When With You

10

Peter Jung was the only normal thing about my childhood.

I had a mother who was over baring yet distant. She cared about me yet if it came to me or Madison it wasn't a mystery who would get the last chicken even though one of them hadn't eaten the whole day. She suffocated me when I didn't want it or need it as if she had suddenly realized she hasn't been paying attention to me. I got used to using my anger as a way to get attention on my terms. It scared her both in Italy and Jackson City, I wanted her to look at me without instantly thinking of her sweet Maddy. I wanted to look different so I became angry, I look different when I'm angry. She'd hug me and pat my bad hair down, that's really the only time she saw me as an individual.

My father wasn't bad. He was a dad every boy would really want. He was strong because he didn't hide his feelings from us, he'd cry when he wanted to and tell us why he had a bad day. A boy needed that. I needed that. He didn't force us to be men, to grow up and be macho like him or grandpa. I was really close to the man, I'd undeniably say he was my hero. Until he left us, I didn't know what to make of it. He would always kiss our foreheads with a goofy smile when he left. But he didn't the one time I craved it. One day I'm showing him my favourite book, the next I'm sitting on his chair waiting for someone long gone.

Madison, he loved me. I loved him just as much. He was mom's favourite and I was dad's, we would argue about that but it was true. I was jealous of him, he wasn't big like me and he had nice soft skin, he had mom's softness while I got the typical Italian manliness. He was still my best friend in any part of the world, he knew me like the back of his hand and I knew him like that too. Despite his arrogance and his big mouth, I could tell him anything and never expect judgment. That's why his disappearance hurt me more. We were supposed to be in it together but he left just like his father and I was so lonely.

I didn't have time to handle my emotions, didn't have time to cry over it all because I was made manager of a breaking family. It was my job to manage the household because my mom couldn't take the heartbreak anymore. I didn't have time to be depressed because someone still needed to look after Michael. I didn't get time to heal because I've never really treated the wound properly. Pathetic.

My childhood was chaotic. People you thought would stay forever just upped and left without warning. Betrayal really didn't come from your enemies.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Peter did it too.

That's all I can think about while staring at this idiot with a fetish for ringing my door bell like a mad man. I'm attracted to this damn fool who was once my best friend, I had an emotional bond towards him and it was deep. That's why I'm in love with him, I didn't have anyone else to create a deep connection with. I'm not sure I want to connect with anyone else.

"Who's at the door? Mason?" My mom calls out and I snap out from staring.

"No one. Not anyone important, ma." I look at him and he smiles, nervous.

"Sorry for being late, I got taken up in some shit. You ready to start our project?"

I narrow my eyes at him, "Our appointment was on Thursday, you can't come here two days late and expect me to cancel my plans. It's Saturday and I have plans."

I didn't want to know why he didn't come over like he said he would, I wasn't interested in it. He didn't even come to school yesterday, not like I cared but that did make me curious, he wasn't one to ruin his attendance so he must have a serious reason to why he didn't come. Again, not like I cared.

"Since when did anyone knock on our door and not be important? Let me see," she pushed me aside and gasped. It's been years since anyone has knocked on our day, they usually sent their complaints through the mail. It's been three years since my mom last saw Peter, gave me shit about losing him as a friend because "that boy is a good kid, nothing wrong with him." I guess nothing was wrong with him, other than his tendencies to betray and replace me.