Hold You Accountable (Published) | ✓

Kabanata 9

Kabanata 9

The following days, I avoided Clary's questions about Sarathiel. I also tried diverting the topic to Alex — pero napupunta pa rin kay Sarathiel 'yung usapan.

Ghad, Sarathiel pati ba naman sa bahay binubulabog mo ang mundo ko?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang palagi na lang kaming nagkakaroon ng interaksyon.

It's not like we're super close. Hindi ko na siguro siya sobrang kinaiinisan pero hindi pa naman naaalis ang pagkamuhi ko sa kanya dahil minsan hindi ko tanggap na mas mataas ang mga scores niya sa akin sa mga core subjects namin. Although, I have to admit that I see him as a friend now. A rival but a friend.

Sabado no'ng araw na 'yon at saktong nasa sala ako dahil gumagawa ako ng powerpoint para sa isang presentation namin sa EAPP. Clary excitedly went to my side. Nilingkis niya ang kamay niya sa braso ko habang nakanguso.

"Can you just give me his number, please?" Clary pleaded, giving me her puppy eyes.

I stopped typing, my fingers were getting numb. Lumingon ako sa kanya at kitang-kita ko ang pagasa sa kanyang mga mata. She was really hoping and I could just give it to her but...

I contemplated if I should give it to her or not. Pero sa huli ay binigay ko na lang para hindi na niya ako guluhin.

I swallowed hard because deep inside I didn't know why did I even have to hesitate. I shouldn't question it! She's my cousin! Kadugo ko siya at kung susundin natin ang kasabihan na 'blood is thicker than water' I shouldn't even consider Sarathiel as someone I should care for.

Yet, I feel that I did something bad to him.

Nasira lamang ang litanya ng aking iniisip nang tumili si Clary nang matanggap ang text ko ng number ni Sarathiel.

"Thank you so much! I swear, ikaw ang bride's maid sa kasal namin." Hagikgik niya habang tuwang-tuwa sa pagtitipa sa cellphone niya.

Hindi ko alam bakit natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. I choose to ignore the uneasiness that I feel because I didn't have the right to feel this way.

I shouldn't feel this way.

Kaya naman iiwasan ko na lang si Sarathiel. It was easier this way. I didn't want to feel awkward with him. It also didn't made sense why the both of us are speaking to each other. Magka-iba kami ng strand- wala namang common saamin bukod sa core at applied subjects.

My shoulders slowly slumped. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam dahil kailangan kong mamili. Can I just have them both? Pero mukhang mali kung sakali.

I don't even know why it felt like it was wrong. We are just friends...

I did appreciate he treated me as his friend, though.

It was fun while it lasted.

I looked over my phone and realized that I have to choose. Si Clary ba o si Sarathiel — and I know the reasonable answer, it was Clary and it will always be her. Pinsan ko siya at siya ang kasama ko nang mas matagal. Sarathiel on the other hand...

I nibbled on my lower lip, hindi madugtungan ang dapat sabihin. Sarathiel was a friend. He was just a friend...

He shouldn't make me feel like he was more than that.

Undas break was over. I decided to block Sarathiel on Facebook and his number too. Bumisita rin kasi ako sa bahay namin sa Batangas kaya pagbalik ko sa Manila ay para na naman akong bagong salta.

I was walking towards the ABM building, pagod at tulala dahil sa haba ng biyahe pauwi ng Maynila. I didn't want to go back yet because I was enjoying my stay in our province. Pero may pasok na kasi kung kaya't nabitin ako sa aking bakasyon.