The Stars and The Moon - Tsukiyama

Chapter 13

~Tadashi POV~
I can't remember how long we stayed in the same position. My arms tightly secured around his neck while I sat on his lap, his hands gripping my waist and his face buried into the crook of my neck. My chin rested on top of his head, my gaze locked onto the calming blue sky above us.

Neither of us had said a word and Kageyama had left the rooftop to sneak back into class. It was just us. My heart was racing and my face was as red as a tomato. I didn't know what to do, I shivered any time he adjusted his head or moved his hands up and down my torso. My breath hitched every time I felt his eyelashes brush against my collar bone.

"You can calm down..." Kei mumbled into my shirt, causing me to flinch at his sudden words. He leaned his back against the bench, pulling me with him and looking up at me with a small smile. Through all of the years I've known him, I have never seen a smile this soft and kind on his face. It made my heart skip a beat, it should be freaking illegal to be that handsome.

"Yama?" I heard him ask. I must've been staring, how could I not, I'm always at a loss for words but dammit. Seeing him smile was too good to be true and I would stare at him smile all day if I could. "Sorry..." I whispered, reluctantly averting my gaze from his. "Yama, I wanna talk about what happened last week." He said all at once which caused me to momentarily freeze.

I honestly hated going back to this topic. Wait. Last week... we had a sexual moment, he kissed me, I kissed back. The next few days afterwards he didn't say anything about it and averted the topic. On the weekend he... rejected me? As the memories of the previous week flooded my mind, I could feel Kei's hand travel to my lower back, rubbing it gently.

That's when I had finally regained my composure and placed my hands on his wrists, swiftly moving them off of my hips which slightly startled him. I quickly took this chance to get up off of his lap and stand up straight. "Tadashi..." He said, barely audible but loud enough to be heard. "Don't... don't use my first name right now." I breathed out, surprising the both of us.

"Ta- Yama please, let me explain myself." He said, patting the seat on the bench next to him, gesturing for me to sit down. I had managed to keep a straight face as I took a seat next to him, making sure to leave a few inches in between us since I honestly didn't want to be touched in that moment.

A look of sorrow and regret washed over his face before he turned to look down at his hands.

"When we kissed Yama, I felt like I had accomplished something grand. Not like acing a test or winning an award, it felt like I had done what I was brought into this world to do. I know it sounds cheesy but it's the truth." He said, causing my eyes to widen. "And when I said that I was sexually frustrated I lied, I realized I liked you before any of that happened and when I saw you lying there, I couldn't help myself. But when I saw those bruises and the cuts..." He said lowly, rubbing his eyes from under his glasses.

"It really hurt to see you like that... I lost all self control I had and I kissed every bruise I could find, every scar you had and I did it because I wanted you to feel safe. I want to be the one to make you feel safe Yama, I want to be the one you turn to when your scared or hurt..." He said before choking on a sob. At this point he had given up on wiping his tears and just let them stream down the sides of his face. "I didn't... want to be the one to hurt you but I did. I couldn't stand seeing you cry because of me, then when you left with Oikawa... I thought I lost you..."

My heart shattered at the sight of him pouring his heart out like this. I never knew he would be this emotional about me, he's never cried over anything yet he's balling his eyes out because he hurt me. All I could do was watch and listen, willing myself not to cry was the hardest part.