When With You

15

Fourteen is a normal age to realise that you are neck-deep in love with your best friend who was so straight that he bragged about his soon to be active sex life( four years later he's still a virgin.) I don't remember panicking about my feelings for Peter, I expected it to fade after his first girlfriend.

Of course, I tried to force them out, tried to shove everything down until I meet the girl of my dreams. I tried to just not think about how right he might be for me. I did try but trying to get over someone whom you saw every day, talked to every second, hugged for every happy or sad moment, and cuddled when he came over. It was hard, I nearly died trying to get him out.

At first, I refused to believe that I was fated to be in love with my best friend, this wasn't some book out of a fangirl's library this was my life. I decide what I want and who I want. Yet my heart gave me the flip off and convinced my brain that I was in love. After letting myself admit that I was in love with Jung, I wasn't only giddy but shit ass scared.
But still very giddy, very.

Why would I be giddy about such disgusting cliche crap? Well, before realising my feelings, I always thought that I couldn't fall in love, I mean I was a horny tween who wasn't interested in girls or boys. I would just stare at Peter as he flirted with a girl but the need to do that same was a void, nothing. I was scared I'd never love anyone until Peter made me fall hard.

Maybe that's why I never panicked, I was giddy and over the moon that I was able to love someone. Anyone. I was excited that I could love someone and be loved back, be cared for as I care for them; excited because I'd give them a love life like my parents.

The universe just needed to make it my best friend. Why did I even bother falling for him when he let me slip through his fingers and plumped into a sea of hatred and anger. And betrayal. His rejection would have been better than what he did and put me through.

Sometimes I wish I stayed emotionally alone and deprived-- in terms of love-- it would have been a better manageable experience than him; falling in love with someone willing to hurt me. That's how life works, you live and you learn.

"...And that's why the moon landing is a great historical record to America's pride and immense power. We beat the Russians to it and we continue reaching first known heights than any other. Thank you."

I didn't even blink before the arrogant clapping came, loud and oblivious. I smack my head on the table making Peter chuckle, he thinks my misery is funny, I'll be sure to get my revenge.

Farren claps too as she ticks something down on her checkboard, I'll ask her to show me later.

"Okay, thank you Leon and Sabrina, and please, keep your hands to yourselves next time in my class. So that's the fifth moon landing content I've gotten today, perfect." She smiles a little too hard and I just know she's at her least draw. "Anyway, Divine, sweetie, do you want to do yours now or privately?"

All eyes are on her as she taps her purple nails on her desk, her eyes are unfocused when she replies. "Later, if you don't mind Ms Johnson. "

Farren smiles and nods.

"What's up with her?" I turn my face away from an upset Divine and question Peter, her boyfriend and, apparently, best friend.

He shrugs, plays the string of his coat before signing, "It's either about her dad wanting to marry her off or me and her breaking up." I choke on air, he says this with such a monotoned voice that I nearly think he's not bothered by his best friend's bad luck.

But I notice the way his eyes glosses over and the small tremble of his fingers, I want to reach out and hold them as a way to comfort him, I don't. Instead, I pinch his arm earning a high yelp from him. "What the fuck did you do?"