paws // bokuaka

fifteen: keiji akaashi

How long has it been? A month?

It's been so long since Bokuto and I went on a date. The only times I see him now are during my shifts, but I'm never enthusiastic there anymore. He's stopped visiting me anyway. I don't understand why I was moping around so much. Kenma wasn't that big of an impact in my life, was he?

No, he definitely was. It was some time ago, but I still remember adopting him. I was still in college, and I was at a local pet store with my closest friend since another one of my few college friends didn't have enough time to buy food for his pet crows. I don't why he had crows in the first place, but he and his boyfriend were like crow parents and it was weird as fuck.

There was an adoption event going on, and the nearest pet shelter was collecting donations there. So we bought the food and decided to donate a bit, but then a tiny cat caught the corners of our eyes and we ended up checking him out.

"That cat looks like you," I had smiled, gesturing to the calico feline.

"No, he doesn't."

"His name is even 'Pie.' Don't you like those?"

"Only apple ones. All the other kinds don't taste as good."

Well, something happened, and we ended up adopting him together. I remember taking care of him that week. It was so fun. We had so much fun.

It's a shame.

My close friend died from a drunk driver the next week.

It all hit me so hard. It was like explosions in my heart, breaking and crushing it to pieces. I had cried so much the next half a year, it felt like I couldn't even shed a tear at anything anymore. I became Pie's only owner. Even when I graduated and moved out, I still wasn't completely over everything. It was so lonely there in my apartment all by myself. We were planning on moving in together, too.

I renamed Pie after him.

In honor of my used-to-be closest friend, Kenma Kozume.

***

I felt numb. I was laying on my bed, phone in hand, as I stared at the pale ceiling of my apartment.

I haven't properly been myself around Bokuto for so long. Should... I text him? But I'm a little afraid he hates me now.

I held up my phone to my face. "Am I being selfish by sulking so much?" I whispered to myself. Kenma was kind of my only way to stay in touch with the Kozume I used to know.  I should've been a better caretaker for him. I should've paid more attention. I sighed. "God, I hate myself."

I pushed myself up. "Fuck it, I'll tell Kotaro I'm sorry. I don't want to lose Kenma and my boyfriend."

I glanced at the time on my phone. It was 11:45 pm. He'll be awake, right?

My hands were hesitant as I dialed his number. The "brrrriiingggg" emitting from my phone made my heart pound, and my mind scrambled to find the words I was going to say.

"Kotaro, I'm so sorry. I was so caught up in Kenma running away, and I was neglecting your feelings. I've been an awful boyfriend... and I really want to try making it up to you. I hope you understand that Kenma was really important to me, and I wasn't dismissing you to be cruel. I... don't think I've ever told you about how Kenma's become a part of my life. But I think I should. I feel horrible about ignoring you for the past month. I shouldn't have done that. A lot was going on in my head, so I really hope that you'll forgive me. Being by myself has let me clear up my thoughts, and I think that I'm ready to finally be myself again."

And then Bokuto will forgive me and tell me that it's okay. "How about... we go on a date this weekend? At the same cafe we had our first date. And we can talk."

And he'll say okay and that he'll be waiting. "I love you, Kotaro." And then he'll say "I love you too, Keiji." And then everything will be alright.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and reciting the words.

The call was picked up.

I opened my mouth, ready to say the words that have been stuck in my throat for so long. "Kotaro, I-"

"hEY HEY HEY KEIJIJIHIJIJI"

I was greeted with Bokuto's loudass voice blasting into my fucking ear at 10000000 volume.

"OH MY GOD, KIHIFIJI, I- OH MY GOD I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D CALL ME, HOLY FUCKING SHIT I MISSED YOU SO MUCH BABE, YOU SCARED ME HALF TO FUCKING DEATH YOU PIECE OF BEAUTIFUL SHIT"

"I-" I blinked.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN ABOUT YOU BABY, AT FIRST I THOUGHT OIKAWA WAS CALLING ME BUT THEN I SAW 'pretty boy nice ass' ON MY SCREEN AND I FUCKING SCREAMED, I MISSED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN???? ARE YOU OKAY??? I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT VISITING YOU ON YOUR SHIFTS, I WANTED TO GIVE YOU TIME, I'VE BEEN KEEPING ALL OF MY WINDOWS OPEN EVERY DAY TO SEE IF I SPOT KENMA OUTSIDE, OIKAWA'S BOYFRIEND SAID THAT HE SAW A CALICO CAT SOMEWHERE NEAR THE CREEK AND I CHECKED THERE BUT COULDN'T FIND HIM

"AHHH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH KEIJIHIHIJI I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, I WAS SO AFRAID YOU GOT DEPRESSED AND WOULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, I LOVE YOU BABYY PLEASE LOVE ME BACK BECAUSE IM DESPERATE"

I was silent for a few seconds. "Kotaro-"

"BABY YOU'RE CALLING ME KOTARO AGAIN?? THANK YOU SO MUCH I WAS SCARED YOU'D KEEP CALLING ME 'BOKUTO-SAN' IN YOUR STOIC SEXY AKAASHI VOICE AND LIKE IT SOUNDED FUCKING GORGEOUS BUT IT SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU SAY 'KOTARO'"

I completely forgot that I had been referring to him as 'Bokuto-san' the past few weeks instead of 'Kotaro.' I'm not sure why I started in the first place. Losing Kenma kind of made me feel like there was no one to love anymore.

I didn't know it affected him so much.

"Kotaro, hey, I'm really sorry," I said quietly. "I... I was really caught up in Kenma running away and I was neglecting your feelings-"

"YOU FUCKING WERE BITCH, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW WORRIED I WAS"

"I'm sorry..."

"YOU BRTRTER EB"

I looked down at my lap with regret as I spoke. "I'm so sorry, Kotaro. I really want to make it up to you... is there anything I can do?"

...

"BLOWJOB"

"i- wait what the fuck"

"YOU SAID 'ANYTHING'"

"Well... I mean, if you want it." I felt my face heating up. This wasn't really the direction I was planning on this going-

"Oya?? I was joking but if you'll do it I'll take it!"

"You were joking?" I laughed softly. "What a shame, Kotaro. You don't get one anymore." 

I heard him screech through the screen "NO SHIT NEVERMIND-" he chuckled lightly. I was surprised at how not-awkward and non-sentimental this conversation was. Kotaro was magical. "But I have a favor to ask since you owe me one."

"Of course," I took a deep breath, preparing for what he'd say.

"Can you go on a date with me tomorrow?"

im bad at writing problems, forgive me

anyways kenma dies in every fucking fanfiction that's just how it goes im sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ don't hate me-

thank you so much for reading! im so happy that people are enjoying the story <3

- lexi