A Beautiful Mess.

9.

Saturday

I woke up to the constant rattling from the closet and was surprised to find Sindi up before me? On a Saturday ?!

"And then? All this noise so early in the morning?" I asked while rubbing my eyes.

"I'm doing spring cleaning, hau? What does it look like I'm doing?"

I laughed hysterically. I could not believe what I had just heard. Sindi spring cleaning or even getting her hands dirty was as rare as rain in the middle of a drought. Scarce.

"This Rorisang guy must really have an impact on you, huh?"

"Don't bring Rori into this" she snapped.

I left her to continue with what she was doing and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a quick shower so that I could get a head start on my homework while eating breakfast.

Once I was finished showering I went straight into the kitchen. No breakfast today? Mxm it's fine I'll just have cornflakes, I thought to myself as I opened the cupboard, took the box of cornflakes and poured the cereal into a bowl before pouring milk. While pouring the milk I remembered a weird argument that I had with Mak a few weeks back about if the the right way was to pour milk first then cereal or cereal and then milk. Let's just say that that argument remained unresolved but we all know that cereal then milk makes the most sense. They even do that in the ADs. Doing it the other way around is just pure insanity.

I was comfortably seated on the floor with my bowl of cereal in front of me and my books spread across the coffee table in order of high priority to low priority and of course my to-do list.

I started off with my Economics homework because I've been putting it off for the longest time and Mrs Du Toit said that she'd have a book check on Monday.

I was in the groove of things when suddenly I heard a knock on the door.

You can't be serious *sigh*

I waited a bit to see if Sindi would get the door but no one came, instead the knocking continued.

It's 11 am on a Saturday. What could anyone possibly want at this time.

I opened the door and found Mam' Gladys standing in front of me.

" Mam'Gladys, what a lovely surprise." I lied giving her one of my fake smiles.

"I keep telling you to just call me Gogo (grandma)" oh...okay.

"What can I help you with today?" I asked her while thinking we should really lock our gate, neighbours are getting too comfortable. But also at the same time thinking this is Mam' Gladys we're talking about here.

"Well you know that I'm the chairperson of the Church women's league and we've been every meeting Saturday to knit blankets for our approaching charity drive"

" Oh that sounds great"

"It is, we plan on knitting 100 blankets. But I've been met with a little bit of a problem. I can't take Nyakallo with me because uyahlupha (she misbehaves) and I don't have anyone else to leave her with so I was just asking if she could spend the afternoon with you just for 4 hours while I'm gone. Please my darling? I'll pay you R50 an hour"

Thinking about spending my afternoon with a reckless 6 year old at that moment I wanted to say no but like I said this is Mam' Gladys we're talking about her.

Mam' Gladys is our neighbour from across the road and she's always been there for my mother and I. Each time my mother had to work late Mam' Gladys always welcomed me into her home with open arms. She fed me and bathed me. Doing all this without asking anything in return. I knew that the least I could do was look after her granddaughter even if it cost me my peace and quiet.

" It's okay Mam' Gladys don't worry about it. I'll babysit free of charge"

From that her mouth grew into a smile, a contagious one which forced me to give one back. As to whether my smile was genuine, nobody will ever know.

She left for a few minutes and came back with Nyakallo who was carrying a backpack and a colouring book. I let out a sigh of relief, relieved that I wouldn't have to find something that would entertain her and that she brought her own entertainment.

"Are you sure you don't want me to pay you, I feel like I''m asking for too much?"

"Noooo, don't worry about it Mam' Gladys, really."

"Thank you, my child." And then she was out the door.

I looked down at Nyakallo who stood in front of me cross armed like the little madam she is. I let her in and offered her juice but instead she just looked at me with that same look children gave you when they didn't like you. I didn't care, I didn't like children either so I guess we were on an even playing field. As long as she wasn't in my business then I wouldn't be in hers.

I sat back down on the floor and proceeded to complete my homework and Nyakallo still sat on the sofa with her arms crossed with the same expression. Half an hour had gone by and she hadn't moved. I had managed to get my Economics and English homework done during that time. I was just left with my Maths homework.

"Hey, Melo why haven't you--oh, I didn't know we had company" Sindi said, surprised to see Nyakallo here.

"I'm baby sitting for Mam' Gladys "

"Oh, I see. Hi Nyakallo" she waved but didn't get one back. "Rude much?...Anyway I was actually going to ask you about this box" she said with my mother's box in her hands.

"Sindi, can you please put that away" I said trying to sound as calm as possible.

"I just wanted to know why you haven't opened this yet, Melo its been a year"

"I don't want to open it Sindi, okay?"

"You want me to open it for you?"

"No Sindi, I don't" I yelled not realising that I was yelling.

"I know you miss her, I miss her too. But it seems like you're trying to push her memory away. You're behaving like she didn't exist" She said and I could hear her voice breaking. I held back my tear and tried to swallow the aching lump stuck in my throat.

I have to be strong.

"I'm not trying to push her away, she was my mom Sindi!" I yelled but then eventually calmed myself down. " I'm just trying to move on, okay?"

I grabbed the box from her hands and put it on the night stand in my room. I stood in there for a while and that's when it hit me that I haven't slept in it for a year and a half now.

No, not yet. I thought, reassuring myself that I was not ready to sleep on my own again.

Not now. Not yet.