See You Again (Zarry)

CHAPTER 12

"It can't be him. He can't be here. He just can't be here." zayn muttered as he kept pacing around in his room, gritting his teeth and pulling at his hair every now and then.

"Fuck this." He shrugged off his leather jacket rather furiously and hurled it across the room. Why is it that when you've finally buried all your pain 'neath your new-found smile, they resurface tearing open all your scars, making them bleed till you surrender. Tears cascaded down his cheeks and he hated himself for that. He hated being so vulnerable, so helpless.

He collapsed on his bed, the bed, a place he despised yet found quietude in. The way his body sunk into the mattress when their knees were on either side of him urged him to scream his lungs out. The way the duvet swallowed him like their bodies wrapped around him made him want to sob. The moment his eyelids drooped he felt his pulse drop.

His hands aggressively grabbed the pillows and sent them flying to the floor. The duvet was kicked off the bed along with a sharp cry. The bedsheets were ripped off and the mattress was now being clawed. The voices in his head got louder and so did his cries.

"Please stop. I can't take this anymore. Please. Please. Stop." He sobbed bitterly.

"Zayn?" Azlan who's heart stopped for a second when he heard zayn's cries the moment he stepped in had quickly rushed to his room and stopped at his doorframe, taking in the messed up room and an even more messed up Zayn. His heart audibly broke at the sight and he stepped forward.

"No! Don't get any closer." zayn yelled.

"Zayn it's okay. It's me. I'm gonna help you." He took slow, steady steps not wanting to trigger him more.

"Just go away. Please." his voice was hoarse from all the screaming and sobbing.

"It's okay. It's okay, Zayn."

He carefully sat next to him and rubbed his knee. "I'm here, Zee." He spoke so softly, swallowing back the lump in his throat.

"Hey, look at me."

Zayn just shook his head, wiping his tears with the back of his hand and let them fall back in his lap as he fiddled with his fingers.

"You do know that I'm always here for you, right?"

"Yeah." He choked out and finally looked up at him with glossy eyes.

"Zayn." Azlan sighed and pulled him in for a hug, cradling his head in his arms. They stayed like that for quite a while until he was sure Zayn was okay. Zayn would never tell but he knew just how much he's hurting everyday. He knew how hard Zayn was fighting with his inner voice every minute of the day when he's around Harry.

Later that day Azlan cleaned up zayn's room and made dinner, whilst zayn had taken a warm shower and watched TV to avert his mind to something else. But obviously it never worked. Just as they were arranging the table to eat the doorbell rang.

"I'll get that." said Azlan.

Zayn wondered what took him so long and he slid off the counter to check what's going on. That's when Harry walked in with Azlan with a huge dimpled smile plastered on his gorgeous face. He didn't expect it and was surprised and felt somewhat safe when he was around. He smiled and tiny wrinkles appeared at the corner of his eyes.

Harry frowned a little when he noticed zayn's red puffy eyes. He couldn't help but blame himself for not being there for him when he needed him. He wanted to step forward and embrace the fragile beauty in a comforting hug.

"Hi." Instead, he took baby steps.

"Hi."

Zayn wasn't sure if he could hug him. Not that Azlan would mind, but Zayn still felt like there was this space between them, something still kept him from calling him his boyfriend, if that's the right term. He pulled at the sleeves of his jumper before sitting on the chair. They ate in silence, the only sound that was heard was the clattering of spoons.