The Future I Believe In

Him.

I want to start off by saying I hate my life. I'm not the kind of person that lets that control me and the life I hate. I want to be able to graduate, meet the love of my life, get married and even make love to this person.

I also want to say that I have actually met this person. Maybe I have fallen for him already.

I've been in love, my heart has been twisted in ways that hurt me so much. I've cut, thrown up my lunch and dinner, went wothout sleep for over 24 hours. All because I fell in love.

I didn't let all that destroy my life. I fought like hell and overcame my disorders and addictions.

Everybody handles things different. Whether it's cutting, smoking, or being irrational; it's still killing you in some way.

I stopped mutilating myself because it's dumb to permanently scar yourself for a temporary problem. It still hurts and I'll always love this person.

The life I could have had with him... Maybe if I did something different

This is what I always think about. Obviously I still look in the mirror and think about how ugly I am and how much fat I could lose...

"They say nobody's perfect but I swear he's perfect for me"

I'm not perfect. I totally get that. I'll always make mistakes and push people out. I'll always think about the "what if"s in life.

I want to one day look back and say "I made it."

I am an impractical person with an empty heart. All I want is him to fill it...

But until then I will survive this life.