma: "watch it, smartass." i giggled.
he smiled and he kissed my lips once more. he laid back down, of course, and everyone came racing back into the living room with ease.
sam: "everything okay?" he asked cautiously.
colby: "more than." i couldn't see his face, but i could sense his big, beautiful smile.
kevin: "you sure? you seemed pretty upset." he frowned, unsure.
colby: "i'm positive. thank you, brother."
jake: "at least you're both okay now." he smiled.
everyone agreed and we all conversed awhile longer. something got me thinking, though. where has jake been? he's been absent for the past couple fortuitous events that i've been present for. where is he always at? it's none of my business, i'm sure, but it really makes me wonder why he's being so... sketchy. i shook my head in disbelief, in myself, and focused on the group gossip. it was about an hour and a half later that i was starting to get really tired, but not tired enough to fall into a slumber.
emma: "does anyone know what time it is?"
colby: "go check it yourself." he retorted, all in good-nature.
emma: "i can't, asshole." i giggled. two can play at that game, brock.
colby: "give me one good reason." he lifted his head up to me, his smile reaching his narrowed eyes.
emma: "because your big ass is on top of me."
colby: "at least my heads not big." he chuckled, smirking.
emma: "oh, you want to fight?" i laughed, tilting my head in muse. everyone in the room, including katrina, laughed at colby and i's banter.
colby: "when and where?" he licked his lips. those lips get me every time...
emma: "not sure, i don't know what time it is." i retorted, feeling proud of my comeback. it wasn't the greatest comeback, but it sounded good to me.
colby: "touché, rede... touché." he smiled, gazing at me, his eyes full of love.
everyone laughed and sam pulled out his phone.
sam: "it's almost seven." he chuckled.
colby: "emma and i have somewhere to go in a few minutes." we do?
kat: "so, you're not coming home tonight, sis?" she asked. i don't want to go back home after the situation with mike. even though mike is well over expired, i would, honestly, feel safer if i stayed with colby tonight. that, and he's also my boyfriend now, so, i want to be with him. but before i could even answer katrina, colby answered for me. annoying ass.
colby: "nope, she's staying with me." he said all too proudly. sam and katrina giggled and i just rolled my eyes, smiling to the point that i probably looked stupid. colby got up off of me and i felt my breath return to a normal breathing pattern. i told colby that i would meet him up in the room in a second and he made his way upstairs, making jokes in the process. all jokes stopped and all good moods were destroyed when elton spoke to me.
elton: "emma, you're laughing right now... but i can tell you're not okay." he said quietly, the rest of the group now going silent. i'm not. i averted my attention to my hands and fiddled with my fingers, not knowing how to respond. how do i tell him that i'm not okay and that i'm traumatized and want to cry?
emma: "of course i'm not okay, elton. i was traumatized and i am in physical pain. nothing about that is okay and i'm not going to be for a while." i spoke quietly, feeling all of the negative emotions from earlier punch me in the gut. i was doing good for a solid hour... until he made that comment.
katrina: "emma, tell us what we can do to help." she said sadly, stepping forwards to sit down next to me.
emma: "there's nothing you can do, katrina. it's already happened and it's already done and over. there's no taking back what went on just eight hours ago. unless you know how to make me feel like less of an object, then nothing can be done." i shook my head and headed up the stairs, up to colby's room, before anyone had the chance to say anything. i walked into colby's room, only to find him shirtless with a pair of jeans on. i was too distracted in my thoughts to recognize how good he looked. now that elton made that comment, my energy is switched and now i'm just... sad and feel like crying. colby's face dropped once he made eye contact with me. his eyes widened and he sauntered up to me, his arms open. i closed his door and walked into his welcoming embrace, on the edge of sobbing. he wrapped his arms around me tight and that was when the tears slipped.
emma: "i wish i could take it all back. coming over to this fucking bunker in the first place was a mistake. i hate it... i hate myself! i hate where i ended up! i feel gross, i feel violated... this is all my fault! i'm not okay, colby! i'm not!" i was sobbing by the end of my ramble. i was talking so fast that i'm not sure i even said actual words. colby held me tighter and rubbed my back, working desperately to calm me down. i clawed at his shoulder blades, trying to grip onto something to keep myself together as i sobbed into his naked shoulder.
colby: "baby, hey. shh, it's okay. i got you." he whispered, still speaking loud enough to hear over my uncontrollable sobs.
emma: "i'm sorry! i'm so so sorry, colby! it's all my fault and i'm sorry!" i cried, not being able to control how i'm feeling anymore. colby suddenly pulled away from me and cradled my head in his hands, my tears tracing over his rings as they dripped and spewed across his hands.
colby: "emma, none of this is your fault. you hear me? i understand you're hurt and you're not okay, but please don't blame yourself. the worst part is over now. you did nothing wrong, baby. absolutely nothing. and don't say that coming here was a mistake because i found you and that was not a mistake. i love you too much to let you degrade yourself like this." he said softly, staring deeply into my eyes. "i found you and that was not a mistake. i love you too much to let you degrade yourself like this."
all i could do was nod because i couldn't get actual words out. i noticed that colby's eyes started to water the longer he gazed at me. again, why was this big, badass gang leader crying over me? he used his thumbs to wipe my tears and leaned forward to kiss the tip of my nose. i am so grateful for him, it's unbelievable.
emma: "how did i attract someone like you?" i spoke weakly, trying to push those negative thoughts aside.
colby: "because you're you." he smiled. he dropped
his hands from my face and intertwined his fingers with mine.
colby: "now, wipe up those tears and get ready, beautiful. i know somewhere i want to take you to."
aw... i nodded, and headed to the bathroom to wash my face and clean up. hopefully sam packed me a nice outfit in the bag that he brought me the
beginning of this week...