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TW

Usually when you get a gut feeling you should just follow it and not do the dumb shit you are about to do. I'm stupid I guess. 

Milo and Chase are going out by themselves tonight so that leaves me to go to the party on my own.

I probably shouldn't but my numbness is killing me.

I guess these days if I'm not feeling angry or sad, I feel nothing. And feeling nothing is worse than being sad.

After a long scalding hot shower I start to get ready for the party.

I do my makeup a bit heavier than usual, adding a bit of eyeliner and bronzer.

I wear a black turtle neck and a cropped green plaid shortsleeved blazer and a matching skirt. I wear my combat boots with it  and a white hairband in my straightened hair.

I make sure to put my necklace back on after putting on my outfit.

I look in the mirror and decide this is the best this douchebag is going to get from me tonight

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I look in the mirror and decide this is the best this douchebag is going to get from me tonight. Minimal effort, I'm only going for the drugs.

God, am I really that desperate?

Yeah.

I leave a note for Chase on the coffee table in the living room and I grab the keys to my car and leave.

I type in the address he gave me into my phone and begin the short journey.

The address leads to a frat house at the edge of town that seems to be bustling with college kids.

At least I know that if I get murdered there will be witnesses.

I park my car at the nearest spot to the house I can and make my way inside.

There are drunk college kids dancing and grinding against each other, drinking from red cups and passing around bongs.

That's hardly hygienic.

"You made it babygirl" I hear his voice from behind me and roll my eyes at the way the pet name sounds coming from his mouth.

I plaster a fake smile on my face before turning around to face him.

He looks absolutely wasted and his eyes are bloodshot from whatever he has been smoking.

"Yeah, I guess I did" I say.

He flashes me a boyish smile and takes my hand, leading me upstairs. There are a few people littered throughout the hallway talking and making out.

He leads me into a room and I notice nobody is there and the feeling of anxiety immediately makes a pit in my stomach.

"Here" he says and hands me a joint. I take it from him and I am about to bring it to my lips but I get the feeling I probably shouldn't.

I didn't see this joint getting rolled, I don't know what could be in it.

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