pages of attraction [kny x reader|oneshot]

stay - sabito (angst)

To pretend everything is fine made the field of lavender dry.

___

Guilt.

The arms wrapped around your waist felt as heavy as lead - but they are so warm, full of love and affection that you can't find the energy to push them away.

Apprehension.

His lips on your nape left a trail of wisps on your spine as you sighed out of content at the feel of them. They stayed there with a promise that melts your body into submission but your soul flickers in coldness.

Regret.

His scent shrouded over yours, overwhelming your mind with longing, making you feel that you truly belong to him and him alone. Those lavender that you love so much fills your lungs - making you forget the distant smell of sea.

It doesn't feel right.

Your eyes felt warm as your vision blurred. Your heart hurts, as if bricks are toppled on your chest with weight that shortens your breathe.

A lone tear fell on his arm below you and you felt them flinch. You quickly dried the gathered tears in your eyes, peeling yourself away from his molded warmth - but the fingers that were grazing your thigh wrapped around your waist and only pulled you closer.

And it makes you want to stay, just moment longer - in an escape you never thought you wanted.

Guilty pearls kept escaping your eyes, but the way he holds unto you - the way he tightened his arms around you; it's so tight, so protective. It's home.

You tasted more of your guilt as it falls more on the sheets. You wanted to stay; you really do.

But "I have to get home."

Your voice was always just a whisper in your farewells, and it made Sabito's heart break even harder than yours. He never wanted to hear it again - god knows he doesn't.

His arms went limp, and they laid there around your naked body with warmth that felt more colder as each second pass.

The moment your weight left his embrace, he grabbed your wrist; fingers squeezing tightly on you with desperation that stops your breath.

He called your name, and it never felt so right but broken at the same time as he plead. "Stay here with me."

You wanted to draw the blinds and lock the doors with his hopeless voice - but you can't. The weight on your finger made you more and more awake of who you truly belong to.

"He's waiting." You answered back, turning your head around to see him rousing from the bed.

Your gaze found his, and he stared back at you with desperation that makes your knees week and resolve weak. He raised his hand and cupped your face - they felt full, loving... you can't help but let a sob leave your lips as you buried your face on it.

His thumb swiped your tears away, but they were never enough to wipe the guilt away.

"Sabito..." The way you called his name wasn't as right as when you were under him, grasping his body as you chanted for his name like a mantra.

He grabbed your face and turned your gaze to him - his eyes determined but his brows begging. Your own answer was one of guilt and he showed it too - but he pulled you into a deep kiss that tampers the feeling down on the ground as he tried to make you melt against him the way he knows you like.

And you moaned, the sweet humming sound made him want more and more and he was so sure as he pushed his body against yours into the bed that you'd stay - but you pushed him away.

You didn't even look up at him, the arms that was on him just a second ago wrapped around yourself as you made your intention clear.

"I can't do this anymore."

And he felt his head light from sadness and his chest heavy.

His silence was unnerving. You felt rough fingers traced your arms and you sighed - making a mistake to glance up at him in moment of weakness.

Sabito gazes down at you with those lavender eyes, and you can't help but close yours when you felt his lips on your own - begging you once again to stay, just for him.

Stay. 

Don't leave.

Stay.

"No one knows." He pulled away, leaving that whisper on your lips as he started trailing down kisses on your neck - and as much as you want to wrap your hands around his, you stopped with a shaky resolve.

"He does." His lips stopped on your pulse, a second, another. They stopped and he hesitates. But you felt him nip on your skin with his teeth as if he doesn't hear what you've said.

You put your hands on his shoulders, pushing him away - but your fingers ended up curling in satisfaction when his hands grazed down your thighs.

Sabito laid you down and you forgot what you were even arguing for when you saw how much love and desire are projected in those lavender orbs.

He smiled down at you with so much affection that it made your heart halt its beat, and you kissed him, again and again - telling him that you're ready for more.

In his arms, with his lips on yours - his weight above your own felt so right, perfect. You wanted to stay.

A glint caught your closing eyes and you felt your blood ran cold as the metal shines with the city lights before you.

"Both of us know that this isn't right." You spoke loud, cold, that it finally made him stop. His eyes weren't lidded with desire the way they did before, but they curled into one of hurt and you felt your fingers growing cold on his shoulders.

"But I love you." He murmured with a crack in his voice, tears falling on your cheeks as they trailed down beside you. He leaned his forehead on yours and you hugged him desperately close to yourself.

"I love you too." You felt his arms slither below you and embraced you back - much tighter than before and it breaks your focus much more.

"But I have to go." Your throat felt tighter, you can feel your face morph into anguish - and you know his too, with so much of his tears falling with your own.

"Please." He pleaded, and you almost didn't hear him with how soft yet hopeless his deep voice was.

You feel his nails dig on your skin as he buried his threatening sob on your neck, breaking your heart further with much he tried to muffle his cry.

Sabito tries to persuade you, tries to justify your shared love - but even as he clings to your small frame tightly, he knows that this isn't right.

Still, he looks into your eyes with what little strength he has, and whispered these words that broke his heart even more; 

"Stay here with me. I promise I won't tell a soul."

___

Even as the world shines brightly, the sky continues to fall.

A/N:

A song fic... about the most hated chapter in this book: blind with Giyuu.

But in reader's perspective with your relationship with Sabito. Because you hated MC in the first chapter and I be vibin' with that.

Here's the song: 'I won't tell a soul' by Charlie Puth :

Cheating is bad and don't do it, but damn. Is it bad that I find it kind of heart-enchantingly good? (I've been cheated so trust me, it's not good with the victim here. But damn boi the angst and desperation one must ingest.)

Again, please don't cheat qwq)-