Found In the Past

17

Scorpius's POV:

"We'll be okay," Albus repeats, his voice growing firmer. I try to believe him. I really, really try to, but I can't ignore the hopelessness inside my heart. "Scorp," Al pleads, removing his hands from my face. A strange sense of loss rises in me without his touch, making me feel very alone.

"I'm sorry," I manage to choke out through the emotion in my throat, "I am so, so sorry."

"This ISN'T your fault. There's probably this stupid cost for you saving the world, right? Though we did sort of destroy it too," My best friend tries to lighten the mood, but I can see the echoing sadness in his lingering green eyes.

"I thought living without you... in that awful world.... was enough of a punishment," I whisper, an odd sensation hitting me suddenly, "But now- we-" I start to stutter, hating every word I have to say. Albus places a hand on top of mine reassuringly and a shock jolts through my arm.

"What? Are you okay?" He pulls away and I flinch, suddenly light headed. The way I'm reacting to his touch is probably just proof something is wrong with my brain. Albus's gaze flicks down to our intertwined hands. He looks back up to me and bites the corner of his lip nervously. Now you're looking at his lips, I note, looking away before I can screw everything up even more than I already have.

"It's nothing," I mutter, looking back at his grinning face.

"Are you sure?" Albus's voice sounds far away, but it seems like his face is closer than it was before. I feel heat flood to my cheeks. What is happening????

"No," I admit sheepishly, not wanting to lie to his face. I DO NOT LIKE MY BEST FRIEND!!!! my mind screams for me to snap out of it, but that doesn't stop my heart from beating irrationally in my ears.

"Me neither," he whispers softly. The stupid, brain-damage-induced, love-struck feeling decides to strike again, and my heart starts pounding in my ears even louder. Just kiss him already, a small voice chides in my head.

I COULD NEVER LOVE YOU LIKE THAT!!!!!!

The agony that strikes into me is absolute and I gasp in pain. I jerk away from Albus, putting as much space between him and my confusing emotions as possible. I blink fast, trying to get this demonic voice out of my brain.

"I'm so sorry..." I manage to gasp out, "I know you said and you could never lo-"

"Sorry to interrupt," a recognizable voice, laced with amusement, cuts through my thoughts and I look over to an opening in the white curtain. My father stands there in the light, his mouth twitching up in a repressed smirk.

"F-father," I manage to get out, turning even more red because somehow that's possible.

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy," Albus says cheerfully, masking everything effortlessly like I can't.

LOOK... HE'S NOT AFFECTED AT ALL! The voice is quieter this time, but the knives it sends through me hurt all the same. I lean back as if slapped, but I can't show anything in front of my father. Albus's hand finds mine again and electricity sparks through my fingers. I meet his concerned eyes and nod at him slightly, pretending like I'm fine.

"Mr. Pottah," I mentally smack my face as my father insists on using incorrectly-pronounced last names to address my best friend.

"You can, uh, call me Albus," Al tells him awkwardly, messing up his hair even more as he stands up. Regret tugs at my stomach as his emerald eyes meet mine for what could be the last time in months. There's so much we need to say, but it's too soon. Or rather, too late.

"I'll owl you," I tell him quietly. He nods, shoots me a heartbreaking grin, and leaves my father and I alone in the tiny space.

"Want to explain why you look like a cursed bludger ran into you a couple dozen times?" my father asks with a wince as if in memory. He sits down on the chair Albus had just vacated and gives me a fatherly "look".

"Later?" I ask more than answer, looking down at the now-strangled bed sheets in my white knuckles.

"Young love," My father sighs dramatically.

"I AM NOT-" I start to exclaim but he holds up a hand to stop my outburst.

"Later?" He smirks and ruffles my hair, offering me an arm to stand up with. "I got your owl. We can talk when we arrive at the Manor," He smiles at me slightly as I try to stand. I sway dangerously and promptly fall into my father's waiting arms. "Careful, Scor!" He warns, a strange level of concern thick in his voice. I guess I haven't gotten up from the hospital wing bed since the voices. 5 days ago...

"It's like walking on that Muggle sailboat you took us on that one time," I comment, smiling up at my father slightly.

"Astoria hated that," he starts to laugh, but it dies down quickly at the mention of my mother.

"I think we all did," I reassure him, testing if I can stand on my own weight again. I stumble a little but I manage to make my way to the curtain.

"Ready to go home? Your grandmother's missed you," My father places a hand on my shoulder as I push the curtain back. It's the first time I've been out of that cursed bed in days, but sadness at leaving shoots through me.

"Father..." I start quietly, trying to find the right words.

"Yes?"

"Why can't I...?" I gesture at Hogwarts as we leave the Hospital Wing, unable to finish the sentence. I want to stay. I need to figure out a lot of things...

"Because you're not well. And if something happened to you... I... I couldn't...live with myself," he chokes up slightly and looks away. The strange air of vulnerability around the platinum-blonde man besides me is enough to take the edge off my anger at leaving.  I take his hand and try to squeeze it reassuringly. It's an awkward motion, but I know he gets what I mean by it. We're still not good at the whole "father-son duo" thing.

"I understand," I say softly, "but it doesn't mean I like it."

"Malfoys are allowed sulk. Well actually they do it a lot, but as long as you're coming home I'll be alright," Father smiles knowingly and my lips twitch up despite themselves. "Let's go home."