bliss // josh dun

: dying :

"Hey mom."

She said wearing her frail and meek voice as her exhausted mother entered the room.

"Hey love, how are you?"

"Alright I guess."

The brunette girl replied knowing full well it's a lie. I mean how could her mom even ask that question after what she had just been told.

"Oh that's good sweetie."

Her mom sat down on the chair adjacent to her bed leaving an purposefully long distance between the two. They both sat there in silence having zero clue how they are supposed to continue on with normalities or mundane conversations after what they just heard.

"Are you hungry, love?"

She shook her head. She didn't think she could even grasp the idea of food let alone actually eating it.

"Oh okay then um well I'm just going to go down to the cafeteria for something to eat. Will you be okay on your own?"

She nodded despite knowing she wouldn't be and her mom left just at that. She left her alone with her tormenting thoughts.

You're dying.

The words rang around her throbbing head igniting a violent migraine to swirl around in her skull.

I'm sorry.

'Bullshit.' She thought. 'They aren't sorry they never have been. They probably deliver that exact news every single day. The men and women who wear those pristine coats and emotionless looks are practically numb to the feeling of being told you'd be completely gone in the next coming days.'

You're dying.

And that's probably not even the worst part about. Yes believe it or not but there is a more monumentally detrimental fact that is hurting her more then any cold or unsympathetic doctor could. It's the fact that they're not even here. That they are no where to be seen and that is undoubtedly tearing her down more then any trauma or threaten of death could.

'They aren't here when they said they would be.'

She looked at the blank wall and let her thoughts consume her. The thoughts of how she got herself into this fucked up position. The thoughts of how she wouldn't ever get to pay another one of her basketball games or how she wouldn't ever get to see one of her brothers shows again. Or how the only time she'll be able to go to church again will be during her own funeral. The thoughts on how she was going to make it through the next - or better put last - few days without her best friend or her brother. The thoughts on how - quite possibly - the last time they would ever hear from her alive was when she had told them that she never wanted to see or hear from them again and the reason for that was far from justifiable.

Her mind was so completely clouded by the thoughts and questioning of her entire life and soon to be death that she hadn't even noticed that she had began to sob. But to her it didn't even matter as no one is going to she her like this. No ones ever going to care enough to show up and surprise her. As half the people she knows and loves aren't even aware of her current predicament. So she let her tears fall for it could be the last time she could have that draining comfort.

Despite the whirling tornado of deleterious thoughts one of them stuck in her drowning mind. One thought that could merely be described as the final pleas of a dying man. One thought that could be said over and over again but it could change nothing at all. One thought that could singlehanded tear down the strongest of hearts and minds. One thought that is eating her alive from the inside out.

I don't want to die.