Patience (d.m)

1.6: From Bad To Worse

Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish

Henley's P.O.V

I sit straight up, feeling sweat beading my forehead. I resist the urge to cry. I know Nikki will wake up and be crabby since he'll be coming down from a high. The couch groans a bit as I situate myself so that my feet are the floor. I put my elbows on my knees and place my face in my hands.

That dream felt so fucking real.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I felt the wind on my face as I looked down at the calm water. I was standing on the other side of the railing, holding onto it while facing the water. I looked behind me. People were crowded behind me for some reason. They didn't have scared expressions, though. They didn't have any expression, and even looked bored about what was happening. Like someone was forcing them to stand there, but they couldn't care less. Their murmurs swim through my ears incoherently. Without much thought, I let go of the railing, plummeting into the murky depths.

My dream didn't end there. I ended up like a spectator watching the scene after I died. No one moved from their spots. No one was crying as they realized what they'd witnessed. Some of them were laughing at jokes the other told them. No one noticed I was gone. That I was dead.

*TRIGGER WARNING OVER*

Why would I dream of something like that? I'm not that unhappy. Yes, another boyfriend cheated on me, but I still have Tommy, Vince, Nikki, and Mick. I still have my band. I still have Duff and Steven, which I still can't believe. But in a way, I guess the dream is what I want. If I died, I wouldn't want everyone crying over me or grieving. Then again, it's scary to think that no one would notice if I was gone.

"Henley?" Nikki asks from beside me. I guess he got out of bed while I was reliving the dream. "Why are you crying?"

I look up at him, meeting his dark eyes. The moonlight coming from the window is the only light in the room. I feel my cheeks to find them soaking wet. I didn't even notice that I started crying.

"N-Nik?" I ask in a shaky voice. "Would you notice if I was gone? Like just disappeared?"

Nikki's eyes widen. "Of course I would notice. I'd do everything I could to find you."

I furrow my eyebrows. "But why? Don't you still just think of me as Tommy's best friend?"

Nikki shakes his head. "No. Once I got to know you. I noticed how sweet and kind you were. You were a huge change from the jack asses and idiots that I had in my life." I jump as his arms wrap me in a tight hug. I hug back, enjoying the comfort it brought me. "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you. I promise." Nikki pulls back and looks into my eyes again.

I stare back, not sure what he was going to do or what was happening. I'm surprised to find his lips on mine. I hesitantly kiss back, still in shock. After a few moments he pulls away.

He's quiet for a few seconds, then he speaks. "After Angel died, you helped me through the grieving process. I finally quit blaming myself for her overdose all because of you staying up all night with me. You stayed when I was at my worst and even when I nearly hurt you. I know you're trying not to say anything about my addiction. I want to quit as much as you want me to, I promise. I've died once and I still continue to risk my life. I think that with your help I could stop. You make me stronger, Henley."

I blush at his words. I'm happy this room is in darkness right now. I didn't know he felt that way about me. I really thought he only saw me as a friend of a friend. Yes, after his girlfriend died I stayed with him for a few months and helped him through everything. I never thought that one day I'd be sitting in a hotel room with his arms around me after he kissed me.

I untangle myself from him, smiling softly. I stand up. "I'm gonna go see if Tom's done banging that chick and I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Nikki looks at me in shock. I walk to the door, but before I open it, I turn back to him. "If you want me to help you kick the smack I'll help. I'll be by your side for as long as you want me around, Nik."

I exit the room, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. I decide to go down to the hotel bar. Maybe I'll run into Mick or Blakeley or even Jasper to talk about what just happened. I need someone's advice!

I take the elevator down to the lobby and was met with a sight I was hoping to never see.

There stands Sav and a girl I don't recognize. Beside him and the girl is Stephen and Lorelei. I meet Steve's eyes first as I stand there like a deer in headlights. Lorelei turns around and looks at me too. She smiles kindly and waves. The girl notices the couple looking at something, so she turns around to see. Huh, she kinda looks like me. Sav turns around last. As soon as his eyes meet mine, I'm knocked out of my trance. I hurry by, ignoring them and just wanting a large bottle of vodka. I wanna be as smashed as Nikki was not too long ago. However, as I walk into the bar I see a familiar pair of blondes.

Steven looks up and sees me with a drunken grin on his face. "OH MY GOD IT'S HENLEY!"

This catches the attention of a sober Axl and a drunken Slash. Izzy is passed out with his face on the bar and, surprisingly, Duff is sober. I know him enough to tell when he's drunk, even when I can't see his face. He's sitting up too straight to be drunk. He turns to look at me, a guilty smile on his face. I walk over to the band, very confused. I stop beside Duff, who's on the end.

"What are you guys doing here?"