Sincerely, Charli Day

Chapter 16

The dream always starts the same.

I'm always somewhere else, anywhere but home with my family. I'm always selfish and doing things my way. I'm always picking someone else over my own sick mother.

It's the beach with a dreary sky, the beach that Haisley loves so much. Water splashes as Haisley pulls me through the waves. I laugh as I kick the water up, getting her clothes wet. It's nice to be out in the fresh air...but something never feels right.

Suddenly Haisley is dragging us too far out, or maybe I am. It's always like I can never control my own legs; they keep moving deeper and deeper until the water covers my chest.

Hands crawl up my body, prodding and groping as they refuse to let go. Maybe just one pair of hands, but always the same...all over.

I always scream for Mom. Never for Haisley or a lifeline. The scream ripples across the surface of the water, but never echoes loud enough for anyone to hear. It's like the waves know...I know... how much I have fucked up.

The screaming doesn't stop as Haisley calls for me. Always screaming, always pleading with me...but I can never escape, can never breathe.

Instead, the waves drag me under and I forget how to hold my breath. I can never remember how to breathe as a crushing weight continuously washes me under again and again, dragging me further and further down into this pain.

I'm always under the waves...

"Charli," Someone shakes me roughly. "Charli, wake up."

I gasp, clenching my stomach as I turn on my side, pulled from my nightmare. Cherié startles at the foot of my bed, padding towards me. I groan, turning to see my terrified brother.

"What is it, Bud?" I ask groggily, slipping my glasses on. My question becomes more urgent as I hear retching noises coming from down the hall.

I kick my blankets off, reaching up to place a hand on my brother's distressed face.

"It's going to be okay, Bud. I need you to go back to bed. I'll take care of Mom." I rush out of my room, leaving Leo to trail behind me. "Where's Dad?" I ask over my shoulder.

"He went to Walgreens to get more ginger ale and meds." Leo responds nervously. I nod before opening Mom's bathroom door.

The lights are off, but I can see her sprawled figure in front of the toilet. She leans over the bowl, resting her forehead against the cool surface.

"Momma, it's me." I kneel beside her, tying her hair back before flushing the toilet. "I'm here."

She groans, gagging again. I search through the cabinets, pulling out a clean washcloth to wet with cold water. I carefully dab her forehead and the back of her neck, noticing how pale she is. My stomach continues to churn as I resist the urge to vomit myself.

"Sweetpea," She croaks, turning away from the toilet. I sit beside her, leaning her frame against me. "I-I'm okay."

I wipe the area around her mouth, cringing as I realize I'll need a new towel. "No, you're not. I need to get your some water-"

She shakes her head, holding onto my hand. "Please don't leave."

I blink back tears, grasping her hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Momma. I'm right here."

She leans into me, closing her eyes. Torn between letting her rest and keeping her awake for safety reasons, I stick with the latter.

I nudge her gently. "Mom, you have to stay awake with me okay? We need to get some liquid in you and check your vitals before you can sleep."