Warrior Hearts

Woman In Charge

"Are you truly ready to hear my answer, Malhotra?" I ask, an undertone of hesitancy creeping into my voice. My mind is torn in two different directions as I'm speaking my thoughts out loud. The logical, sane end is warning me against laying forth my raw, naked vulnerabilities in front of Malhotra. On the other hand, the utterly insane, impulsive part of my foolish brain is encouraging me to voice out what I've kept locked away since the night of our marriage. If I let Malhotra into the inner circle of my thoughts, it will be the equivalent of me sharing one of my deepest, gravest secrets with him, and I'm unsure whether or not he would play the part of a trustworthy safe-keeper.

"You asked me about forgiveness a while back," I clarify, upon witnessing the cloud of confusion on Malhotra's face. At once, his eyebrows tug upwards, realisation dawning across his features. In fact, a flash of eagerness bursts across his brown orbs, almost as if I'm granting him a wish that he's yearned for with every fibre of his being. "I didn't give you an answer before because it isn't as simple, or short as a one-worded reply. So if you're ready to hear a longwinded answer then I'll give it to you."

Momentarily, I tighten my hold around my knees, silently wishing that Malhotra will decide against seeking an answer from me. Perhaps he's fatigued, and lacks the patience to hear me out. Lord, please let it be so, I silently pray. After all, even though I am willing to give him an answer, it is most certainly not a task that I'm eager to perform.

"I'm always ready to hear whatever you have to say," Malhotra replies. Although his words deflate my hopes within seconds, I can't ignore the way the corner of my lips tugs upwards at his reply. Malhotra has always been a smooth talker, I remind myself; a cautionary warning that I must not make the error of forgetting. Sighing, I bow my head towards the ground, my eyes gaining a sudden interest in the laces of my boots.

"How do I forgive you, Malhotra?" I question, allowing the words to hang in the air between us. Moistening my lips, I draw my gaze up to meet his. The sight that I'm met with takes me by surprise; Malhotra catching me off guard once again. My lips part as I blink at his face, unsure of what I've said to warrant such an emotion in his brown orbs. Malhotra's eyes seem to have dulled within seconds, all the shine having been sucked out of them by some unknown force. He's staring at me with a blank expression, as if I've delivered a news so terrible that it has knocked the very soul out of his body.

"What's the punishment for murdering someone?" I continue, as I stare into the eyes of the soulless man in front of me. "That day, on the eve of our wedding - a day that is supposed to be the most memorable one in a girl's life - you sure as hell ensured I'd never forget it. For all the wrong reasons, of course," I add as an afterthought. Drawing my gaze away from Malhotra, I glance back down towards the ground. On their own volition, my lips turn upwards into a dry smile. "You killed something inside of me that day, Malhotra. So how do you expect me to forgive you for that?" Without waiting for an answer from my company, I rise to my feet.

"I'll tell you what, Malhotra." I say, turning around to face him. Raising my index finger in the air, I wag it in his direction. "Help me out. Show me a way to forgive you, and I will do so more than willingly. This is my promise to you." With exaggerated force, I jab my finger into my chest, and then point it back in Malhotra's direction. Although I'm well aware that he won't have an answer for my proposition, I hover in my position, staring down at the man on the ground. If not for the subtle movement of Malhotra's shoulders, I would've believe that he has turned into a statue. His eyes are still focused on the spot where I was seated a few seconds ago, the muscles on his face temporarily frozen. Shaking my head, I flick my wrist dismissively, as I begin to make my way back towards my tent.

"Don't go into shock." I mumble, my feet carrying me right past Malhotra's stationary figure. "I'll need all my men for tomorrow's battle." Bending down ever so slightly, I offer Malhotra a quick pat on the shoulder.

