virago|c.g.|

xxxi

With the dim lights of the housing and the moon being her only source of light, Clary walked through the barren streets of Alexandria. The only thought in her mind was that of Carl. She had seen the blush upon his cheeks as she pulled away, knowing very well the same tint was upon her skin. She didn't know what had overcome her, leading to her now wanting to beat herself up for allowing Carl to see a breach in her emotional armor.

For so long she had been trying to keep him out from being so close to her heart, but he had found his way through without her even realizing it. However, the thing that terrified her most was not of the act of opening herself up to him but rather by how comfortable she feels doing so. She didn't feel fear, not like she had before. It felt different, like something had changed but she couldn't pinpoint when it had.

Pushing away the thought, she walked with the intention of reaching the small plot of land sectioned off for crops, knowing that Maggie was there. Before she had left her home, there had been a note left on the counter by the woman, letting her know she would be there for a while to work on trellises. She invited the girl to visit her and help her out, the girl having no doubt in her mind that she wanted to spend time with the woman that had done so much for her. Not wanting to dwell on the access she had given Carl into her heart, something that terrified her deeply yet almost liberated her, she would rather use her restlessness to help.

Approaching the plot of land being used to farm, Clary saw Maggie shaping pipes into trellises, starting on the second one. The woman's head perked up as Clary made her way closer, a smile appearing on her face. "I wasn't sure if you'd join." Clary shrugged. "Of course I did, you really shouldn't be doing all the work, considering—" Maggie raised her eyebrows as Clary motioned towards her stomach, letting out a soft laugh. "Hey, I am still very capable of doing work." Clary nodded, raising her hands in defeat. "I know," Clary responded before making her way to the trellises and holding onto them. "Doesn't mean you have to though. I'm here." Maggie's smile grew as she nodded, placing a hand on the girl's cheek. "Yes, you are. And you are doing a great job holding those trellises." Clary rolled her eyes playfully as Maggie pulled away to grab a piece of twine.

As Maggie began to tie the trellis together, she noticed the silence from the girl. Worry pricked at her heart as she finished tying, not reaching for another piece but rather facing the girl. "Something on your mind?" Maggie asked the girl, who stayed silent. Clary thought for a moment, wondering what she could tell the woman before she nodded softly. "How do you know when you care for someone? Like I know with family you just know it. Like with the group, with Enid, with you and Glenn, I know how much I— I love you." Maggie smiled softly at her admittance, never getting tired of her words. "But... romantically? I— I'm not so sure." Maggie's eyes widened as she realized the girl was probably talking about Carl.

After a few moments, Maggie looked to the girl. "Why do you say that?" Maggie questioned, chasing Clary to shrug. "I thought what I had with Carl was friendship. We work well together, train well together. Sometimes I feel like he knows me better than I know myself." That thought caused the girl to laugh, causing Maggie's gaze to soften. "But I thought it was just that: friendship. But when I mentioned that anything more would never happen between us, he seemed sad. And I hated that I made him feel that way because I— I care about him." Clary clenched her jaw as she said those words out loud, realizing her admittance meant a lot more than just caring for him. "I mean, he's my only other friend besides Enid. I've spent a lot of time with him and it's not filled with fear like it was before. But now I'm scared because what if I start to care for him past friendship?"

Maggie smiled softly before placing a hand on the girl's arm to comfort her. "You don't have to be scared, Clary. Carl cares about you, and in what way? I think we both know." Clary's eyes widened softly as she realized that her feelings were not hidden, and neither were his. "He wouldn't want to hurt you or scare you because you mean a lot to him, that much is obvious." Clary sighed softly. "So how do I know how I feel about him? This whole thing, it's new to me. With Ashton we— it just kinda happened and pretty fast. This is slow and careful and I don't know—" Clary's voice was cut off as the two heard a new set of footsteps approaching. Maggie looked towards the sound before giving a nod to Clary, signifying the conversation would have to wait. "We get the trellises in, we can start growing vertically. Double our yield of tomatoes per square foot."