SUICIDAL || Zion Kuwonu

EIGHTEEN

-Ella's prov

"Guiseppe your scaring me." My eyes swelled up.

"Oh so I'm scaring you." He grabbed me pinning me to the wall, bringing his face close to my face.

"Your hurting me." I gasped trying to loosen my wrist from his grip.

Tears were now rolling down my cheeks

————

I woke up breathing heavily.

I patted my body to check if it was still a dream.

"I- I can't." I cried.

I pushed the blankets off my body so I could sit on the edge of my bed.

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from making a noise as I cried.

I got up and walked to the bathroom.

I splashed water on my face.

As I was looking at myself in the mirror I saw a razor blade.

'It has helped me relieve pain before, let me just use it one last time' I thought to myself.

I rolled up my sleeve, picked up at the blade and stared at it just to reassure myself of what I was about to do.

I took a deep breathe and slid the blade across my skin.

I flinched in pain but soon got used to it.

'Slowly' I keep telling myself.

I could hear myself breathe.

I slid it across my arm again with the bloody coated razor.

'Okay the last one'

I sliced it across my arm for the last time.

"Ah fuck."

I sliced it in too deep.

I quickly grabbed an old shirt from the laundry basket and pressed it against my skin.

No no no no no no

"It's fine, I can deal with this." I whispered to myself.

My arm was becoming numb.

I contemplated on whether or not I should call aunt Meagan.

I walked to the door with one hand pressing the shirt against my skin.

I wrapped the shirt around my cut and took some painkillers.

I carefully got back in bed.

Why am I like this?

It took me time but I eventually fell asleep.

-The next day

I could barely sleep at all last night.

I decided to head downstairs to make myself breakfast.

Before I did I removed the shirt which was wrapped around my arm to check on my cuts.

'Thank god the blood has dried up.'

"Good Morning." I greeted Aunt Meagan.

"Good Morning love, how was your night?"

"It was okay, not one of my best." I awkwardly smiled.

"Sorry about that." She rubs my arm.

"Ahhh." I flinched away.

"What, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No. It's nothing." I replied grabbing a cup.

"Then why did it hurt when I slightly touched you?" She asked following behind me.

"Well, I umm last night I uhhh..." Before I could I finished I rolled up my sleeve to show her the cuts.

She looked at me with a death stare.

"I am not about to deal with this! Why have you started it again?!" She shouted making me to startle a little.
She has never acted like this towards me.

"I'm sorry. I know I promised but I got tempted to do it."

"Don't you just stop and think why you listen to that voice in your head which is always telling you do to all these imprudent actions?!" She yelled as her eyes began to water up.

"You just don't know what I'm going through!"

"Jesus Ella, are you trying to kill me with all your issues?"
".. I swear I don't even know why I decided to take you in." She responded.

"Oh really. That's how you feel?" I huffed.

"No Ella I didn't mean it like that."

I didn't even try to listen to what else she had to say, I just stormed out of the kitchen into my bedroom.

I locked the door and cried until I couldn't anymore.

I grabbed my phone and decided to call the one person I trust with my life....

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Just a filler. Oh and one more thing...

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I really appreciate every single one of you for reading this book.
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