Spotlights II

Chapter 9: Gettin' Lucky

Right. Wrong.

Good. Bad.

Gentle. Harsh.

Love. Hate.

Wasn't the line between those last two so thin that it could disappear without notice? In Decs eyes, everything between him and Ant was finite. That moment teetering between love and hate, it was just that. A moment. Never meant to last and it didn't.

In the end the scales of the universe had to tip and it swung in favour of hate.

Dec knew it as soon as the door of his office slammed shut.

He'd broken it.

He'd broken everything.

Not that there was much left to break.

Liam had walked in just as Declan had asked his burning question, and guess what? Between the two men besides Ant in the room, the singer was reminded whom Ant's care belonged to.

The presenter had swept Liam into his arms, shoving Dec to the side in the process. The lonely geordie could only watch as Ant's distasteful look was aimed his away.

He'd broken that small bond they'd rebuilt. For some pathetic emotion? Worthless pride? Why'd he have to be so selfish?! Whatever happened in that hotel room was Dec's fault. He knew he couldn't keep blaming it all on Ant; even if it was easier that way.

Dec had been the one with no control. He'd been the one who couldn't handle his drink. He'd been so caught up in wanting to keep the taller man at arms length, he'd trapped himself in a cage that chained the younger man against him. His drinking, along with the few pills he'd popped in that bathroom, was what had set him up to fail. It was nothing Ant did.

Ultimately though, it didn't matter who's fault it was, because either way Declan was mad. At everything and everyone... and that feeling only came from feeling lost and hopeless. For once he just wished that the world wouldn't work against him.

Ant had uttered comforting words of denial to Liam, but those could have been just that, comforting words. Nothing more. Just lies.

After what felt like hours, staring at the space left empty by the tall dark haired man and his young lover, Dec finally felt his world start spinning again but his heart was a dull beat behind the deafening racket of his depressive thoughts inside his head.

The singer let his chin fall to his chest and scoffed at what he saw, his most expensive suit. The only one he felt made his body look trim and less.... scrawny. Pathetic, he thought. Who was he really trying to impress?

Nobody cared.

Everyone had moved on with their lives... and by everyone he meant Ant.

Declan tugged to loosen his seventy-five dollar tie, and messed up his perfectly styled hair in frustration. This wasn't who he was. He wasn't like Ant... he wasn't in the same league as the presenter and he needed to stop pretending that he could ever be on the same level as Anthony David McPartlin. Dec knew he needed to stop fooling himself into believing- that by being more successful- he'd become worth more in the taller man's eyes... because all that was causing was more pain.

He was lying to himself, filling his head with hopeless dreams. Sure he'd built an empire, but why would Ant care? To Ant, Dec would always be that homeless busker who'd cheated and broken his heart so harshly.

A plan was what Ant had called it.

Jason's plan, one Declan had played out like an ignorant halfwit.