To The Moon And Never Back

C27

Music is all I can hear. I'm here standing, dancing. Shouting, tears are flowing but I can feel my soul freezing. I can't be dead here. I have to be happy.

"Whoo!!!" I screamed more.

I am here at the bar right now. Words can't explain how happy I am to go here. I'm dancing. Crying. Drinking. Alocohols are wrapping around me. Flowing inside me.

Men are touching me.

I can feel someone touched me. Is this Nathan?! Ang blurry ng lahat. It's just so dark and different colors of the lights are splashing on him

I wanted him to kiss me right now. I felt so comfortable.

But he left. It's not Nathan. He'll never leave me here.

I can feel others touch in me. .

I'm kissing someone here right now. I know, this is not me.

It's not Nathan. But I hope he is... But I'm enjoying it.

Until someone grabbed my arm and pulled me out. It's like God came here to fetch me.

"Enough!!" Nika screamed while we're outside. So quiet. I checked, it's 2am.

"Baddie!!! You're here! Wanna get drunk!" I'm so drunk I can't control what I was  saying. I'm just drunk and waisted.

"Toria! Get to your senses! May sakit ka ano ba!"

"Anong ano ba!?! Can't you see I'm having fun!? Fuck you all! Just stay out!! " I pushed her. Napa upo siya. And umupo ako.

" I'm tired Niks. I can't take it. I loved and love him. " I said while tears are flowing.  " But I don't want to see his ass face again! I swear I'll kill him"

No, I won't.

" Look at you Toria. Where's the clean Toria!? Wala kana sa dl, hindi kana pumapasok! It's been three days! Hindi ka pumapasok ang puro ka daw half days." Nika went near me and pulled me up.

"So!? Where are my parents!? They left too? Haha! Stay away Niks. I hate everyone now!! You all are useless iiwan niyo rin ako! Kase nakakasawa ako!! I'm just sick! " I pushed her away.

" Ano ba Toria!! Gumising kana! Tama na please!?!!" She begged at me. Lumuhod siya.

Tinayo ko siya.

"I'm so done.." I cried into her chest and she's hugging me.

Hanggang sa nawalan ako ng malay.

Hindi ko na alam ang nangyari. Basta umiiyak na ako. Sa loob at labas. Umiiyak ako.

My nightmares. Are so real.

Ang alam ko nalang. Nag sswing ako sa isang lugar na puro ulap. Puro hangin. At ako lang mag isa.

Nathan

I'm crying. Habang palayo kami ng palayo sa airport noon. I can't look back. Tears will fall so deep. I can't leave her.

Habang nasa eroplano ako noon, iniisip ko na ang pag balik sa pinas. I kept on messaging her. Kahit sobrang busy.

Naging professor ako sa isang University sa California. All about science and math. Naging head ako ng company ni pa, kasama si Xyra. And she's a nurse.

Right. Her birthday! I made a video, for her birthday. Nag padala pa ako ng box of perfumes for her. Pero nakarating saakin ay tinapon ng isang babae. Maliit, maarteng muka. Patrisha. It's Patrisha. Siya nakakita una ng gift na late nakarating.

The day she saw me and Xyra.

I can't even think about what happened.

Until someone knocked. Kinakabahan ako buksan. Naamoy ko na agad si Toria.

She hugged me. Natauhan ako.

I was drunk last night bago nangyari iyon. I wasn't with Xyra. I was with Thomas. My friend. It's his birthday. I was drunk. Sobra, thinking about Toria. Until I saw Xyra at the same place.

Hinatid niya 'ko. Bago lahat yan, napag usapan na namin ni Xy na friends lang kami. She cried. But, she accepted it.

Hanggang sa naliligaw na mata ko. I can see Toria with me. But I know I'm with Xyra. Di ko napigilan. I fucked Xyra. She tried to push me. Hanggang sa hinayaan niya na ko. She moaned loud and loud. She's obviously loving it. Ang nasa isip ko ay si Toria. Si Toria ang kasama ko sa kama. 

I woke up seeing Xyra. I was shuddering. I was scared. I cheated. I'm an asshole.

And then she slapped me. Ubos ang lakas ko. Wala akong nagawa. Kasalanan ko lahat.

She left me.

That day, Xyra didn't stayed. Pina alis ko't di siya kinakausap. I'll talk to her when everything's  alright and settled.

Someone knocked to my door and I opened it. It's ma. She slapped me.

"What the hell Nathaniel!!? Ano ginawa mo." Her eyes. Filled with tears.

" Ma I'm sorry" sorry? What a bullshit. I'm saying sorry, eh tapos ko na. Asan madadala sorry ko!?

She hugged me and I know she's mad at me. She gave me a ticket to Philippines. Para kausapin si Toria.

But it's too late. I went to our condo, wala siya. Pero puro gulo ang lahat. Walang naluluto. Lahat ng pagkain niya panis na.

Ang kwarto niya'y gulo. Ang kwarto ko, maayos. Pero, may buhok. May strings ng buhok sa unan. Andon rin ang twalya't baso ng tubig na may mga gamot.

Dito siya nag sstay.

Night. I'm here at the bar, talking to my old blockmate. I saw her.

It's really her. I can't take my eyes off her.

I went near her while she's dancing. Really drunk.

She is drunk. I touched her arms. I can feel the heat. She looked at me. She wanted to kiss me. I missed her so bad. But no, this isn't right. I left.

It's a bad idea, but I did. Hinanap niya ko. Pero di nag tagal, may kahalikan siya.

I can't take this. I can't see her kissing other men! I called Nika.

"Oh!? Wag kana mag paparamdam! — ANO!?!"

That's her reaction. Not even two minutes, andito na si Nika. She pulled her. She's waisted. Nika gave me a glance but didn't gave me a smile.

Until, they were arguing. I'm watching them. Kitang kita ang sakit na nararamdaman ni Toria.

She still loves me. I don't deserve it.

Then she passed out. I panicked. I drove them straight to the hospital.

Di sha gumigising.

Itutuloy na ang operasyon kay Toria.

I was crying here, don't know what to do.

Then I felt tito. He hugged me like a man. Like he forgive me. But tita... Di ako kinakausap.

Tita's with my mom. They're together. Same with Anika and Trisha, Rina. And Samuel. They're all worried to death habang inooperahan si Toria.

2 hours. She's still asleep.

1 month. Still asleep.

I never left the country. Hanggang 4 months na.

Then my life was forwarded. And she's still sleeping. While her hair is growing. I'm kissing her forehead everyday.

And I will always love her. And this is the last kiss.