Found In the Past

35

Scorpius's POV

The dark shadows above my bed shift with the moonlight, twisting into clawed hands reaching slowly down. I yank my gaze away from the ceiling and shift onto my side, battling back my unreasonable panic. I never used to hate the dark, I remind myself in vain.

A sudden noise outside of my room makes me freeze. The breath in my lungs burns as I hold painfully still, adrenaline and fear flooding my system. The noisy floorboard, which I know is only three away from my door, creaks again and I squeeze my eyes shut. The doorknob twists and I hear the door being pushed open slowly...

"Scorpius?" A familiar voice whispers in the dark. My eyes shoot open and I sit up quickly, turning around to face my grandmother's silhouette. "I take it you aren't asleep," she whispers with a small laugh, closing the door as she steps into my room.

"You could have woken me up," I offer, reaching down in the dark for the wand I know I left on the chair. "Lumos," I mutter, flicking my wrist slightly. The point on my wand flickers with enough light for my grandmother to locate the lamp by the door. She pulls the string with a click and immediately a soft glow illuminates the room, frightening the shadows away from us.

"How are you doing?" My grandmother asks me quietly, walking over to my side. Her long, white hair is down tonight, flowing to her waist in nearly ethereal lighting as she sits down on the bed.

"I've been better," I answer honestly, pulling my knees to my chest to make more room for her. My grandmother sighs softly, rubbing her arms as if there's a chill.

"I know, Darling. Is there anything you want to talk about? Something keeping you up?" She asks me, steel eyes staring into mine questioningly. I shift uncomfortably and hug my knees tighter.

"Maybe," I shrug, but an annoying half-smile I can't stop gives me away.

"I see. Perhaps it's someone keeping you up then?" she suggests, a familiar smirk settling on her lips. So THAT'S where Father gets his trademark from...

"How much did you figure out?" I ask, dread settling into my stomach.

"How much do you want me to know?" She returns. I sigh, trying to figure out how to describe my current situation.

"Well... uh... he came in to see me. 'He' meaning Albus. Wait you knew that, right?" I pause, concerned, but my grandmother just nods. "Okay uh good. We talked for a bit. He was worried about me, per usual. And then we stopped talking..." I feel heat creep across my cheeks and she smiles knowingly.

"Continue?" she pushes lightly and my hand reaches up to straighten my hair. The action reminds me of Albus and I wince, dropping the hand back down to my sheets.

"We stopped talking and we may have uhm... started snogging," I try to be casual about it, but I feel myself blushing ridiculously while I say it.

"But...?" my grandmother's eyes narrow slightly. "He seemed quite beside himself after coming out of your room, and now it's an hour past midnight and you're not sleeping. Did something happen between the two of you after that?"

"Yeah. James burst in on us," I flinch at the memory, remembering how quickly Al pushed me away. Like he was ashamed to be caught with a Malfoy. Ashamed to be caught with ME. "It was like Albus didn't want anyone to know. He was horrified. So I told him he needed to figure out what we were..." I look down at my knees in shame. Unshed tears prick at the edge of my vision as I remember the look on his face as he walked out the door.

"It's alright, Scorpius," my grandmother says quietly, taking my clenched hand in her gentle one.

"What if he figures out we're not right for each other?" I manage to ask.

"Maybe there's a different question you should be asking yourself. Have you considered asking who Albus is to you?" she suggest lightly.

"What do you mean?"

"You told him to figure out what the two of you were. Maybe you should be doing the same," my grandmother clarifies. "What does Albus mean to you?" she prompts again. My mind spins as I try to find the right answer.

"I gave up my entire world -the entire Kingdom I apparently had- just for the chance I could see him again," I whisper, words hitting heavily on my heart. "And I would do it again every single time, no matter the cost," I wait a moment before looking up to see my grandmother staring at me with an odd expression. Her eyes glisten in the dim light and I realize tears are waiting in their silvery depths. "Are you alright?" I hurry to ask, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"Y-yes, Darling. I'm fine," she tries to smile, but a single tear slips down her pale cheek.

"What's the matter?" I ask her, concerned. "Should I get Father?"

"No," she says quickly, brushing the tear off of her face. "It's nothing like that. I miss him, that's all," her voice wavers slightly.

"Who?" I know she's not talking about my father anymore.

"Lucius Malfoy," her hand shakes slightly in mine at the name, "My husband."

"Grandfather," I clarify softly. I remember hearing his name before from various stories. We don't talk about him in this house... my father's hatred of him turned that name into an unforgivable subject years ago. It's like how we rarely talk about Mum anymore... they're both gone from our lives.

"You've never met him, though I don't blame Draco for never letting you. Azkaban is a disgusting place," my grandmother tells me with a small shudder. "But... the way you spoke about Albus just reminded me of something similar he told me a long time ago."

"And what's that?" I push curiously before realizing the subject is causing her pain. I don't want to trigger any of the memories that could make her have a breakdown. It's easy to forget how long it took my grandmother to recover from both wizarding wars. "You don't have to say."

"It's alright, Darling. I know my limits. He... right before our trial he told me..." she hesitates, taking a breath to steady herself. "He told me that he had made an impossible choice years ago. His family or the potential safety of the world. Lucius said..." another tear runs down her cheek, "Lucius told me that of all the possibilities. Even with everything he had lost because of his decision, including the acceptance of his only son, that he didn't regret his choice for a second. He put us, his loved ones, before everything and then still had to watch us suffer... but at the end of the war we were all alive. And he told me that knowledge was worth spending the rest of his life in Azkaban for."

A strange sort of quiet falls over the pair of us. One of us consumed in heartbreaking memory, the other trying to piece together a broken past they've never known.

My grandfather is the villain in all the stories I've ever read on the Second Wizarding War. He's the Death Eater. The Traitor. But... even in spite of everything... a sense of loss accompanies the knowledge that I may never be able to meet him. We made the same choice in a way. Except one of us had to sacrifice so much more, and that person wasn't me.

"You should try to sleep now," my grandmother says quietly, breaking us both out of our thoughts. "I'll see you in the morning."

"I love you," I whisper, placing my wand back down on the chair next to me before sinking into the covers of my bed.

"I love you too," she kisses my forehead before making her way to the door. Right before she turns off the light, she looks back at me with a sad smile. For a brief second my grandmother looks like an angel. A beautiful, powerful ghost of the woman she was 30 years ago. Then the light flicks off. And for the first time in what has felt like ages, I sink into a dreamless sleep.