A Beautiful Mess.

21.

Today was just a mess. I had a fight with my two best friends and only friends for that matter. It felt as if the world was off its axis and I couldn't help but think if the problem was me. Is it my fault that Mak won't tell me what's up with him and is it my fault that Luniko and Siya couldn't tell me about the thing that's happening between them. Is there something wrong with me? To make life even worse I've been having so many thoughts about my mother and trying to put the pieces together of the puzzle that she left me. The mystery. All this with the added stress of the semifinals this Saturday and the history presentation this Friday. There's too much happening at the same time and I genuinely feel like I'm too young to be dealing with so much at one go. I need an escape. I need to find something that would get my mind off things, something that would distract me and when I finally thought of the one thing that would get my mind off things I couldn't believe that it was actually me that was about to do this.

Sindi was slouched in her usual spot on the couch scrolling through the tv.

"Sindi I want you to do my make up"

"You want to do what?"

"Do my make up, I'm giving you permission to finally test out that look you wanted to try out ages ago"

"Are you serious right now?"

"Yes I'm serious"

Sindi jumped up in excitement and skipped into the bedroom to fetch her make up kit. She came back, sat me down and started assessing my face whilst thinking to herself. She was thinking out loud but I still couldn't make out what she was saying. I felt a bit uncomfortable and a boat load of regret the longer she took but finally she started.

She started with some primer before proceeding to my eyebrows. I couldn't see myself while she was doing my make up because she said she wanted the final product to be a surprise and I think that's what scared me the most. While she proceeded to do my make up I told her about everything that happened today and what was on my mind at the time.

"Is it me? Am a not trustworthy, is that why they don't want to tell me whats going on" I questioned.

"No, Melo, sometimes people need time to process what's happening before they can talk to someone else about what's going on. In Mak's case he's probably trying to understand whatever situation he's in so that when he talks to you about it he can do it from a point of understanding. He probably wants to tell you but is probably scared and maybe feels like he doesn't want to make his problem yours. Just sit down with him and talk to him. Tell him that he shouldn't feel like a burden to you when he has problems and that you're there to support him and not judge him okay?"

"I hear you"

"And then with Siya and Luniko's case, I really don't know what to say there. If they didn't want to tell you then the problem must be with them, the problem is not you. Don't let what Siya said get in your head too much. People change and relationships change. This is the time when you'll loose friends and gain some friends. You'll be surprised the number of friends that walk out but you'll be even more surprised by the ones that come in."

Sindi was right about everything. She was right about Mak and about Siya. People go through things and need time to reflect. People change and you find yourself drifting away from the people that you once regarded as friends but you also drift towards people you would've never thought you'd share a bond with. This life thing will confuse you but it will also excite you. Life's a voyage, you'll never know where it will take you, you just have to brace yourself for anything.

After close to 45 minutes of Sindi doing who knows what on my face she was finally done and handed me the mirror.

Lord help me, I thought to myself as I lifted the mirror towards my face. I paused for a moment as I assessed my face and I was in awe of the person I saw on the other side. I didn't look like my usual crusty self. I looked so different but in a good way. I admired myself for sometime while I gave Sindi my nod of approval. Even though I feel like she could've gone a bit lighter with the eye shadow, she still did the 'things' and I looked amazing.

***

Today we had Life Orientation outside for our group discussions about social issues affecting teenagers today. Mak and I hadn't spoken since yesterday but today we had no choice, we had to talk seeing that we were in the same group. I sat on the grass as I waited for the rest of the group to make their way to where I was sitting. Mak approached and I observed his walk and I was glad to see he looked fine today. He sat next to me and we stared into the distance in silence.

"Hey" he said and I replied.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I was being pushy and I should've respected your privacy... You know I care about you right?"

"Yeah I know"

"Whenever you're ready to tell me what's going on I'll be here, even if you just want an ear to listen, I'm here"

"Thank you, I really appreciate hearing that from you"

"Well you know I got you" I nudged him and he smiled. I know that when the time is right he'll tell me, until then I'm just going to bombard him with my problems.

***

"I have another idea for the presentation on Friday." I said as Senzo fiddled with his pencil while staring into mid air.

"Okay, what do you have in mind?"

"Have you watched the Shaka Zulu movie?"

"Yeah, it was a while back though I think I was 7 when I first watched it"

"Okay great, so just to add a dramatic element to our presentation, I was thinking we could come in with the theme music for the movie"

"Oh that bom-"

"Yes that one, you don't need to sing it to me"

"That sounds really cool, we'd be stealing the show, at least we'd have everyone's attention"

"Seeing that tomorrow I have debate practice and having soccer practice on Thursday it mean the only time we can really rehearse is Friday at break, so we'll meet here at break, don't be late"

"Okay chill on the late coming situation, I wasn't late on Saturday so I wont be late again."

I finished up making our cue cards while he decorated our poster and we were done. The only thing left to do at that point was to practice and present and I was feeling pretty confident about our presentation. After we were done with everything Senzo left for soccer practice and I went to work.

Once I got in the bus I remembered that he was writing earlier in the day and I had forgotten to ask him how it went.

I'll send him a text later.