virago|c.g.|

xiv

The door shut softly behind Clary as she exited the home, her eyes resting upon Glenn. He leaned against the porch railing, his eyes only averting as she came to his side, offering a mug. With a soft thanks, he took it in his hand and drank timidly. "Maggie made it, don't worry. I doubt I could make anything that didn't come from a can." Glenn let out a sharp exhale, the closest thing to a laugh she had heard from him in the past few hours since they hadn't returned. "I used to think that too, except more like I couldn't make anything that didn't come in a delivery box." Clary looked to the man before the two smiled with their humor.

They let silence take hold over them for a moment, letting the stars shimmer in the darkness before Clary broke the silence. "I'm sorry you had to lose Noah that way. He seemed liked a good kid and I— I wish I wouldn't have been afraid to get to know him." Glenn only nodded, a solemn look in his face. "You, um, you said you've seen people die in front of you. Was it ever that bad?" Clary took a moment, rubbing her thumb against the rim of the mug before nodding softly. "You'd think as Commander, I'd see a lot of people die in front of me in ways unimaginable. I mean, as a leader, I've had to tell people to fight and die for me, for Solaris. I've had to watch people die because they weren't used to this world but they were too dangerous to have in my home." The girl clenched her jaw. "I've only seen two people that I cared for die right in front of my eyes. Even then, that was too many." Clary allowed herself to take another moment as the memories flashed in her head. The faces, the screams, the blood gushing or the bones breaking.

Clary knew she didn't have to tell him this, she knew he didn't expect it, but she also knew how much she wished someone would tell her it wasn't your fault when someone you care about dies in front of you. "The first was my sister. She was everything good in this world, and she found a lot of good in it too." A smile appeared on her face. "She had recently gotten as close to married as you could in this world to my mentor Leon and they even took in a little girl who had lost her parents." Clary clenched her jaw. "The leader of the group that took down Solaris had targeted us earlier, and his system was to kill at least one person to get the message across. He had chosen Leon, but my sister loved him so much she laid down her life for him." The girl shut her eyes as the images flashed in her head, Glenn looking worriedly to her as he saw the effect the memory held. "He beat her with a bat right in front of me. In front of her husband. In front of all of our people that had gathered." Her eyes opened as she took in a sharp breath. "And the last words she ever said was that it wasn't our fault." Clary allowed her head to fall in mourning. She hadn't thought about her sister in so long, she almost felt guilty. But her guilt was taken as Glenn placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort. They stayed in silence before Glenn's voice broke it, his hand falling but his gaze never faltering. "And it was her death that led you to become the Angel of Death, right?" Clary nodded. "Yeah, it all sparked with her death. She— losing her made me lose myself, I guess." Glenn thought for a moment until he realized she hadn't finished. "And the second?"

Clary looked far off in the distance, tracing the rim of the mug with her finger. "My best friend, Millie. I, uh, mentioned her earlier. She was... amazing, always called herself my partner in crime." Clary smiled, thinking of the girl. "It was the night after we saw Solaris had fallen. We had planned to stay the night in a home we had found a couple miles from where Solaris had been, get some rest before figuring out what to do. She offered to take first watch so me and Ashton, her brother and my boyfriend, went upstairs so we could get as much sleep as we could. But he— he had other plans." Clary clenched her jaw, wondering if this was too much to put onto one person after he had just lost a piece of his family. She also wondered if she was even ready to reveal herself in a way she never thought she'd be able to. And maybe she had reached her breaking point, yet as he placed his hand on her shoulder once more, she felt calm. "I know you're scared. I know you haven't really had anyone to help you, to listen to you without expecting something in return, but I'm here. I care about you, Clary, and maybe that makes me stupid but I don't care." Glenn let out a sigh. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, just as I have been since I first helped you."