Just Friends | ✓

chapter 1

Sleep had evaded her when she needed it the most, to make it all seem like a nightmare. The way everything fell apart , collapsed without delay amused her in the most heart wrenching of ways. It choked her, the sobs. Tears flowed freely and she made no attempt to wipe them.

What is the point ? When they are returning every now and then.

She lay lifeless on the soft mattress of the shukla's guest house. The lockdown that had been imposed because of the covid-19 pandemic had lifted yesterday and now could she be more thankful?

It was suffocating , knowing that he was so close, just in the next room yet so far. The distance felt like miles and miles apart.

Shehnaaz , wriggled with emotions , tossing and turning in the bed and got up agigated. Tears still receding. While she couldn't come to terms with the epic fall out, she knew she had to accept it. It had all happened. The apocalypse of her world seemed very near to her. How is she supposed to survive without him beside her?

She can't lose him, he's so precious. Then it occurred to her. She could still have him , even after the fall out, but just as a friend. Yes. She'd have him in any form she could. The idea of his absence scared the life out of her.

So, that was that. Decision made.

But first things first. She needed to face him first which was the herculean task. How is even going to meet his eyes ? His orbs that held so much rage and she hate to admit it but she saw what she dreaded the most. Disgust. Disgust in those beautiful, deep brown eyes.

He was ashamed of her love for him.
Sidharth could so easily hate her but she knew he didn't. That small ray of hope in her heart wished whatever he said was in absolute anger but she knew, anger brings out what had been hidden in the front. Somewhere, far deep, he had felt those words. He had meant them too.

But she loved him beyond everything that is said and done. She loved him enough to let him go. Yes, he had hurt her, but wasn't she the one who gave him the power to do that.

And as the great Augustus waters had said,

You can't avoid getting hurt,
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you.

And she had had the privilege of being hurt by him. Of getting her heart broken by him. That was all she had left of Sidharth.
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So she wrote him a letter. Of course, she felt it would have been amazing if she knew either English or Hindi a bit better than what she does now .

She cursed the hilltop school, Dalhousie for not being extra strict and teaching her how to form coherent sentences.

Shehnaaz had to do double the amount of work, first writing it in Punjabi and then having it google translated.

It was early morning when she entered his room. Slowly, tip toeing. He was sleeping, his breathing hard. She sighed. He was tensed , upset and angry. Worse combination.. how is going to have a peaceful sleep with so many emotions flaring in his veins?.

She kept the pages beneath a book that lay on his side table and left the room , softly closing the door.
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Sidhrath read it twice and then skimmed through it again. Disbelief not ready to subside. It was hard to accept that she took it all . He had expected her to come back to him, coax him. Ask for forgiveness. Say sorry for being stupid.

While he was glad she understood he doesn't love her, but this letter pained him. She was supposed to be loud . Not silence.

He never sat well with her silence, it was everywhere.

His stomach was in knots , so he headed for the guest room only to find it empty. The bed made, sheets folded. Not a trace to detect if anyone had slept in.

He rushed through the floors, hopping stairs. His mind, not sane enough to take the lift. He reached her floor, the flat they had finalised with the broker two days back when the lockdown restrictions were partly removed.

Sidharth banged his fists on the door, in frenzied hurry. Afraid of being late. When nobody responded, he opened it with the spare key she had given him.

He found her bags in the hall, kept in the middle , still unopened. Relief washed through the entire frame of his body. But where is she?

He called her number . Once, twice , thrice .... No answer.

After five minutes it buzzed , he picked up on the first ring.

'hello?' he asked horrified.
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There are so many things I myself have to figure out with this plot. So forgive me if things go incoherent.