Alter-ego//Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader One Shots

For you

Author POV

You are there for everybody.
They say that they're here for you.
You are happy.
You actually feel happy.
You feel like you saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
That you finally found your way.
You succumb into darkness for a long time, when out of nowhere, you get a chance to rebuild your life.
You take that chance.
Because you want a change.
You want to be happy.
You want to be with people.
Even if you used to push them away all your life or at some delicate moments in your life.
They accept you as their own.
They accept you for who you are.
You can't accept yourself for the way you look or behave.
But somehow, it seems that they accepted you with all of your flaws and insecurities, even if you haven't told them too much about yourself.
You start building yourself.
You start accepting yourself.
And you love it.
You love this chance that you took.
And as you walk on the road to accepting and loving yourself, someone looks at you like nobody else did before.
They say that you're amazing for who you are.
You are flattered by their words.
Not even two weeks pass and you're already in love.
They're in love as well.
You dedicated your time for each other and thought that it was enough for you two to take a risk and take the relationship to the next level.
You are happy.
Truly happy.
You feel like you have everything you ever wanted.
But something still felt like missing.
So after you talked to yourself, you decide that you need some time for yourself.
You talk to them to make them understand.
They say that they do.
But somehow, they get you back to them by saying that they will wait, that it won't matter if you hurt them.
And that hurts you.
So you think of yourself as the most selfish person.
Until you grow tired of it and decide to leave.
Because you don't want to suffer in silence when they don't know what personal space is.
And you start to feel suffocated.
You explain that to them.
Many, many, many, many times.
And they still don't understand.
You end up things with them.
You decide to stay friends.
Everything goes well for a little time.
You suffer because you really liked them and poured your soul into the relationship, even if you were the one to end it.
But people are still asking:
"Why are you suffering? You decided this. They should be the one suffering, but oh look, they already are"
The decision "you" took...
You both decided to do it.
You didn't take this chance alone.
You have your reasons why you ended things with them.
But you can't suffer, it's prohibited because you decided to do it.
But if they did it...
What would they have said?
"Oh, come on, get over it, you're gonna be fine"
You start looking for comfort in your friends.
But they start to seem a bit distant.
You swallow hard to stop the turmoil inside you.
To stop yourself from crying in front of everybody.
So you won't be called a crybaby.
Or seen as an attention seeker.
That you did that on purpose.
That you want their pity.
So you swallow your saliva to stop yourself from breaking into tears that haven't fell down on your face in so long.
That when you got home and they started falling like rivers, you felt weird.
Weird because you forgot how it was to cry almost every night.
Because you were finally happy.
In the same time, your friend joins this "family".
They feel left out in the beginning, but not for too long.
They say that they're too shy to strike up a conversation.
But in a couple of days, you see them doing better than you.
They're getting along with everyone.
And you're happy for them.
Truly happy.
After the breakup, everything seemed to be a bit more boring than before.
Doing the same thing every time you went out.
It feels like a chore.
And you start feeling more and more empty inside.
You want time for yourself.
Because you deserve it.
You ask yourself if it was the good thing to do.
You tell yourself that it was.
You needed it.
You deserve it.
In the same time, you help your friend as much as you can with the person they like.
Because you want to see them happy.
And everything starts going well.
Your friend feels like they've been a part of the gang longer than you.
You don't mind that.
You just want them to be happy.
You decide to stay at home for a couple of days.
To get yourself back together.
They all hang out, without you.
You don't mind.
You tell them:
"Have fun!"
And they do.
They start having a lot more fun than they did when you went out.
From what your friend told you.
You feel your heart hurting a bit as your friend tells you what they did and how fun it was bad think to yourself:
"Why didn't I go?"
But a more important question would be:
"How come does this happen only when I don't hang out with them?"
It hurts you a bit.
You start to feel left out.
It starts hurting even more.
You are there for your friend as they need a piece of advice.
You are texting them through a blur of tears.
Why tears?
Because you feel left out.
A part of you is telling that this is a pathetic reason to be sad.
While the other one is telling you that you're not welcomed.
You never were, you never will be.
You start losing faith in yourself.
The road to accepting yourself crushes right in front of your eyes because the anxiety is taking over yourself.
Making you feel like the worst person alive.
Even though you are an amazing person.
But even so...
You continue to smile and tell them:
"I'm glad that you had fun"
You go to your best friend who doesn't like going out that much.
You want them to say a good word to you, that it's going to be okay and that you are not going to be left out.
But they say:
"Sorry, I don't like to hang out with other people beside you, so I don't know how it is..."
They don't know how it is.
You don't know how to feel anymore.
You are there for everyone.
But in the end...
Who is there for you?

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Vent