Eev and Ank

Bonus Eev and Ank

"Sometimes you just need to invest in love,"-Lucas

So tonight we have a party because it's the last week of school. Nash and Adam are throwing the party, but because I live in the biggest house and there aren't any adults it's at my house, so I'm also kind of hosting it. But I like parties at least the decorating and preparing part. We have some summer decoration but also used the rainbow decoration from my room. What do you expect from 4 gays, because Eev is also helping us too. Last week at Saturday after we called with Lucas and laid on my bed I decided to also call my friends. I actually missed them and it didn't feel right to not let them know I'm okay. Actually only Malia and Adam picked up, Adam is also fully intergraded in the group right now. They were both very happy for me that I was doing better and that I had Eev. It was a short call and we decided that we should talk more at school and we would hang out after. We went to the classroom where the support group takes place, there was no one that day. Eev didn't feel like going out and talking so she stayed at my room. She stayed the whole weekend because she felt more safe at mine than at Seth or with her family. There she would be all alone the whole day. Her father works all day long and the rest of the time he is at the hospital, her brother is at a friend's house and is busy with school the rest of the time.

Sophie got us donuts and we sat a bit silent at the beginning, but I decided to just tell them what happened from the start. That I went to Seth's house, that he told me that her mother died, which was a lie because she's still in a coma. I also told them about my father, but again I couldn't be vulnerable about it in front of my friends, they knew he left it was more of a fact and not a struggle. I don't get why it now again is easier than thinking about it, like I don't realise what I'm saying. They also were a bit surprised, they saw it didn't hit me. I told them how it now didn't affect me, like I build a wall around me and I couldn't see what was behind it, so I couldn't accept the loss or realise that he left. And that last week when Eev lost her mother I could actually see that, some bricks were missing and it all hit at once. Malia told me she once had the same when a friend of her mother died, she was her babysitter and they were close. It hit her way after when she got a new babysitter and she only then started feeling the loss. After that I told them how I texted Eev, not getting any response but then she was at my door and it immediately felt good. That we had a nice weekend and we talked about a lot, our parents but also how that affected us. With her I felt it more, it was more real, but I also felt the wall closing again. To not feel, be vulnerable, to only see the sunshine. I also gave them an update about Lucas, they were never really friends, but he sometimes hung out with us. They were surprised that he now had a boyfriend because he always was popular, never had a weakness and sometimes really a jerk. I said that I actually got it, he was always different around me, showed his weaknesses and I was how he talked about Jens. It was not less than when we first met, but it was definitely different, like the puzzle piece finally fell into place. More pure, he was different in Belgium, he didn't feel like he needed to prove himself, to be the quarterback on the football team and to be this masculine person he actually was not. He actually told me that later, he now feels more free than in England and that there weren't expectations in Belgium. We called again on Tuesday it started with where we ended when he called me and Eev. He texted me that it was fine later that day, but that was it. On the phone he told me that Jens hit the wall and that was the scream we heard over the phone. He was in tears and it al came out, how he didn't get why people could not just leave each other alone, how there is so much hate around love. He tried to calm him down, lead him to the bench and that he brought their eyes together, he placed his finger over Jens's mouth and he knew he needed to say something but totally forgot how the quotes went. Lucas made his own, 'Don't worry about others, don't worry about time, because we are here now, we are together and that is the only thing that matters. That we are together and that we love each other.' It was so in style of Skam it felt so poetic, Lucas was even surprised about himself. And it actually worked, Jens softened, relaxed and looked back into Lucas's eyes. He landed back onto the world by the words of him and of the gentle touches. Jens started crying and not letting go of the hate that now outed itself in sadness. All Lucas could do that he knew would shut Jens up was kissing him, the thing that made Jens so scared now calmed him down until he gave in and said, 'maybe it is a good idea to just live now, to be together and to love each other and not to think about what we will do the next moment or what will happen.' Lucas was so relieved that Jens was out of his head for a moment and that he actually listened and heard what he said before. They both had a great weekend too, first a bit scared of Jens's parents but after they went to Lucas's house it faded away and they could be themselves without worrying about anyone else's opinions.

The party is starting and the first people are arriving, of course Sophie and Malia arrive as one of the first. My roommate Deli also invited some friends to join us, Sophie invited some people from her class, Malia invited her siblings, who also invited some friends. Of course Adam and Nash invited some people, who I also have never met, but everyone looks really nice and likes the decoration. I gave Eev the key to my room so she could zoom out if she needed to. And if one of my friends needs some time, now she is sitting there with Sophie. I'm not really partying but more watching, how there is a dance battle between Malia, her twin siblings and some other people Deli invited I think. Adam and Nash are playing truth and dare with some of our classmates and a couple of their friends. I think I saw a spin the bottle game, but it also looks like there are just two couples making out in the kitchen. And some random people just talking to fill up the rest of the space. I decide to tag along with the truth or dare, because dancing is definitely not something I do. Then I see they play a version where you also need to take shots if you don't give the right answer or something like that. I don't feel like attempting anymore, so I decide to just listen, then Adam says that it's my turn. I say I don't want to play. Nash says it's okay, respecting me not drinking. Adam still looks sad so I decide to make an offer and say, I'll join if I can shot lemonade. I see a smile appear on his face not out of disrespect, but out of joy I joined and maybe even a bit of pride. "Truth, when did you know what your sexuality is?" he asks me. "That was about 3,5 or 4 years ago, but that was only when I realised what it meant that I felt all along," I answer without a bit of shame. "Next are you," I point at a guy with a bit long, Justin Bieber mixed with Harry Styles like, brown hair he is a bit closed off and only looked at his phone the whole game. He even looks a bit disappointed like he is waiting for a text or for someone to just appear right in front of him. He looks up at me and gives me the death stare, which I answer with a smile and say, "I dare you to text them." He looks at me questioning like I could read his thoughts and replies, "No I'm not going to text her, she will murder me." I answer with, "Then I'll take that blood on my hands or I'll do it myself," not knowing who I was referring to. It looks like he shrinks a bit and says, "Okay what should I text her then?" "Your emotions, or just the text you prepared this whole game," I say with a smirk. He still doesn't look happy with me placing my finger at his soft spot, "Fine," he murmurs. After that I decide to take a look at how Eev and Sophie are doing. They both needed a bit of silence and could use the company. I asked if they wanted a drink and they said that they would come with me to join the party. The kitchen now was empty and while I was grabbing a Fanta for myself I asked what Eev would want and she said that she wanted the same, and added that she decided not to drink alcohol for a while to see how it will turn out. There I stay in the kitchen with a view over the whole party, placing my hand on her hip and pulling her a bit closer to me. The same feeling appears, I lean a bit closer and say in her ear, "You know, I wanted to say just one last thing to you, it's that I love you." She looked me in the eyes and I melted even more, when I thought that wasn't possible. She came closer to me and said, "Then I have something to say too, because I love you too, no matter what." After that we kissed until we were both out of breath, we stayed silent drinking a bit and then kissed again. For almost an hour until I heard Nash say, "Oh here you guys are, we thought you went to bed or something." We laughed and I said, "No I just needed some time with this beautiful women. Thank you by the way for not letting me give up on her." He smiled back at me and said, "I would never let anyone give up on their love, especially not if that someone is you." I hugged him and only then I saw that Sophie, Malia and Adam also joined to look at us after they found out Eev and I were in the kitchen. "Group hug," was all I could say, while they were already joining and everyone was laughing and almost falling onto the ground.