*****

Regardless of the unknown outcome of today's battle that is hovering above me, and my entire army, my mind refuses to register a single wave of fear. On the contrary, tangible tendrils of confidence are surrounding the entirety of my body as I step out of my tent. I am well aware, however, that my reaction is not in tune with what would be considered as a sane person's behaviour in this given situation. My theory is that over the course of time and due to the numerous battles that I have fought in, I've grown desensitised to the entire redundant process of war. Now, similar to the actions of a mindless puppet, I adorn my armour at every battle's dawn, without allowing my thoughts to run wild with what the future holds for me. After all, fear has no space in a warrior's heart, or mind. In fact, this very emotion is lethal for us.

My eyes narrow into slits as I witness the gathering in front of me. About six feet away from my tent, Malhotra has organised our soldiers into a disciplined crowd, their shoulders squared as they watch him attentively, unblinking. Any outsider can quite evidently make out that Malhotra is in charge of this meeting, for he's stationed at the head of the stick straight rows, an aura of dominance emanating from his armour-clad, broad shoulders. I, on the other hand, am well aware that Malhotra's not the only one who should be standing up there, and neither does he have the right to do so. At least not without me, he doesn't. If not anything else, then Malhotra could have informed me regarding his intentions to hold this meeting.

Pursing my lips, I grit my teeth together. Why am I even surprised at Malhotra's utter disregard for my role in this situation? After all, he's never considered me to be an equal, or treated me the way I should be. I'm merely a pawn who helped him acquire a few more lands, and further strengthen his power.

"I hope that our plan of action is crystal clear to each and every one of you." Malhotra's voice booms out across the field, resonating from where he's standing till the very last row of men. Malhotra's voice is ringing with authority, reminding me of an alpha. I'm still unsure regarding the stunt that he was attempting to pull on me last night, but I can tell that with today's rising sun the man that sat behind me on the mountain is long gone. The Malhotra in front of me, today, is a leader of an army - an alpha wolf - whose eyes are clouded over with greed for victory; the entirety of his focus directed towards defending his territory from the advancing enemy pack.

In response to their leader's question - which, in my opinion, came off as more of a statement - the men raise their legs up until their knees make contact with the bronze breastplates that are covering their fronts, and then hurl their feet back onto the ground. A plume of smoke rises from below the soles of their boots, momentarily creating a fog of dust across their lower halves, making it seem as if they're hovering in midair. Satisfied, Malhotra nods his head, his eyes raking across each of their faces. As his gaze shifts towards the right half of the gathering it lands on me. Gauging from the brief flash of surprise that flits across Malhotra's orbs, I can tell that he's noticed me for the first time since I stepped out of my tent. Without batting an eyelash, he draws his eyes away from mine, back to surveying the men of our army.

"Good," Malhotra says, his tone curt. He's clearly pleased at the men's reactions to the speech that he's delivered; one that I was not invited to hear. "I would like to add one last thing. Our army," as the words escape his lips, Malhotra's eyes land on mine once again. However, just like before, his gaze cuts away from me at the speed of lightning. Perhaps I'm even imagining the eye contact. It has been a long night, after all. "Has nothing to fear. Not today, not tomorrow. They may have more numbers, and a generous supply of boastful words to dish out, but our strength lies in our unity. We don't need a pocketful of bragging to justify our strength, or the confidence that we bear in ourselves, and in each other. Warriors rise in silence, brothers, and so shall we."

Although Malhotra's words are meant to drape themselves across the attentive soldiers, I find them slipping in through the soles of my boots, and making their way all the way to the very tips of my hair. The confidence that was instilled in the very depths of my bones is now heightened in magnitude upon hearing the surety in his tone, complemented by the fine choice of words with which he has chosen to express himself. Malhotra has the utmost level of faith in what he's preaching, and maybe that is why his words are branding us, instead of crumpling to dust near our feet.

"Now that my introductory speeches are through." Malhotra says, as he clasps his hands together in front of him. "I'd like for you all to share with Her Highness - and the woman in charge of our army - the same undivided attention as you have been so kind to bestow me with." This time when Malhotra's gaze lands on me, he refuses to look away. With the smallest of smiles - an expression that I would've surely missed had I not been solely focused on him - he spreads his arm out in my direction. Encouragingly, Malhotra nods his head at me.