Infection in the air (walking dead fanfic)

(17) Breaking Point

I've been sleeping up stairs for a few weeks now. No ones said anything and its where I spend most of my time with and without Lights. Carol sent up Judith to play with me for a while.

"Carl says you don't feel good." she said as she played with her Barbies on the floor. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Judith. I just can't remember some important things." I said lightly.

"Sometimes I can't remember stuff, but that's okay. We aren't supposed to remember everything." She said. Carl came upstairs and told Judith to go help Rick with the animals. She got up and excitedly ran out. Carl sat down next to me and pulled me next to him, kissing my lips and moving to my neck.

"Better?" he mumbled against my skin.

"No. Not really." I responded. "Carl, stop. Not today." I finished and pushed him off of me. He looked mad but sighed and left. I didn't mean for him to leave, I just don't feel like making out with him when I'm trying to figure all of this shit out. I laid on the bed and fell asleep.

A while later, Daryl came in.

"Hey kid. Feeling okay?"

"I'm okay, dad. I'm just confused. I feel like I'm in an identity crisis."

"Really? I didn't think anything Carl said could do that much to fuck someone up." Daryl said. "Anyway, dinners ready. Everyone wants you downstairs." I got up and went to eat. Rick and Maggie tried asking if I was okay, but I tried to ignore them.

"Jesus Christ, Jinxx. Quit being a bitch!" Carl yelled across the table. "You forgot about Nebraska, who gives a shit? It happens. No one remembers exactly the way things were before. You should be grateful you can't remember just how bad your mom treated you!" he screamed. I sat there, I don't know what to tell him.

"You don't get it." I whispered. Carl responded with more screaming.

"Yes, I fucking do! I don't remember my friends from before the world went to shit, does that make you feel better?! Get the fuck over it!" I felt tears running down my cheeks and I got up. I ran to our cell and grabbed my gun and my bag. It was stuffed with the liquor and some old granola bars. Daryl was at the doorway when I turned around.

"Jinxx, he-"

"He's right dad, move." I cut him off and pushed him out of my way. I ran outside and to the gates. Glen met me there. He hadn't been at dinner, we usually have one person guarding.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I have to go. Open the gate?" I said. He looked unsure. "I just need to leave. Coming here that long ago was a mistake." Glenn opened the gate.

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know." I responded. I left and ran toward an old town nearby. It took me until morning to reach it. It was Woodbury. The Governor died years ago and the group that was here had moved on. I went into one of the old houses. I went to the couch and threw my things on it. My clothes are mostly in there, and I have some food. Okay. Running so far made me less angry about everything, but my adrenaline was still pumping. I took the key off of the counter and searched the town for food. I returned a few hours later before sunset with 5 boxes of cereal, a few apples, like 20 cans of food, and a case of 12 sodas. I opened a box of cereal and a soda and sat on the couch. Looking around, I realized I'd been here before. This is Carl's old house. I just reminded myself that he doesn't live here anymore and ate my food. I went to bed after I finished the cereal.

I woke up back in the prison cell. Carl was pacing and Lights was crying in her crib. Carl was mumbling something, but I couldn't figure it out until it got louder.