Chasing Forever

6. Late Night

      I found myself on a rooftop in my pajamas, feeling like I was heading for a breakdown. I needed my mom, so badly. 

      I was never the girl who was obsessed with a boy, and I prided myself on that. I never thought that it would change, but here I was. Free-falling for Chase Evans. 

      I found myself regretting not giving boys a chance back home. I so desperately wanted to talk to my mom about my first crush, and I wished it had been someone else just for that simple fact. I was never interested in boys when she wanted to talk about them. When it came to Chase, though? Interested was an understatement. 

      It was terrifying. 

      My options were to buy my feelings down so deeply that they never bubbled to the surface, and just let whatever happens with Chase...happen. 

     The other, way scarier option, was to tell Chase that I had feelings for him. Big, serious, feelings. Then, I would have to tell him he couldn't kiss me anymore unless he had feelings for me, too. Relationship level feelings.

      My phone started ringing and I quickly grabbed it out of my pocket. My dad. 

       "Hey, dad." I stared up at the sky, absently wondering if my mom could see me right now. I liked being on this roof, because I felt closer to her. 

      "Hey honey...I was just calling to check in. How was your day?" I mumbled that it was good, and asked him about his day. "It was fine. My meetings all went well. What are you up to?" 

      What am I up to? I decided to just tell the truth. 

       "I have a lot on my mind. So, I drove around until I found a nice place to think."

      "So, you're out this late at night? Alone?" I could hear the panic in his voice, and it made me think I should have lied. 

      "I'm fine, really. Sometimes I just feel like the walls are closing in around me. I need to be outside in order to breathe right." 

      There was a long pause, and he finally started talking again sounding even more panicked. 

      "You feel like you can't breathe at home? Do you think you're allergic to something in the house? I can have someone come clean every inch? Or I could get you an appointment with a therapist if it's an emotional issue.."

      I almost laughed, because I didn't know what else to do. 

      "That is really not necessary. I'm not allergic to anything, at all. No piece of me desires to go talk to a stuck up therapist about my life. I'm a teenage girl, I like the stars, and thinking outdoors. Okay?" 

     It took me half an hour to convince him that I was emotionally sound, and that I would definitely remember to let him know when I made it home. 

      "I just...I love you, Ever. I'm so sorry that I haven't been a good father. I want you to know that I'm going to try so hard to make up for that. I wanted shared custody, but after your mom left me she didn't want me to see you. I still loved her enough that I didn't want to take her to court. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I love you so much." 

      I felt like my world was spinning, and I had to sit down on the hard surface of the roof so I didn't risk stumbling off of it. 

      "What do you mean you wanted shared custody? I never knew mom was the one that left you...she never talked about it. I just...I assumed you left us..." 

      "Let's talk about this when I get home next week. I'll take you out for dinner, and we can talk. You should go home and get some rest."

      "Okay, I'll head home. Goodnight." I ended the call, and started crying.