falling in love with a gang leader

chapter 73

elton: "it's okay, don't worry. come here." he speaks gently and opens his arms wide as he step towards me. i walk into his embrace and wrap my arms around him before laying my head on his shoulder, relishing the feel of his father-like hug. he muttered to the others standing around to leave us alone for a minute before he continued, letting me know that it's safe for me to say how i feel without feeling like i'm being judged.
elton: "you may have had severe attitude towards emily, but i'm proud of you for standing your ground... proud of you for knowing where you stand," he said quietly, effectively calming me down and bringing me back down to earth after my little... outburst, "i'm also proud of you for saving colby's ass, his head was about to blow off when he screamed at her." he chuckled, earning a smile from me.
emma: "it's not like i really had a choice. we all wanted her gone and no one would put her in her place."
elton: "true, but i bet god's proud of you for getting rid of her negativity." he ponders.
i snickered, "maybe i've finally won him over, then. maybe he'll stop making me feel like absolute shit about myself."
elton: "god isn't the one making you feel this way, emma," he replies after a beat, "it's you. you are the one putting yourself down, whether you deserve it or not. you deserve happiness, emma. and if being with colby is the only way you feel that happiness, than you need to forgive yourself and let yourself be happy with him. you can't keep telling yourself that there's no way to fix things, because you're wrong. there's always a way." he squeezes me tighter, his tone gravelly.
emma: "i can't forgive myself, elton. this whole thing just isn't sitting right with me. and i don't know if it's because i feel guilty or because i just feel gross about it. gross about the feeling of betrayal and such. it sounds ridiculous, i know, but i don't know how else to explain it."
elton: "it's because you have a guilty conscience and that's normal. you just have to know that we have all forgiven you," he paused, releasing me and holding my shoulders, "now it's time to forgive yourself." he ran his hand down my hair before giving me a light kiss on the top of my head, giving me the known feeling that he's always going to be there for me no matter what. he's more of the father-like friend among all of us, so none of this weird to me.
emma: "i don't tell you this enough, but i'm glad you're in my life and thank you... for everything." i said quietly, watching a slight acknowledgement smile appear on his face.
elton: "what can i say? i'm practically a dad, i'm getting used to this." he laughs, his laugh so contagious that it makes me laugh with him.
elton: "alright, go on upstairs. it's late and colby probably wants to see you after that whole emily thing." he sighs, dreading saying it as much as i'm dreading the "i'm proud of you, thank you" for a second time in a row. i smile and nod as he does and we both go our separate ways, elton's advice lingering in my thoughts. "forgive myself"... how can i possibly do that?
colby: "hey," his smile fell as i walked into his bedroom, "are you okay?" he asked, his tone worrisome. i shrugged, not really knowing how to respond. what i need to do is talk to katrina. she always knows how to make me feel better. i sit down next to colby as our feet hang off the edge of the bed, my hand in his. the silence in the room was laced with despair and i honestly just need my best friend.

emma: "hey, babe. are you home?" i asked katrina once she picked up the phone.
katrina: "yeah, i just got back from the store. what's up? is everything okay?"
emma: "not really. i'll be over there in a few minutes, i need to talk to you." feeling colby's eyes on me, i keep my attention in between him and i where our hands rest in each other's.
katrina: "you don't sound too good. i'll get the popcorn and a movie ready. see you in a bit." she said worriedly, hanging up the phone. i threw my phone behind me and heard the "thump" of it landing harshly on the pillow.
colby: "is my bed not good enough?" he chuckled, teasing me. i looked up at him and attempted to smile, but my face fell quickly. i just want to go home and cry everything out with katrina.
colby: "baby, what's wrong?" his face dropped in pure fear and curiosity. i don't want to do this right now, bub...
emma: "everything. things that i really don't want to get into right now because it's only going to end with us arguing and that's the last thing that i need after the past couple days and today." i said quietly, my voice groggy and exhausted.
colby: "i'm here for you... you do know that, don't you?" he asked squeezing my hand tightly and affectionately.
emma: "i know you are... and vice versa. but i need to sleep alone tonight and figure things out. everything has happened so fast and my head is spinning a million miles a second."
colby: "does this have to do with me? with us? did i act too quickly?" he asks, his voice kind of panicky. baby, no...
emma: "no, of course not. i loved spending today with you. every second of it. and as bad as i want to cuddle up next to you and fall asleep, i need katrina. i just need to cry and wail for god knows how long to let everything out. it's nothing you did, i promise."
colby: "you can cry to me. you can let all of your feelings out to me... right now. i don't care that you'll be crying for almost an hour because i'm going to be right here crying with you." emma, you need katrina, don't give in...
emma: "colby, don't do this. i don't want to end our night arguing. i'm not going to fuck things up twice." my tone was soft, yet my voice was sharp. his face turned soft when i clasped his hand in mine, squeezing it affectionately.
colby: "i understand, i'm sorry," he pauses, "i'll drive you home." he continues after a beat, his voice quiet. something's wrong...
emma: "it's okay, i'll take an uber home. but, can you walk me out?" i asked, looking up at him as we stand to our feet. he smiled slightly and nodded, opening the bedroom door for me to walk through. we both head downstairs, seeing as no one was downstairs any longer.
emma: "my uber should be here in five minutes, i just ordered one." i said once we arrived outside by the street. he nods and says nothing for a minute, before i was practically yanked by my wrist to where my body was flush against his own, his lips crashing against mine. i was taken aback for a second, but quickly recovered when his hands found my waist and held me close to him. my lips molding with his, i felt the familiar electric sting glide through my veins and into my blood, my hands finding his hair.
colby: "don't tell me you're going to katrina's and then go to god knows where to save mine or anyone else's life. okay?" he says forcefully, his voice gruff as his face rests inches away from mine.
emma: "i'm not going anywhere, i promise. i can't leave you again." i whispered, my voice small. looking as if he was just about to sit there and cry, he enveloped me in a tight hug, his chin resting on my head that's laying on his chest. his breathing mellows me out as we stand there in a hug that means more than just a regular hug. i felt the emotion in this hug and it only made me want to stand there with him longer. i really just want to go back to bed with him and lay down, but it's two in the morning and i need to talk to katrina if i want to sleep. the reason i'm awake now and not exhausted is because i need to get things off my chest and i don't know who to say them to. i could tell colby or elton, but i honestly just want my best friend. she's all i need right now and to be quite honest, i miss her so so much. the uber comes to a stop in front of me, my subconscious screaming at me to say what i really want to say to colby right now. he goes to release me, but i hug him tighter and smile when he does the same.
emma: "i love you." i muttered, flipping my head up to him. his face brightens up with a smile, his mood looking less gloomy than what it was.
colby: "and i love you," he kisses me passionately, "more than you know." he whispers when he tears his lips away from mine. i smiled and he released me, allowing me to get into the uber that is probably wondering why i haven't gotten in already.