Eyes Wide Open [TWD]

°•twenty•°

"You're not actually making me stay with her?" I ask in regards to Michonne, "If Maggie is going back in there then I have to go."

"You and Kate can't go back in. If they spot you they'll take you out faster than seeing one of us," Rick tells me after he's pulled me aside to tell me Kate, Glenn, Michonne, and I have to stay back at the vehicle.

"You need more people," I argue, needing to back Maggie up.

"Jade, you're so stubborn," Rick sighs, pinching his nose in annoyance and remembering how I've always been this way.

He knows that better than anyone.

"Yeah well I'm back now so you gotta deal with me Uncle Rick," I half smile, I haven't called him that for years.

"I need to talk to you, Jade," He looks directly into my eyes.

I can already tell where the conversation is going as his entire posture straightens and his hand twitches in nervousness.

"We're talking right now," I shrug and he nods and sets his right hand on my shoulder.

"Your dad.. I didn't want it to go the way it did. I never wanted to do anything like that in a million years. To him or you," He speaks in a low voice.

I close my eyes momentarily and take in a uneven breath. Exhaling I stand still for a passing second, though it feels like hours blowing by. I slowly open my eyes and look into his blue eyes. I can see the the sincerity, honesty, and heartbreak as he talks about my father.

"I know you didn't. Neither did I but, I don't know what changed him. He said and did things that are still unforgivable," I tell him, returning the honesty.

"I'm sorry Jade. I've known him- I knew him for most my life. He was my brother and I'm so sorry I had to do that," He apologizes.

"I know.. I just wish I could've told him some things," I tell him.

"I know honey, me too," He whispers, putting his head down.

"I'm sorry about Lori. I regret not telling her things either," I reveal.

I treated her so badly and I wish I could take it all back, the feeling of her being gone hasn't sunk in completely yet.

"Yeah, I know," he repeats, putting his head down momentarily.

I let air out through my nose and look up to the sky for a second.

"Carl.." Rick begins.

Don't think about-

"He misses you," Rick breaks my thoughts.

"I.. I can't," I shake my head, forcing emotions down.

Don't think-

"He's changed so much. I know most of that is not having you. I.. I should've searched harder after the farm. You two need each other but I.." Rick sighs, "I thought about myself. I couldn't think about looking at you after what I did."

I tried to not let that hurt.

He left me behind because he couldn't face his own guilt..

"I forgot that you and Carl.. You two can't be apart. Took me seeing him change so much- grow so distant for me to remember."

"I can't think about him," I whisper.

Rick sighs again, pulling me back into a hug.

"We just need to get through this," he assures.

"I'll stay back," I nod, agreeing to his terms.

"Thank you."

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