Eev and Ank

Episode 9 Eev and Ank

"Du er ikke alene,"- Isak "Tu non sei solo,"-Martino "Tu n'ai pas seul,"-Lucas "Ja aber jetzt bin ich dar,"-Matteo "Pues que yo no voy a salir corriendo,"-Cris "Ik ga niet weg"-Robbe -Skam

For days I have tried to hide any contact. My friends, obviously, suspected something immediately. They tried to talk, message, come by my house. But all I wanted was be alone, handle myself and think about Eev having to handle this. I can't even stand to talk with Lucas he calls me every day multiple times.

The only thing I do on a day is go to school, eat and sleep. Oh and draw it's the only thing I do that isn't a life-necessary. Every day I walk extra blocks so I walk past Eev's school in the hope to see her. I only wear black instead of the rainbow coloured outfits I normally wear.

It's Wednesday already, I come home and I walk straight to my room to lay on my bed and just be done with this day. But when I open the door I see rainbows everywhere, no one is in my room, but I know who did this, my friends. It actually makes me feel better, a quick reminder that they are here for me. I know they are but even if I don't say anything to them. Even now I ignore them, even at my lowest point something they have never really seen of me. I want to text them but don't have the energy. First a shower, it is pouring outside and I'm soaked. After the relaxing shower I group call them and even though I can't tend to smile I am actually happy to see them. We don't talk about me and why I am such a shitty friend, but just about normal stuff, school and life. They know me and know I will talk if I want to and otherwise I can handle my own things.

Lucas calls me late the night after I had a nice talk with my friends, it is Thursday. He didn't bother to call me earlier today or yesterday because I haven't picked up the days before. When I answer his call he is actually brushing his teeth not expecting me to pick up. He greets me surprised and signs I have to wait a second until he is finished. "Are you okay?" he asks. Starting with the hard question, "I will be, sorry," I say. "It's fine. And you know what I'm about to say," he adds. "That I should care more about myself, or that I can always call you?" He smiles and says, "Both of course, but I meant that you shouldn't handle everything yourself." I wait for a second and don't answer but say, "How about you, everything all right?" I can tell he is concerned but answers my question, "It goes well between me and Jens, like I told you last week about our breakfast. Even some progress in our coming out." "Want to tell me about it?" I ask, knowing how keen they are on their privacy. "Of course, you can handle that?" He asks. I nod and add, "It might take my mind of things and I know you don't always have good times either." He confirms my statement and starts talking, "So Jens started with his best friend Robbe I told you about, who has a boyfriend himself. He wanted me to come with him but he wanted to do all the talking himself. So he went on memory lane, to when Robbe came out to him and said that was one of the moments Jens found out he was bi. Robbe was very supportive and already kind of figured something was going on when I showed up. I was very proud of Jens and told him 'it's my turn now.' Robbe didn't get it, so I told him that we made a deal to do this together, so now it was time to tell my mom I'm queer. He answered with 'That is very sweet of you, I think it will be fine, she is your mother so she will probably come around, just like my very religious mom did.' And it actually went way better than I expected, she said I will still be her son and that she will always support me. And btw it gets better with her episodes since we are here in Belgium. So Jens' other friends were btw very easy because they suspected something and already supported the lgbt community." It always clears my head to talk to Lucas and to hear someone else's story, like I'm not the only one with problems. I even want to tell him a story, "I told you about that breakfast right, so we really had some fun after that, we did some talking and even went on a date. We went to a bar and had some drinks, and then-," my breathing stocks by the memory and I stop talking because I don't want to remind myself. "Then what? You have to tell someone," he waits, "not me but someone," he adds in his soft comforting voice. "I will," I whisper, after some silent minutes passed.

It keeps echoing in my head, I said that I will tell someone, but I can't think about someone. Other than Eev. She might understand, but she will never let me. I haven't texted her since I went to Seth.
So the next day I decide to text her.

"I'm sorry that I didn't text you for a couple of days. I actually struggled too. Never felt this bad before. I can't talk bare to talk to anyone. But I need to and can only think of you. I can't take this any longer."

I start crying while typing the text, some emotion already starts to come out. She immediately reads my text, but the longer I wait, still no reply.

I hear someone at the door but I don't mind it and let my roommates handle it. Then I hear a knock at my door, after the third I walk to my door and open it. Then I see Eev standing there with a bit of a sad face in a leggings and a hoodie and I immediately start crying and hugging her. It is a mix of sadness, being scared and happiness I'm here with her again. After a couple of minutes I loosen the grip and say, "we should go sit on my bed." She firms the grip on me and whispers in my ears half trough her tears, "You are not alone." These were the only four words I craved for the past week, from someone, but mostly from her. "Thank you," I whispered, "I will never leave you/ I will be with you," I added. We both started to cry again. Even though our eyes had cried so much for the past few weeks. We lay down in the bed not breaking the hug and just laid there without any talking. After some time we kissed because we were bored of being sad, but not letting go of each other. Until we fall asleep in each other's arms and found some peace in each other.