Eev and Ank

Episode 10 Eev and Ank

"I have a Lucas, I can't lose this."-Elliot "I don't have a Lucas, I thought I had, a female, one."-Lola "A luquette."-Elliot

When I wake up the sunlight hits my face with a nice warmth; together with the warmth of Eev in my arms. Instead of the cold of my tears I felt the past week. She didn't run, like I somehow expected. She was still here with me like we promised each other. I kiss her hair and start to model it with my hands so I can every inch of her face. Her eyes start to move in her cases, she starts to breath heavier, she is having a nightmare. I try to wake her by shaking her shoulders, after just a touch doesn't work. She opens her eyes and all I see is fear and sadness. Looking in my eyes makes the emotions softer but I can still see and feel her pain. "It's okay, I'm here with you," I whisper while pushing her closer to my chest. Her breathing lowers and she starts comforting herself at my chest. "We should really talk about last week," she says with a soft voice. "I know and it will not be easy but we have time, right?" I reply. She nods, "I have nowhere to go to. Which actually is quite literal." "But first get ready and have some breakfast," I suggest. Her eyes start lighting at the thought of food, "Oeh I'm actually starving." "Good I will make us some pancakes, Dutch pannenkoeken," I reply. This is the first day in over a week that I feel fine, that I make myself breakfast, instead of cardboard tasting cereals and that I wear something with color, my favourite shirt, with a smiling rainbow cartoon.

I place the whole tower of pancakes in front of Eev, she looks with wide eyes and I place powdered sugar and sirop next to it. "So I like mine with sugar, but you can also add some jam to it, or go savoury with cheese or bacon," I say while she still looks surprised. "I'll try the sugar first, it is just that it looks like a lot," she says. I smile and add, "Yeah, it is lighter than you think, maybe still a lot, but just try and see yourself." She takes a bite and looks even more surprised, but maybe even delighted, "They really are good." I let her finish her first pancake before I start the conversation and say, "So now the talking part, you want to start?" Trying to not sound desperate and to not rush her when she isn't ready. She nods and starts, "So at our date night, I got that phone call it was Seth, he told me that I needed to come immediately something was wrong with my mom. He didn't want to tell me what so I guessed it was bad. And it was, she was depressed and I didn't know her different than that. So she overdosed and we don't know if it was on purpose or not. She is still in a coma. But I couldn't handle telling you, I felt like I needed to be strong to take care of myself and of my younger brother and father. But I just collapsed couldn't do anything only be sad, even though she never really was a mother figure." I try to digest the story, but before I asked the question I knew I couldn't take this, take it that she should go trough this pain. I sigh and after I take another bite I say, "I'm very sorry to hear that, but you already know that and heard that enough. But last week I called Seth, even though I will never forgive him, I needed to know you were okay. He told me your mom died, but apparently she is in a coma. And it really did something with me, it hit me, knowing you are in pain, and it brought me back to some pain I shut down, but maybe never processed. Last week I shut myself out, didn't contact anyone, only ate, slept and went to school." I keep quiet while my head keeps rumbling, Eev also sits silent across from me. She looks sad, but content I wonder why and then I feel that she is actually holding my hand and brushing it as a sign that we are in this together. I give her a thankful look back. "You know that I would never want to make you sad, that if I knew this would happen to you, I would have shut you out immediately. This pain does it help to talk, or is it still fresh?" she asks. "It helps that you are here now. And I never knew this would happen until it did, you know that I will never let you go. Because that is just the pain I grant no one, the pain that hurt me the most," I pause and take a breath, "when my father left me." I feel my breath stock and my eyes start to become swollen. But I also feel two arms around my neck, while she sits on my lap, and a her soft voice in my ears, "I don't get why he would ever leave you." I start sniffing and snuggle in her neck. "It was because he wasn't free, and I even said that I was okay with it, but I never forgave him," I add, we sit here for a couple of minutes until is say, "and your pancakes get cold, he would never accept that." She gives me a kiss and sits on her stool, "He learned you to make these?" she asks. I nod, "Every Sunday he made them for breakfast. But I haven't had them in a long time, only when I visit my grandma." "You know my grandma always made us French toast. The same as my mother did back in the day before her depression, and miscarriage," she says. I smile, "Memories, sometimes I can't stand them, but some can make my day. But being with you will always be one of my best." She smiles back at me, while I make something as a photo or video of this moment to add to my memories.

We had a nice day talking about memories, our parents and some darker times. We ordered pizza and watch Love, Simon, but around 7 o'clock Lucas calls me. He normally texts me if I have time so I'm a bit worried. "Hey Lu how are you?" I say when I pick up and give a 'I don't know'-look to Eev. "Ank, Ank I really need your help now," he almost screams in full panic. I set him on speaker so Eev can also hear what's going on. "First start to get calm, then tell me what is going on," I say, while I start counting my breaths. He doesn't let me calm him and starts, "Are you okay, I don't want to bother you if you don't feel like it. You know last time we talked, but since you answered I think it is fine, but if-," he starts scrambling out. "No it is fine, I took your advice and Eev is here with me. Now tell me why you called and are in such a panic. Is something wrong with your mom," I try calming him down. "No, not my mom, it's Jens," he starts, still a bit stressed but knowing I will help him calmed his voice a little, "so I was with Jens in the park and we just sat at a bench we held hands sometimes kiss noting special, but we got followed and there was this guy. He started saying really mean and homophobic stuff and I just walked passed him and wanted to get away from him. But Jens he got so angry, he wanted to scream things back and started to bald his fist. And I tried to stop him, the guy actually walked past us and didn't even look back. But Jens still is angry not calming down, he looks so hurt. We can't go to his house because his parents don't know about us and might not be that supportive, we sit a couple blocks away at a bench. He looks hopeless and I don't know what can calm him down. He's in his own world, nothing is working." He sounds so hopeless and so in panic. Then Eev pokes my arm and points towards my wall, at a specific quote, the minute par minute. She mouths to me if she can talk and I nod. "Hi Eev here, uhm," she starts to get uncomfortable, I give her a reassuring nod, "there is this quote at Ank's wall and it says something like this, that you should take the time and if you can't handle that day, you should take it slower, and take that hour or just that minute and do it minute per minute." "I actually remember that quote it hangs at the side of her closet. Next to my own favourite, 'you never know what will happen, but life is now,'" he says. "It actually isn't, because that quote is with you. I gave it to you and you hang it on your closet, in Belgium," I say. "Yeah right it is, but it used to be there," he states, then we hear something that sounds like someone who just hit a wall or a tree, and a loud scream of pain mixed with anger. "Uhm I think you have somewhere more important to be. Make sure he is okay. Let me know later," I say and end the call. "I think you also have somewhere more important to be," Eev says, while she wraps her arms around my waste which makes my head fall into her lap while I fall onto my side on the bed. This while I have the biggest smile on my face, together with Eev's. I'm tickling her thighs to make her even laugh more. We start rolling on the bed and almost fall off, but I grab her waist and lean in so far that our lips collide, to keep her from falling of the bed. This kiss after such a laugh of joy was just what I needed to know that, I love her.

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So next week there is a bonus, because I loved writing this story and a little present for my birthday.

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