Fearless

53

"We HAVE to stop doing that." I said and rolled out of the bed. I slipped on Colby's tshirt as I looked over at him, "why would we ever stop doing that?" He asked and combed his fingers through his hair, messing it up slightly. Just as I went to open my mouth the sound of Mia's cries sounded through the baby monitor, "THAT'S why we should stop doing that." I said coyly and turned to leave the room.

When I walked into the nursery I grabbed the thermometer, "are you feeling ill sweet girl?" I asked and lifted her up, cradling her against my chest. "Let's check that temperature." I whispered to myself and pressed it to her forehead, I sighed when it read 100.4.

"alright, let's get you a cold bath." I mumbled and started to undo the blanket that she was swaddled in. "She okay?" Colby asked as he walked in, "her fever is coming back." I sighed and looked over at him as he walked over, he took Mia from me and kissed her head as she fussed. "I'm gonna go start a bath for her." I said feeling the familiar pain in my heart. I hated when she was crying, I hated when she was upset, I hated that I couldn't help her.

Colby stopped me before I could leave the room, "hey, don't beat yourself up, you can't help it that she's sick." He said quietly and kissed my head. I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder for a second, "I don't like seeing her upset." I whispered and brought my hand to her head, running my fingers through her hair, "me either, but nobody is happy all the time." He said looking over at me, "I know...I'm gonna get the bath set up." I said and turned around to leave the room as he finished getting her undressed.

I made sure the water was cold but warm enough to where we wouldn't freeze. I got into the tub, even though I was wearing a tshirt and waited for Colby to come in with Mia. I tried to get myself to relax but I couldn't help but feel the pain in my chest, I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough, no matter how much encouragement Colby gives me. I hate that I tear myself down. I hate hating myself.

Colby came in and I shook my head, trying to ignore the feelings bubbling in my chest. "Come here sweetheart." I cooed and held my arms out to Mia. Colby placed her in my arms then sat next to the tub. She looked up at me as her face scrunched up. I smiled down at her trying to signal to her that she was gonna be okay as I lowered her slowly into the water. She started fussing and crying, causing me to frown. I continued to lower her in so that her whole body was in but not her head. I felt tears form in my eyes as she cried louder, Colby rubbed my back gently. I took a breath and started singing to her, hoping it would ease some of the tension she was feeling. As soon as I started singing she stopped crying, focusing on me. I smiled, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away." I sang quietly as she smiled up at me. Colby had joined in when I sang it again.

This time Mia kicked happily in my arms as the water around her splashed. "Yayyy!" I yelled as Colby reached into the water and splashed it, distracting her from her fever. I smiled at him as he looked down at her, I wished I could live in this moment for forever.

After about a half an hour of splashing Mia's temperature finally went down enough for her to sleep. I took a sigh of relief as Colby took her from my arms. "We did good babe." He said quietly and wrapped Mia up in a towel. "Yeah, we didn't freak out this time." I said with a chuckle as I stood up, shivering. "Wait right there." Colby said then left the room leaving me shivering in the tub. He came back a couple minutes later without Mia and with another towel, he wrapped me up in the towel and helped me get out of the tub. I smiled up at him as he rubbed his hands along my arms to warm me up.

"So I was thinking we could talk about our wedding tonight." I said softly as he walked with me to the closet, "what about it?" He asked pulling down a sweatshirt for me, "where do we want to do it? I know we said the winter but like are we going to get married this year? Or next year early in the year? How many bridesmaids and groomsmen? I have to get a dress and stuff so I want to wait until my body is back to where it was. Also we need to-" I rambled before he pulled me to him and kissed me, I melted into him for a second, taking the hint that I was rambling.

"Let's stick to one topic tonight, then we will work our way through it, I told you whenever you are ready for it to happen, I'm ready for it to happen. I just want to be with you forever." He said lowly and kissed me again, letting his hands rest on my ass. I pulled away, "Okay, I think maybe we should have it be late January? Or maybe we should even push it into the spring. I don't know Colby." I said and put my hands on my head. "Don't stress, it's not good for you to stress this much." He said and gently lowered my arms. "Let's do it the first week of February. That gives us 9 months to plan everything. Do you want to hire a wedding planner? Because I'll do that if you feel overwhelmed by this." He said quietly and pushed my hair behind my ear,

"No, I think I want to do it without one. It's more personal that way." I said with a small smile, "maybe I'll get together with the girls and they can help me. At the end of the day I don't care too much about any of it either, I just want you to be mine forever also." I said and kissed his jawline, "I already am." He whispered sending chills down my spine.

No matter how many times he said he loved me, I couldn't believe it. He was just too good for me.