Amnesia

Chapter 26

He doesn't pull away slowly like Penny imagined he would. He doesn't softly cup the sides of her face, pressing small, random kisses over her skin. He doesn't gently kiss her lips three more times as if the thought of not doing so would physically pain him. He doesn't rest his forehead against hers and smile, a small laugh falling from his lips.

Avi does none of those things.

Instead, he pulls away suddenly, as if he's been burned, Penny the swirling fire. She sags, breathless against the wall, watching as Avi's face blooms into the perfect picture of horror, staring at his hands as if they belong to someone else. He glances up at Penny, his mouth bobbing for words he can't say before choking out, "I'm sorry."

As he leaves, keeping his eyes trained to the ground, Penny grips the wall behind her, seeking purchase in something solid, her mind spinning and her stomach roiling in anguish. She slips to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest as much as her rain-soaked denim clad legs will allow her and cries, her tears mixing with the rain.

+++

Penny sits there, staring at the sidewalk watching the rain drip from the awning onto the pavement below. Her lips still tingle from the scratch of his beard and licking her lips, she can still taste the whiskey he was drinking on her tongue. Touching her fingertips to her lips, Penny utters a small laugh, still in disbelief of what happened but her swollen mouth proof that it did.

A persistent ache has settled in her chest and Penny blows out a steadying breath before pushing herself up from the ground. Despite her earlier drunkenness, she feels more sober than she's ever felt before. Her clothes are still soaked, hair curled against her skin and her skin seems permanently chilled from the rain. Entering the lobby, she stands staring at her feet, unsure of where to go next.

As much as a small part of her wants to join Avi in his room and pretend nothing happened, she knows she can't. How can I possibly go into that room and sleep with him in the same bed like he didn't just crush my heart between his fingers?

Penny sighs heavily.

I can't.

Dragging her eyes from her feet, Penny gives a half-hearted smile to the receptionist behind the counter, ignoring his curious look at her appearance. While she had her ID with her, Penny hadn't brought a room key, assuming that she'd leave with Avi and join him in his and Kevin's shared room just like every other night. Tonight obviously put a wrench in that, she thinks wryly, approaching the front desk.

Getting a room key to her and Kirstie's assigned room, Penny takes the elevator up to their room, passing by Avi's room on the way. While she hadn't expected to find the door ajar, waiting for her to enter, the sight of it firmly closed stings and the ache in Penny's chest tugs just a bit tighter. Keeping her head down, she quickly moves by his room, a fresh burn of tears threatening to spill from her eyes. A few doors down, she swipes the door open and slips inside the room, closing the door behind her and resting her back against the cool surface. Penny screws her eyes shut, her tears slipping out despite her best efforts to keep them inside.

Peeling off her clothes and wringing as much of the water out of them as she can, Penny hangs them up on the towel bars before stepping into the shower and cranking the heat as hot as she can tolerate. She shivers at the first contact of water to her skin, the temperature difference causing goose bumps to break out along her skin. For the first time in months, she feels a twinge of pain along the scar on her thigh and she slowly traces the raised, pink flesh, scowling in disgust.

This symbolizes the moment everything changed. This marks me as different and assures that nothing can be the same.

She stands under the water until her fingers wrinkle and the water becomes tepid, her skin red from the heat. Penny quickly dries off, rubbing a towel through her hair and changes into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt. Not waiting for her hair to dry, she slips under the sheets, clicks off the light and pulls the blankets around her head.