My Source of Happiness [COMPLETED]

🔷 22 - Smile 🔷

[Angin's POV]

If it means another weekday, then it's another week for us to go to school. And I think, it's better to attend my classes instead, than trying to resist the pain I'm feeling at home, in my room.

Still, I kept remembering what my big brother just said to me last night. I couldn't get it out of my head. I mean, how could I forget something that made my heart shattered into pieces?

Okay, Angin. Just... stay positive. You've been through this before. Don't let those negative thoughts bring you down. You're better than this.

I've been trying to motivate myself for almost the whole day, just so I could be there for my friends if they need me. It's currently our lunch time, and thanks for my friends, they're there for me to get motivated as well. If they aren't here, how am I supposed to go through all this pain?

Somehow, I felt slightly better. Not only because of my friends, but also Lucky's still with me. I know I should also thank my Mom for being nice to me all these years but sometimes, she's just not there for me. So sometimes, I just gotta rely to my friends, or with my pet dog.

I then glanced at my best friends, Api and Daun. The moment I looked at Daun's face, he was feeling so gloomy. As for Api, I don't know if he's trying to insist that he's fine, or he's just forcing himself that he's fine. Because I feel like, he's also quite not in the mood today.

But since I don't wanna to turn down the mood more, I just have to think that he'll be okay.

I then glanced back at our leaf elemental friend, and somehow I think that, something's been bugging in his mind lately. I couldn't help but feel worried about him instead of myself. I took a quick look at Api and like me, I also noticed him looking at Daun, and it seemed like, he's also worried about him.

"You alright, Daun?" Api asked, with a concern look on his face.

"Hm? Oh, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something..." Daun replied, as he stared down at the floor while pursing his lips. Daun, buddy, I know you're not...

And I know... not what but, who it is about...

"It's your big brother, isn't it?" I asked, as I bit my bottom lip. My green capped best friend nodded slowly in response and deeply sighed afterwards.

"You can talk about it with us, you know..." Api genuinely stated, as he placed a hand on our leaf elemental best friend's shoulder. I secretly looked at Api, and I noticed how triggered he was when I mentioned the word, 'big brother'. Hey pal, are you really okay? I'm worried for you as well...

"There's no need to talk about it, Api." Daun softly responded. "I'm fine, really..."

I heard Api sighed in defeat. "If you want to talk about it, both me and Angin will just be here to help you, okay?"  He gently said, giving Daun a warm smile afterwards.

Somehow, he managed to make our best friend curve a small smile on his lips in which, I was relieved by it, and glad at the same time with Api. Heh, I'm proud of you, buddy.

"Okay." Daun replied, giggling softly after.

Few minutes later, our school bell rang, signalling for all of us to go back to our respective classrooms to start our next class.

I then thought of lighting up the mood a bit so, I did the silliest but hilarious thing ever. I pouted playfully and whined like a baby. "I don't wanna start our next classes yet!" I said, groaning. "I hate history class!" I then complained about how I disliked history and how I found it difficult to memorize all the regions of a certain country.

As I was ranting my heart out in a playful way, I faced my best friends and there, I saw them giggling and laughing softly from my funny actions while we walked through the hallway where our classrooms were located. Heh, mission accomplished, Angin. You managed to at least, made them laugh and put a smile on their faces.

Moments later, I stopped, and started calming my nerves down now since, we'd finally arrived on our destination. "Well I guess, I'll see you guys when I see you?" I asked, as I smiled sheepishly at them.

"Yeah. See ya!" Api said, grinning while waving his hand slightly to both me and Daun and bid his farewells to us, making his way towards his next class afterwards. Daun and I also bid our goodbyes to each other then separated our ways afterwards.

I curved a small smile as I went inside my classroom. When I entered inside, there were still few students inside. I walked towards my chair, taking a seat afterward. Since our next teacher's not here yet, I thought of remembering how my friends were doing earlier.

I saw how glum Daun was, and how troubled Api was when I mentioned one person which I said kind of... triggered him. Even though I wanted to state the obvious, I feel really bad, and guilty after saying it. It's just so hard for me to see them feeling the same way as I do, so I tried to cheer them up at least. Good thing that in the end, I did made their mood lighten up a little bit.

But I feel like I'm being unfair here. Api told his problems, as well as Daun. But me, I haven't. Because I'm still keeping it to myself, and that's because of one reason: I don't want to be a burden for them, now that they're suffering more than I do.

Yes, I'm a good listener, but the problem is, I was never an open person. I never told my problems to anyone, not even my mother. My mother already went through so much, so I don't want to be another heavy sack of rice on her shoulder for her to carry. But funny, I talked my problems with my pet, Lucky.

As for my big brother, surely he won't listen to me, even after that incident. But here I am, still trying to be his little brother who brings happiness to him, even though he clearly doesn't need me anymore. But at least, he's happy... right?

Because in the end, all I want is for him to be happy, no matter how and what I feel.

Also, I overheard someone, saying that: If someone makes you happy, make them happier.

Like, my friends for example. They make me happy. As giving my thanks for them, I'll give them more happiness, a much more amount of joy than they ever gave to me.

Yeah, just give all your happy smiles to them. Besides, they need it more than I do. And never once I regretted doing that in my whole life.

Because if I see someone without a smile, I give them one of mine...

I'm fine with it though. But sometimes, I'm just... tired, of forcing myself to smile. Yeah, I said it was fine. But I never said it didn't hurt. 

I'm smiling in front of everyone, but no one knows, I'm actually unhappy...

'Cause you know, a smile is not always a sign of joy, sometimes its a way of telling that I'm not happy, but I'm trying to be fine. Like, I smile, to hide the pain. Because I can't let anyone know that on the inside, I'm hurting, so bad.

I'm also the type of person who could have tears streaming down my face, and still insist that everything is fine. Well yeah, that's me alright. That wouldn't change at all.

But whenever I cry, I feel like a coward. Everyone would think that I'm weak if they see me weeping my eyes off. I shouldn't be that kind of person and I should resist this pain I'm feeling.

People need me, so I have to stay strong and be there for them.